home

This morning I reached for my new coffee cup and thought of my granny.  Birds always make me think of her.  She knew about all kinds of local birds and took pleasure in feeding them.  She taught me how to call chickadees to let them know the feeder had been filled.

This will be her first Christmas in heaven.

I've always thought of heaven as kind of a big camp fire - everyone gathered around, sharing stories.  And as they share, they realize with complete clarity that Christ was with them every step of the way. Sometimes the stories will recount dark days of disappointment and sadness, but they won't be sad tales.  They will be testimonies of Jesus' presence.  Sometimes the stories will be interrupted with bursts of laughter because sometimes life is just crazy-hilarious.  But these moments won't leave the Lord out of the spotlight because then, too, will it be obvious that even if it seemed like a "non-spiritural" kind of event, He was there.  He was delighting in you and laughing with you.

This Christmas, I see Gramps, young and spry, grabbing Granny's arm saying "you've gotta see this."  Maybe they know they spent their earthly life as partners, but compared to being in the presence of Christ, it's really neither here nor there.

And when it's her turn to tell a story, she's ready!  Gramps laughs along, he remembers that time.  And the Lord's eyes smile as He always smiles when the ones He loves finally can see the big picture.

"The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.  We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth." John 1:14

My grandparents will have a wonderful Christmas with the Lord this year.  Don't we who are waiting for home want the same?  Oh, that we would have a glimpse of the glory of the One and Only and that, like Moses, our faces would shine for having seen Him.

He is not just a baby in the manger.  He is everything.
Glory.

november 26

an average tuesday in most homes, but in our home we had a birthday to mark!

my beloved husband is (as he told the children) 10,047 today. (wink!)  unfortunately as busy days go, it wasn't the most magical of birthdays, but we tried to squeeze in a little celebrating.

here in these moments as he reads Narnia to the kids, i can take the opportunity to remember.

remembering is good for the soul.
good for a marriage.

my husband is God's gift to me.
we talk about that a lot in premarriage counselling.  if i believe it, which i do, how should i receive it...him?  i like presents, but a gift from God Himself? that's got to be the best!

my husband is not perfect.
but that's not what i'm here to talk about....

he is faithful and loving, truthful and kind.
and he loves me.
and he shows how much he loves me in a variety of ways.
he is an example to me of how to love.

he's not the same guy i fell in love with 19 years ago, though he has the same smile and same twinkle in his eye... i have had the privilege of court side seats to watch God at work in him.  the work isn't finished and hasn't always come quickly, but God is at work - isn't that what we hope for in ourselves?  he has grown to share more and more of himself.  just last week i learned something new!  he sets goals for himself ~usually secret goals~ and i only notice after he's met it.  growing and learning at 10,047? amazing!

i am not the same woman i was in 1994, either.  praise God!  my husband has been one of the primary chisels God has used to shape me to become more like Himself.  sometimes it's been through encouraging words.  he is my biggest fan and cheerleader!  sometimes it's been through learning to accept that i can't change him....hello humility, where have you been all my life?

overall, i'm just so thankful.
i'm thankful when he takes me to my favourite places, i'm thankful when he's in a bad mood for 2 days straight.  he is my gift and we fit together.

and if i ever stop being thankful for him, please tell me to get over myself and remind me to appreciate my gift.

it's just me

every once in a while a strange thing happens to me.  i forget who i am.

my husband brought home this beautiful box of mandarine oranges,

and as i opened the box and saw all those perfect pieces of red tissue paper, i thought, i should craft something out of those papers!

and then i saw the solid cardboard base of the box and thought, i should mod-podge that and use it for...something.

and then i remembered - that's not something i would ever do.  that is simply not who i am!

as i laughed and laughed (to myself, at myself) i thought about how bizarre it is that i would even think about doing those things...

i thought about how i guess i'm not always who i thought i'd be "when i grew up."

i considered how i'm still surprised at how uncomfortable i am in social settings - i really thought i'd grow out that!

i wondered about how i became the kind of mom that (sometimes) bakes bread and (mostly) cooks from scratch, considering i wasn't really in to those things growing up.

i marveled again at the gift of my role in our church, the fun and challenge of serving, the joy of doing pre-marriage counseling (when our early years of marriage at times felt like an absolute disaster!).

