thinking about thinking

Sunday morning as we drove to church, my son commented on a few geese we saw in the sky.  "It's amazing, isn't it, that God made animals' brains to know when to go and when to stay, even though they don't think like humans?" he said.  We agreed.  "The human brain is even more amazing," he continued, "That in itself is proof that there is a Creator."  We agreed again.

It got me to thinking...

The human brain is an amazing thing, and yet at the same time, it can sometimes feel like our undoing.

Thinking thoughts... always thinking.

Good thoughts, happy memories, dreams and positivity.

But all to often...

Angry mental tirades, regrets, worry and negative thinking.

Thoughts seem to come out of nowhere, and in the past few days I've been burdened by thoughts that are bringing me down and I can't explain why these things have popped up.  Every time these unwelcome thoughts enter my mind, I pray they would just as quickly leave.  And when they return, I pray again.

Where do thoughts come from and how do we manage our thought life?

Scripture says to "take every thought captive" (2 Corinthians 10:5)... That came to mind right away, and I believe it!  I also believe that in order to get rid of ugly thoughts, I need to replace them with positive things.

So I searched biblegateway.com.

thoughts, think, mind...

The Bible has much to say on these topics!

The book of Romans contrasts a mind set on fleshly desires (worldly things) vs. a mind set on spiritual things and describes the mind as the starting point of my actions. (Romans 8:5)  It also challenges me to "renew" my mind (Romans 12:2), for that is the way to true transformation to becoming more like Christ.

When Colossians 3:2 tells me to "set my mind on things above," does it mean to think about pearly gates and streets of gold?

I guess that could be part of it, but I think it's more about training myself not to dwell on unlovely thoughts.  By that I don't mean unconfessed sin or something of that nature (because those things would need to be dealt with before the Lord), but anything that is untrue or discouraging  - things that make me feel like a failure, or unloveable.

When unexpected thoughts come into my mind, I shoo them away by replacing them with Truth!  I remind myself of Who God is and what He has done in my life and in the world.  I look to the Word or sing praise songs to His name.  I fix my heart and mind on the saving work of Jesus.  I recite one of the verses I haven't forgotten (Phil 4:8).

I don't know why these thoughts come in when they are never entertained for long and are certainly not welcome - you'd think they'd get the hint!  But I do believe Isaiah 26:3 is true:

You will keep in perfect peace

those whose minds are steadfast,

because they trust in you.

And so I trust, I train myself to focus on His good and I thank God for a reasonably sound mind (most days!)

How do you keep yourself from drowning in your thoughts?

practice

yes, i took this just as the light turned green.
the drummer is the light in the middle of the picture.

Last night as I was heading out for the evening, I got stopped at a stoplight very close to home.  I had just missed the light, so I knew I would be there for a couple of minutes.  Some movement caught my eye.  I looked up toward to the apartment block directly in front of me and found the window where something was happening inside.

It took me a second to realize what the person was doing, but somehow, I couldn't take my eyes off that little rectangle of light.  I saw that this person was playing the drums!  All I could see was the bob of their head to rhythm of their own beat and the rise of their sticks, but I knew that's what they were doing.  It looked so fun! I wanted to be in there listening.  (Though I did hope it was electric drum pads he or she was playing, what with the apartment living and all!)

"Practice, practice," I encouraged him silently in my head. "You will get better and better and enjoy you instrument more and more as you practice."

I suddenly remembered a blog post I read the other day about the benefits of music lessons for children.  I agreed with it all (naturally) but one part stuck out to me as something I hadn't thought of before.  Number 2 on list of benefits was that practicing is a lesson in perseverance.  Oh, that's so true!  Why have I never thought of it like that?  At the time I planned to encourage my kids with this truth to assist them in getting their practicing done.

But last night the lesson was for me.

I've recently gotten myself into a situation where I'm doing something I don't feel very good at and am not enjoying.  I've wished I could quit, but I feel kind of trapped (which makes me want to hide under the covers, makes me actually wish for the flu...).  I've asked the Lord if there's a classy way to get out this, but until last night I hadn't heard what He wanted from me.

