today

take a deep breath
and listen closely...

what's that sound?

it's silence.
quiet.
calm.

it's the coffee percolating,
the washer spinning,
the air conditioner blowing.

stillness.

it's Bible pages turning,
pen writing,
keyboard tapping.

peace.

no questions asking,
no distant fighting,
no tv blaring.

hush.

finally,
and yet suddenly?
the day has arrived.

backpacks,
lunches,
squeaky new shoes.

the first day of school.

breathe deeply
and enjoy the sound
of silence.

united

one of my favourite feelings is "us against them."

jeremyhiebert.ca

does that require some explanation?

ok then.  what i mean is, one of my favourite feelings within my family is "parents against the kids."

there are days that husband and wife struggle to see eye to eye on parenting (or life in general).  but there are those better days when the kids are bananas and the parents can't help but laugh together, conspire together, and plan to put the kids to bed early just to be together.

those days are great!

...so much better than feeling like i'm smarter and know more about how to handle every parenting situation that comes our way.

...so much better that feeling right.

...so much better than being on the side of the kids.

being on the same side with him is much more fun.
i need to remember this.

please!

If you struggle with a little unofficially-named disorder called "People Pleasing" you will know that there are times when people can appear very, very scary.

There is a reasonable side to pleasing others that says you will seek to put the needs of others ahead of your own, in Christ-like fashion, but also know that you can't please everyone all the time.  There will be times that people don't agree with decisions you make, and that's OK.

That sounds reasonable, doesn't it?

If you are silently answering, "yes, but...." then you probably have the same disorder I fight.

People Pleasing can be debilitating and will produce stomach churning anxiety.  You will worry about what someone thinks, but not just in a calm, rational way.  You will turn that worry over and over and over until you feel something similar to motion sickness.  You will attempt to predict how they will respond - usually with the worst case scenerio.  You will want to avoid the Scary Person (who is, you realize, just a person....not so scary, but you can't stop seeing them through scary lenses).  You will tell yourself you are virtuous because, really, you just want them to be happy.  You tell yourself you just want to please them, when really what you want to do is jump up and down in front of them and cry,

"please, please like me!  don't be mad at me!  please accept me!  PLEASE!"

This is no way to live (I tell myself).

In the midst of some strange and very specific rules for the Israelites in the book of Leviticus, there are five verses that jumped off the page into my people-pleasing heart yesterday.  (From chapter 18:1-5)

Then the Lord said to Moses, 

² “Give the following instructions to the people of Israel. 

I am the Lord your God. 

³ So do not act like the people in Egypt, where you used to live, 

or like the people of Canaan, where I am taking you. 

You must not imitate their way of life. 

⁴ You must obey all my regulations and be careful to obey my decrees, 

for I am theLord your God. 

⁵ If you obey my decrees and my regulations, 

you will find life through them. 

I am the Lord.

I hear the Lord reminding me:  Don't look at how other people live.  Don't try and do things the way they do them just because you think they'll like you more.  Don't worry about what they think about the decisions you make.  Look at Me!  Look at Me and please Me.  Not because you're bound to rules but because I AM the One who gives you life.  I AM your Lord.

The disorder will not go away over night and the knot in my stomach is still there to a degree, but now it serves as a reminder to surrender my worries, my identity to Jesus.

Christmas

This Christmas we did all the things we traditionally do as a family,

and yet,

somehow,

this Christmas felt just

a little bit more

than typical.

we felt

a little bit more delight...

we had

a little bit more laughter...

we noticed

a little bit more excitement...

we enjoyed

a little bit more fun...

we moved

a little bit more s-l-o-w...

we were

a little bit more restful...

we became

a little bit more peaceful...

overall, just

a little bit more full.

Even when i woke up boxing day morning with that now familiar pressure feeling in my chest, the Lord provided a wonderful morning of rest with the kids and a fun afternoon and evening skating at my folks place with friends and family. 

 (and the feeling left and hasn't yet returned!)

God is good ALL the time, 

but I continue to count my gifts

~not the ones from under the tree~

and praise Him that the list seems never ending.

O my soul, bless God.

    From head to toe, I’ll bless his holy name!