God had a plan for me, a design for who i could become under His hand, and as long as i don't bother myself with comparison, i can like who i am.  imperfect, with lots of room to grow but uniquely me.  so what if i do things a little differently than others, or don't do really cool things that other really cool friends can do?  my only desire is to hear the voice of the Lord and do what He calls me to do.

it's just me.  some people will like me, some will not.  but my sense of approval and self-worth must come from Him alone.

Can we just embrace who God is creating us to be today?

The Lord will work out his plans for my life—

    for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. 

   Don’t abandon me, for you made me.

psalm 138:8 nlt

this day

today has been a tough day.

a tough day after a series of tough ~ full, busy, exhausting ~ days.

today we moved my mother-in-law into an assisted living home. after 40+ years in the family home, 6 years after my father-in-law passed away, she moved.  unwillingly.  unhappily.

her decline has been heartbreaking to watch and as much as we would have liked (in some ways) to pretend like everything was fine, and she was fine, she was not.  everything was not fine.  whether she knows it or not, we see it and can't ignore her needs...even when she doesn't acknowledge them.

the day was spent as family and dear friends from church (who are very much family also) helped move and set up her new place to be as comfortable as possible for her.  as a dear friend enjoyed her company for the afternoon, the rest of us lovingly arranged furniture, hung clothes, made up her bed and hung all her favorite artwork.  we prayed over her new little home and asked that God would give her peace. and would give us peace.

she will spend her first night there tonight, her daughter nearby, and our prayers go out all the more fervently - Lord, grant her Your peace.

as i surfed pinterest just to distract myself from the headache brewing behind my eyes, i thought of the little book i've been writing in while my Bible study group reads 1000 gifts.  it's my own gifts list.

be thankful, i heard the Spirit say. what will you add to the list today?

i am thankful for:
~an uplifting church service this morning that reminded me that i have 10000 reasons to bless the Lord, that my God saves and brings hope in His name
~friends that care for my mother-in-law even when she doesn't understand their actions as care
~family that was able to come together and work together for her
~friends that can arrange furniture and hang pictures, who care enough to get it right
~my parents who spent the day with my kids to keep them busy and happy
~so many loving prayers that went out from people who weren't able to carry boxes
~the kind tenants of her new place that gave cheery hellos, for the lady who gushed about how much she loves living there
~my mother-in-law who, though she couldn't say she was happy to be there, was able to acknowledge how much work we had done for her
~my great God who loves us and cares about what we care about, who loves our loved ones more than we can even begin to imagine

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,

who comforts us in all our troubles, 

so that we can comfort those in any trouble 

with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.... 

On him we have set our hope that 

he will continue to deliver us,

as you help us by your prayers.

Then many will give thanks on our behalf 

for the gracious favor granted us 

in answer to the prayers of many.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4, 10-11

nostalgia

source

for whatever reason, this morning i woke up feeling very nostalgic.  (maybe it was the fact that i had an awesome sleep, and the kids didn't get up until almost 10am! thankyouverymuch spring break...)

as i (finally) got ready to come into the church to work, i put on the necklace Gavin gave me for our first anniversary and i remembered that first year of marriage.  it wasn't easy, but there was so much fun!  i remembered how happy he was to give it to me and how he actually ended up putting it on my neck a full 2 months before our special day, just because he wanted me to have it.

as i carefully untangled it (no, my jewelery is not super-organized) i remember how as a little girl, i always took my tangled necklaces to my dad and he always was able to make them straight.  there's a tiny knot in the chain i'm wearing today, perhaps i should take it to him....  i always used to marvel at his thick, rough fingers were able to do such delicate work.

as i looked through a friend's facebook photos of their experience taking young adults to Passion Vancouver, i started to feel all excited inside as i remembered all the fun we had in Atlanta and the awesome experience of worshipping with so many people.  i think of it every time i listen to the new album that was recorded during the conference.  i jokingly tell people that i can totally hear my voice on a few of the songs....

