looking back

I've already been thinking about New Year's Resolutions.... am I crazy or just so 'on the ball' that I'm way ahead of schedule?  haha.  Actually, I've just been thinking about why one resolution makes the cut and another doesn't (and why that darn 'exercise more' one never sticks?...).  It's occurred to me that my resolutions are almost always born out of how I experience Christmas, or at least the Christmas season.

Last year at this time, I was very overwhelmed.  I hated every moment of gift buying for my beloved family, I left the wrapping to the last minute, I only ended up getting out about half of my Christmas cards, I baked almost nothing and I cried at the drop of a hat. I had frequent heart palpitations and slept a lot.  I avoided parties and spent a lot of time thinking about moving to the mission field...  I felt so, SO much pressure - mostly pressure I put on myself, I'm sure.  I was overwhelmed with the feeling that enough is never enough, and for a (recovering) perfectionist, that is a very tough pill to swallow.

In the light of all this, then, I can easily recognize where my single resolution came from last year.

"Be Becky."

(read the post if this just sounds too crazy for words.. it might help you understand.)

Looking back over the past year, I think I've done a pretty good job at my resolution.  I've felt more secure and worried less about being a pleaser.  I've said no to many things, but initiated other things.  I'm learning to rest when I'm tired and scale back on the things that drain me.  I've read (almost) all of God's word and haven't given up even when I was 2 whole months behind!  I've prioritized my family, found more joy in my ministry and am trying to stop obsessing about the things the world tells me I should obsess over.

Overall, I feel lighter, more at peace and have experienced more moments of JOY.  I don't feel so desperate.... like I'm always missing something.

So, you may ask, what will my resolution be this year if indeed it relates to how I experience the Christmas season?

Well, I'm not sure I'll make one.  If anything maybe it will be *see last year's resolution.*  I have a long way to go in myself and this journey with the Lord, and I pray that as I continue to look to Him, He will add (and subtract) the things I need in my life to bring me closer to Him - a little bit more each day.

Those who know your name trust in you,

for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you.

psalm 9:10 (nlt)