O my soul, bless God,

    don’t forget a single blessing! 

psalm 103:1-2 (msg)

yes

So I've been reading Ann Voskamp's book 1000 Gifts.  This book is unlike anything I've ever read before!  It is challenging, but not threatening; encouraging but not patronizing.  It is one woman's journey and yet it could be every person's journey if they so chose.

Our Bible study group is supposed to be reading chapter 10 this week, but I've been having a hard time letting go of chapter 8.  (By that I mean I've only read half of chapter 9 and even what I've read I've barely retained because I keep thinking about her words on the previous pages.)

I thought maybe if I shared what the Lord has been whispering to me with YOU, I might be able to move on - and get the rest of my reading done by Wednesday morning!

I'm not going to give any context here - if you want it, go get the book (or put it on your Christmas list, you won't regret it!).  Here is the quote that begins with a verse:

"For no matter how many promises God has made, they are 'Yes' in Christ"
 (2 Corinthians 1:20)
   Yes in Christ!
   To the Enfleshed Yes [Jesus] who said yes to this moment and yes to last year's illness and yes to the cracks of my childhood and yes to the nail and yes to my name in the Book of Life, hear me say YES!  Not "I'm worried." Not "I'm stressed out."  Not "I'm anxious."  Not "I'm too afraid."  Hear me say thank you.  Hear me say YES!  Watch me live a life of yes.  To all that was and is and is to come.  The power of sin and death and fear-sent-from-the-Enemy are forever ended because we can trust in the bridge even if it's caving, in God even when it's black, in manna-nourishment even when we don't know what it is.  The God whom we thank for fulfilling the promises of the past will fulfill His promises again.  In Christ, the answer to the questions of every moment is always Yes.
  The answer is always YES!

It reminded me of a time when God called our little family to say Yes to the unknown future.  When He asked if we would be obedient to Him even if we didn't know where we would go, what we would do, how we would survive.  It reminded me of the song He used to bring us to our knees in submission to His will for our life.

The song is Yes.

And today I look back and I see that the answers to His promises then were indeed yes - for our good, for His glory.

And today I hear Him ask me again - will you say YES?

Will you let go of yourself and your plans and your idea of what is good and appropriate and deserved and simply say yes to what I have in store for you?  Will you give Me the opportunity to show you all the yes-es to My promises?   I will never leave you.  I will never forsake you.  Do not be afraid.  Just say...YES.

How are you saying YES to God?

this day

today has been a tough day.

a tough day after a series of tough ~ full, busy, exhausting ~ days.

today we moved my mother-in-law into an assisted living home. after 40+ years in the family home, 6 years after my father-in-law passed away, she moved.  unwillingly.  unhappily.

her decline has been heartbreaking to watch and as much as we would have liked (in some ways) to pretend like everything was fine, and she was fine, she was not.  everything was not fine.  whether she knows it or not, we see it and can't ignore her needs...even when she doesn't acknowledge them.

the day was spent as family and dear friends from church (who are very much family also) helped move and set up her new place to be as comfortable as possible for her.  as a dear friend enjoyed her company for the afternoon, the rest of us lovingly arranged furniture, hung clothes, made up her bed and hung all her favorite artwork.  we prayed over her new little home and asked that God would give her peace. and would give us peace.

she will spend her first night there tonight, her daughter nearby, and our prayers go out all the more fervently - Lord, grant her Your peace.

as i surfed pinterest just to distract myself from the headache brewing behind my eyes, i thought of the little book i've been writing in while my Bible study group reads 1000 gifts.  it's my own gifts list.

be thankful, i heard the Spirit say. what will you add to the list today?

i am thankful for:
~an uplifting church service this morning that reminded me that i have 10000 reasons to bless the Lord, that my God saves and brings hope in His name
~friends that care for my mother-in-law even when she doesn't understand their actions as care
~family that was able to come together and work together for her
~friends that can arrange furniture and hang pictures, who care enough to get it right
~my parents who spent the day with my kids to keep them busy and happy
~so many loving prayers that went out from people who weren't able to carry boxes
~the kind tenants of her new place that gave cheery hellos, for the lady who gushed about how much she loves living there
~my mother-in-law who, though she couldn't say she was happy to be there, was able to acknowledge how much work we had done for her
~my great God who loves us and cares about what we care about, who loves our loved ones more than we can even begin to imagine

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,

who comforts us in all our troubles, 

so that we can comfort those in any trouble 

with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.... 