even more, as i looked on the faces of these friends, i remember how we met them very early in our time in Durham, NC.  i thought about how the Lord brought us to that state and how He brought us to that little church where He introduced us to this sweet family from our home town - only the Lord!  and for all the 'trouble' with facebook (the potential for time-sucking and the depressive feelings that can occur) this is one of those times where the Lord can really use it.  what an amazing blessing to know how He's continuing to use and move in the lives of people.  what a beautiful gift to see people I know, even if just for a little while, use their talents for His kingdom.  

my heart feels so mushy today....but this is exactly what i needed for this day.

i prayed and asked the Lord for inspiration this morning as i'm sitting down to get (hopefully) most of my prep done for the Easter weekend.  this nostalgic is the answer to that prayer, i'm certain.  soft feelings of recollection are exactly where i need to begin as i reflect on the days leading up to the Lord's last time around the table with His friends.  a tender heart is what i need to take me to a place of vivid imagination as i consider the day my Lord was hung on the cross.  and this buzzing of excitement is just what i want to feel as i think about the day His friends found the empty tomb - when the light began to dawn on them, when they saw a glimpse of what this meant...

look back, my friends - it can give you what you need today to look forward.

unexpected blessing

As I poured my second cup of coffee, I stepped in front of my kitchen window and noticed my full bird feeder.  We loaded up the feeder a couple of days ago, and I have yet see a bird there, I thought to myself.

At that very moment a bluejay flew into view.

A small gasp escaped my lips, followed by a smile and a prayer of thanks.  I thought of our dear friends, for whom a bluejay is a special symbol of God's love at the most difficult times.  I thought of how it's just like our loving Heavenly Father to send a reminder of His presence when I'm not even looking for it.

An unexpected blessing.

I remembered how many times I've received an unexpected blessing-from a friend, from a stranger.  I wondered how many times I've overlooked something that the Lord intended to bless me.

I must remember to keep my eyes open, I thought to myself.

And then another thought:

How 'bout delivering that unexpected blessing?

An email, a note delivered by snail-mail, a phone call, a kind word, a small gift, a hand on a shoulder.... what about keeping my eyes open for the ways I can give -be- an unexpected blessing to someone else -a friend or a stranger.

I must remember to keep my open, I thought again to myself.

¹⁰ Unfailing love and truth have met together. 

      Righteousness and peace have kissed!  

¹¹ Truth springs up from the earth,       

and righteousness smiles down from heaven.  

¹² Yes, the LORD pours down his blessings. 

PSALM 84

I WILL remember to keep my eyes open. 

coasting

have you ever had that thing where you say something (or quote someone) that sounds 'wise' in a conversation with a friend, only to later realize that quote was for yourself?

is it just me?

the truth of the matter is i read quite a bit and listen to a lot of sermons and podcasts, so i've often got something on the tip of my brain that can fit into conversation, and i often worry that i sound like the 'answer lady' - because i certainly am not...

the other day i was chatting with a friend and i heard myself quote something my husband said in a sermon years ago. (in fact, i told my friend that it was the first time when listening to him speak that i didn't hear him, i heard the Lord.)

"when you see an eagle, high in the sky, coasting-

they're actually gradually floating closer to the ground.

if you're in a place in your relationship with the Lord where you know you're coasting,

you're not maintaining the place you were-

you're moving farther away from Him."

this has been ringing through my brain ever since i quoted it.

this is the reminder the Lord had for me - i have been coasting.

this morning a verse came to mind as i was sorting the laundry:

"in repentance and rest is your salvation,

in quietness and trust is your strength..."

isaiah 30:15

i confess, Lord, i've been trying to do it on my own...

i'm busy - and keeping busy - not slowing down to hear from  You....

i talk to too much, even when i talk to You - teach me listen...

i believe Your ways for me are best, help me to overcome any unbelief...

looking back II

Relaxing on Good Friday afternoon, morning brunch and service finished and cleaned up, I'm looking back again to my response to this day last year...