I watched that drummer practice (and almost missed the green light!) and I knew the Lord was telling me,

"Practice, practice.  You will get better and enjoy it more as you practice.  You will learn as you persevere."

Honestly, not the answer I was hoping for, but knowing you're going in the right direction is always an encouragement!

What are you practicing these days?

please!

If you struggle with a little unofficially-named disorder called "People Pleasing" you will know that there are times when people can appear very, very scary.

There is a reasonable side to pleasing others that says you will seek to put the needs of others ahead of your own, in Christ-like fashion, but also know that you can't please everyone all the time.  There will be times that people don't agree with decisions you make, and that's OK.

That sounds reasonable, doesn't it?

If you are silently answering, "yes, but...." then you probably have the same disorder I fight.

People Pleasing can be debilitating and will produce stomach churning anxiety.  You will worry about what someone thinks, but not just in a calm, rational way.  You will turn that worry over and over and over until you feel something similar to motion sickness.  You will attempt to predict how they will respond - usually with the worst case scenerio.  You will want to avoid the Scary Person (who is, you realize, just a person....not so scary, but you can't stop seeing them through scary lenses).  You will tell yourself you are virtuous because, really, you just want them to be happy.  You tell yourself you just want to please them, when really what you want to do is jump up and down in front of them and cry,

"please, please like me!  don't be mad at me!  please accept me!  PLEASE!"

This is no way to live (I tell myself).

In the midst of some strange and very specific rules for the Israelites in the book of Leviticus, there are five verses that jumped off the page into my people-pleasing heart yesterday.  (From chapter 18:1-5)

Then the Lord said to Moses, 

² “Give the following instructions to the people of Israel. 

I am the Lord your God. 

³ So do not act like the people in Egypt, where you used to live, 

or like the people of Canaan, where I am taking you. 

You must not imitate their way of life. 

⁴ You must obey all my regulations and be careful to obey my decrees, 

for I am theLord your God. 

⁵ If you obey my decrees and my regulations, 

you will find life through them. 

I am the Lord.

I hear the Lord reminding me:  Don't look at how other people live.  Don't try and do things the way they do them just because you think they'll like you more.  Don't worry about what they think about the decisions you make.  Look at Me!  Look at Me and please Me.  Not because you're bound to rules but because I AM the One who gives you life.  I AM your Lord.

The disorder will not go away over night and the knot in my stomach is still there to a degree, but now it serves as a reminder to surrender my worries, my identity to Jesus.

back at it

i'm so on-again, off-again with this blog that i probably shouldn't even talk about the fact that i'm so on-again, off-again.....boring.

instead i feel compelled to share something that happened a couple of weeks ago.  truth be told, it was more than something that "happened."  this thing rocked. my. world.

it's a bit of long (and again, boring) story, but the seating situation in our living room has recently changed.  after acquiring a piano (yay!), we had to take out a large arm chair and were left with our sectional.  in our small cozy space, the sectional works well and seats at least 5, so it's generally not a big deal.  until that is, it comes time for g and i to meet at the end of the day to relax and watch a bit of the ol' telly.  you see, he has always planted himself in the arm chair while i've sprawled on the sectional.

(heidi - do you see the plastic strawberry?
looks like i don't have wait until we move to get it! ha!)

again, not a big deal, but he is now joining me on the couch, where there really is a primary position and a less desirable secondary position.

if you know my husband, you know he self-sacrifices and gives me the better spot. (love.)

are you asking yourself if this all is enough to rock my world?

wait for it....

so a couple of weeks ago, i'm all snuggled up with my favorite blanket in the best seat in the house, and my darling husband is stretched out on the "other" side.  he looks less comfortable than i feel, so i suggest that he switches positions and puts his feet up on the coffee table - wouldn't that be more comfortable (and aren't i sooo helpful)?

he replies - wait for it....

i don't like feet on the coffee table.

i. don't. like. feet. on. the. coffee. table.

my brain slowly processes these words and my mind's memory reel flashes with a montage of my feet - in slippers, in flip-flops, in socks, bare, painting my toenails-forgoodnesssake!- on that coffee table.