On him we have set our hope that 

he will continue to deliver us,

as you help us by your prayers.

Then many will give thanks on our behalf 

for the gracious favor granted us 

in answer to the prayers of many.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4, 10-11

looking back

I've already been thinking about New Year's Resolutions.... am I crazy or just so 'on the ball' that I'm way ahead of schedule?  haha.  Actually, I've just been thinking about why one resolution makes the cut and another doesn't (and why that darn 'exercise more' one never sticks?...).  It's occurred to me that my resolutions are almost always born out of how I experience Christmas, or at least the Christmas season.

Last year at this time, I was very overwhelmed.  I hated every moment of gift buying for my beloved family, I left the wrapping to the last minute, I only ended up getting out about half of my Christmas cards, I baked almost nothing and I cried at the drop of a hat. I had frequent heart palpitations and slept a lot.  I avoided parties and spent a lot of time thinking about moving to the mission field...  I felt so, SO much pressure - mostly pressure I put on myself, I'm sure.  I was overwhelmed with the feeling that enough is never enough, and for a (recovering) perfectionist, that is a very tough pill to swallow.

In the light of all this, then, I can easily recognize where my single resolution came from last year.

"Be Becky."

(read the post if this just sounds too crazy for words.. it might help you understand.)

Looking back over the past year, I think I've done a pretty good job at my resolution.  I've felt more secure and worried less about being a pleaser.  I've said no to many things, but initiated other things.  I'm learning to rest when I'm tired and scale back on the things that drain me.  I've read (almost) all of God's word and haven't given up even when I was 2 whole months behind!  I've prioritized my family, found more joy in my ministry and am trying to stop obsessing about the things the world tells me I should obsess over.

Overall, I feel lighter, more at peace and have experienced more moments of JOY.  I don't feel so desperate.... like I'm always missing something.

So, you may ask, what will my resolution be this year if indeed it relates to how I experience the Christmas season?

Well, I'm not sure I'll make one.  If anything maybe it will be *see last year's resolution.*  I have a long way to go in myself and this journey with the Lord, and I pray that as I continue to look to Him, He will add (and subtract) the things I need in my life to bring me closer to Him - a little bit more each day.

Those who know your name trust in you,

for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you.

psalm 9:10 (nlt)

the gift

source

{Jesus said}

 “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid." 

John 14:27

nlt

calm

motivation often strikes at the most inopportune moments. 

here i sit at "my" desk at the church, trying to focus on the tasks at hand and all i can think about is my closet.  and my kids' closets.  and my storage closet.  all i can think about it getting some boxes and maybe some work gloves (because that seems official) and pitching things.

anyone else need a fresh start today?

last week i read in psalm 89:10

"You crushed the great sea monster."  

isn't that so inspiring?? :)  

ok, stay with me....  

the footnote in my bible said that the sea monster was called "Rahab" and was a mythical creature that represents chaos in ancient literature.

"You, God, crush chaos."

isn't that so inspiring?

now, i'm not trying to suggest that God will crush the chaos in my closets,

i don't want to seem flippant,

but i do know that my closets can represent my heart to some degree...

and there's something very therapeutic about sorting and cleaning when you have the time...

and though my closet will never be able to look like this:

via

(a girl can dream!)

i can bring calm to my heart and home by tackling this (not so) little project this week.

but can someone tell me it's ok to not have a garage sale instead of dropping off your used things at goodwill?

effort

when you think of peace, what comes to mind?

peace like a river....

world peace....

a hike through the mountains...

a day at the spa...

hard work?

This morning I was continuing to read in the Psalms as I'm still trying to catch up on my read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year goal.  (The trouble with reading to achieve chapters is that I'm always a little concerned I'm going miss what God wants to tell me...)

But this morning, it was as if He bold typed a part of a verse in Psalm 34:14

"Work hard at living in peace with others."

When I think of day to day living, I think of my home; my family.

And I don't know why it's never occurred to me before but

today I realized with distinct clarity: 

peace takes work.

Peace doesn't just happen because everyone wakes up in a good mood

on one miraculous morning...

or when there's a special day planned and everyone is on their best behavior.

Peace takes effort

and being intentional

and discipline.

"Lord, let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me"

in my heart

 and in my home.