I was hoping to find a youtube video for the song lyrics for at the end of that post...too bad, no video to be found!  (well worth the 99cents on itunes, though)



Remember Jesus

the Author and Perfector of our faith...

and don't forget: Sunday's coming!

looking back-thankful on a Thursday

I'm not gifted with a really great memory.

I would say quite the opposite.....

That's one reason I enjoy having journals and this blog - to be able to look back and remember what God has done in my life and the lives of those around me.

So today I'm looking back at my response to Maundy Thursday last year and praying for a fresh view of who God is and what He's doing in me and the world.

And I'm thankful (this Thursday!) that I have this record to aide my memory!

in advance

Back from the road trip and feeling blessed to be home.  I love being on the road and having time with my family (although my son was....excited? tired?...can't seem to find the loving way to say 'completely off kilter and super frustrating'...oh well, we all have our days, right? but I digress..)...

I love being on the road and having time without the phone ringing and everyone running in a million different directions.  I was going to take LOTS of pictures to post and commerate the family times.  was.  I took two.  2.  Maybe I was living in the moment and not worrying about capturing each turn?  More likely I just kept forgetting I even brought the camera and didn't want it turned back on me while I was sailing down waterslides in all my white-flesh wonder.

Anyway, this isn't what I'm really thinking about today.

Today I'm thinking about a song I just listened to on the new CD I bought while away.  Apparently the song isn't new, but the CD compilation is fairly recent.  I absolutely love compilation CDs because you get a taste of many different artists, and usually it's the best song of their latest album.  The WOW people do these best, so when I saw WOW Gospel 2010, it mysteriously popped into my shopping cart!

Third song, first album - Marvin Sapp sings a song called Praise Him in Advance.  Check out these lyrics:

i've had my share of ups and downs

times when there was no one around

God came and spoke these words to me

praise will confuse the enemy

so i started singing, i started clapping

i started dancing, people were laughing

they knew my problems, they knew my pain

but i knew God would take them away

that's why i praise Him with my hands

that's why i praise Him with my dance

He's given me a second chance

come on let's praise Him in advance

that's why I praise Him with a song

when things are right and when things are wrong

He's given me a second chance

come on let's praise Him in advance

Sometimes when I'm wading through the waters of life, I look forward knowing the Lord will bring me through and have hope for the praise I will be able to offer.  I have seen Him at work enough times (and have read enough of Deuteronomy) to know of His faithfulness even amid my faithlessness.  I know when I come through to the other side, I will see all the reasons to lift His name high and rejoice at His goodness.

But what if we chose to praise Him in advance?  That takes trust to the next level, don't you think?  What if, like the prophet Habakkuk, we chose to rejoice and be joyful in the Lord even when everything was falling down around us?

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,

though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,

YET I will rejoice in the Lord,

I will be joyful in God my Saviour."

Habakkuk 3:17-18

It makes me wonder - where in my life do I need to praise Him in advance?

Maybe it's because of an extended time of "togetherness" with my kids that they come to mind.  It's so hard to be a parent that's intentional and perservering in patience and grace when there are seasons that show little fruit.  Yet today the Lord tells me that I can praise Him in advance for what He is doing and will do in and through these lives entrusted to me for a little while.

Are you praising in advance in the middle of your own storm?



reflecting on Easter morning

He is Risen!

He is Risen indeed!

Does this make a difference in my life?   It sure should.  The Bible says there is

"incomparably great power for us who believe.

That power is like the working of His mighty strength

which He exerted in Christ when

He raised Him from the dead."

(Eph. 1:19-20)

The same power that raised Christ from the dead is the source by which I can conquer the sin in my life!

Oh, I need it!

I want it to be evident in my life that my faith works.  I want people to see it from near or far, and I hope they'll want the same kind of faith in their own lives.

This song is on my daughter's ipod.  My hope is that the truth of these great Hillsong lyrics (based on scripture) will flood her heart and soul and help her to realize the opportunity she (and we all) have to access God's great power!

Be blessed, live in belief.

reflecting on Maundy Thursday

March is always a busy month for me, and this year was the same!  I have much to do in the ministry, particularly leading up to Holy Week.  The downside of this is that I don't have alot of time to really reflect on each of the special services we have at our church.  Over the past few days, I've been thinking alot about what happened Easter weekend.  This year, the Lord used my imagination to see things in a new way and I want to spend the next couple of posts reflecting on it all.  I hope it's not too 'been there, done that' for you!

The first time I participated in a Maundy Thursday service was in 2006.  At our small church in Durham, we held a foot washing service that was to celebrate and recall Jesus washing the feet of His disciples right before He was arrested and led to the cross.  I was nervous!  Should I get a pedicure?  Who exactly will be touching my feet?  ick.

It turned out to be a very beautifully intimate time as the pastor invited people to come up in pairs (of our own choosing!)  and wash each other's feet.  I watched as an elderly man came with his adult daughter....a woman, full-bloom with baby #3 came with her husband.....our worship leader came with his soon-to-be-married daughter....  My husband and I went together and I was surprised how humbling it was to have him wash my feet - I don't usually have trouble letting him serve me! ;)

At our current church, we do it a little differently.  We wash each other's feet around the circle, women washing women and men washing men.  This year the senior pastor's wife washed my feet and while it certainly felt a little awkward for me, she graciously poured the warm water over my feet and dried them with a clean, white towel.  As she knelt down in front of me, she looked up and smiled.

And suddenly, I had a clear image of my Saviour, looking up and smiling at me.  My eyes filled with tears as I realized how far I fall short of such tender love.  I thought of Jesus, His own mind whirling with what was to come and yet taking the time to serve me.

How many times have I considered service a burden?

How many time have I told my kids, 'I'm not your slave!'

How many times have I *sighed* either inwardly or outwardly, as I've been forced to put aside my own desires for the needs of someone else.

Mark 10 tells the story of Jesus encoutering a rich young man.  The man wanted the eternal life God was offering, yet struggled with claiming it.  Jesus knew the man's heart, and could see what was blocking him from really making a change in his life.  He didn't *sigh* frustrated to have to explain it all again, He didn't tell the man to go ask someone else, or ask again later...

"Jesus looked at him and loved him."

Mark 10:21

Jesus knows my limitations and He also knows my heart.  He looks at me and loves me.  He patiently leads me toward Himself, guiding me and lovingly correcting my wrong thinking.  His plans for the world are so big, and yet He cares about my journey, my little problems!

Jesus looked up at me and smiled, as He tenderly poured warm water over my feet and dried them with a clean white towel.  Better than a pedicure at the finest spa! 

pause

Last week we enjoyed a family vacation, given to us as a gift.  We had hoped to get away with the kids (somewhere besides camp, though camp is great!) but it didn't look like there would be a way for us to make it happen.  When the opportunity came to head out to the West Coast - we happily jumped at it!

A week on Vancouver Island showed me parts of God's creation that I hadn't seen before, or at least not like this.  I savoured the moments in my heart, but had very busy hands helping the kids with this, that and the other.

On the flight home last night, I finally had a moment to ponder the things I had seen.  The word that came to my mind was

Splendor!

I scanned my bible concordance for this word and immediately found a passage of scripture that perfectly fit my response.

1 Chornicles 16:29-34

      Bring an offering and come before Him;

worship the Lord in the splendor of His holiness

Tremble before Him, all the earth!

The world is firmly established; it cannot be moved.

Let the heavens be rejoice, let the earth be glad;

let them say among the nations, "The Lord reigns!"

Let the sea resound, and all that is in it;

Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them!

Then the trees of the forest will sing,

they will sing for joy before the Lord,

for He comes to judge the earth.

Give thanks to the Lord, for His is good; His love endures forever!

I'm very thankful.

I'm thankful for people who want to include us in their vacation.

I'm thankful for old friends that give freely, lovingly, with such warmth.

I'm thankful for twisty roads that, though they make us a little nauseous, always open up to a new and beautiful scene to behold.

I'm thankful for safety and fun, for being together.

I'm thankful for movies on the flight that gave me time to praise my loving Lord for all He has done, from the beginning of time to today in my little life.

His love goes on and on.