what?  what? i question. you have a problem with feet on the coffee table? i ALWAYS put my feet on the coffee table!

for the next 24 hours - i am not kidding - i question him about this coffee table thing.  but the thing that i just can't get over is that he has never told me before.

do you know how many things i dislike that i've never told him?

exactly none.

any little dissatisfaction, distaste or dislike that crosses my pretty little mind - i mention.  out loud.  to him.

not just things about him, but about life, people, stuff and the world in general.  every little thing.

and here we've been married for 15 years (of propped-on-the-coffee-table-feet) and he never uttered a word about it.

he is not a saint (sorry sweetie!) and he is not a passive person.  he chose to let it go.  he doesn't like it, but it wasn't important enough to worked up about.  he literally works to live the words of Paul:

Instead, be kind to each other, 

tenderhearted, 

forgiving one another, 

just as God through Christ 

has forgiven you. 

eph 4:32 nlt

kind and tender-hearted.

is it possible that i could keep some of my opinions to myself and just let them go?  that i could chose kindness and tender-heartedness over brutal openness?

with God's help, i believe yes.  and with God's help, i'm working on it.

what's been rocking your world these days?

Sometimes

Sometimes when dad is away, mom gets to be the fun one. Mom gets to takes the kids on a special outing or have a favorite meal.

Sometimes when dad is away, the kids pull together, work together, play and share together.

Sometimes when dad is away, mom is light, the days are peaceful, the time flies by.

Then there other times.

Mom wakes up to the sound of fighting, or wild running, or wrestling that's only fun for the biggest kid and always ends in crying.

The day is spent saying 'no,' sighing heavily, and rolling eyes, (kids & mom alike).

The nights can't come quickly enough, and even in their sleep they are demanding as they take turns sleep walking - scaring the pants off me every time when they show up out if nowhere saying crazy things...

And when dad comes through the door, we all breathe a sigh of relief, try to let bygones be bygones, and greet him with delight, not 'save me!'

find it here

And we hope and pray that next time (in 2 weeks!) will be better; we remember that each member of our family is so vital and loved; we makes plans to do better and be better.

Maybe I'll even buckle down and get this book read before the next time....

encouraged

we snuggled into story time together,

cass & i,

and i thought we would simply have some quality cuddling while accomplishing her daily reading goal.

the Lord had another idea.

as we turned the page to this picture:

my sweet child said, 'oh mommy, that looks like you!  she has her coffee, she's reading her bible in the morning... just like you!'

my heart skipped a little beat of praise and thanksgiving 

for this child has started more days of her six and a half years NOT seeing her mom

with her coffee...

reading her bible...

and yet, she still identified the picture with me.

talk about a kick-in-the-pants!

i never, NEVER want that image to change.

as she grows, the more she sees me like this,

the more she'll assume it is

"normal"

to be that kind of woman.

what a lovely way to be reminded!

Deuteronomy 6:5-7

New Living Translation (NLT)

⁵ And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. ⁶ And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. ⁷ Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.

coasting

have you ever had that thing where you say something (or quote someone) that sounds 'wise' in a conversation with a friend, only to later realize that quote was for yourself?

is it just me?

the truth of the matter is i read quite a bit and listen to a lot of sermons and podcasts, so i've often got something on the tip of my brain that can fit into conversation, and i often worry that i sound like the 'answer lady' - because i certainly am not...

the other day i was chatting with a friend and i heard myself quote something my husband said in a sermon years ago. (in fact, i told my friend that it was the first time when listening to him speak that i didn't hear him, i heard the Lord.)

"when you see an eagle, high in the sky, coasting-

they're actually gradually floating closer to the ground.

if you're in a place in your relationship with the Lord where you know you're coasting,

you're not maintaining the place you were-

you're moving farther away from Him."

this has been ringing through my brain ever since i quoted it.

this is the reminder the Lord had for me - i have been coasting.

this morning a verse came to mind as i was sorting the laundry:

"in repentance and rest is your salvation,

in quietness and trust is your strength..."

isaiah 30:15

i confess, Lord, i've been trying to do it on my own...

i'm busy - and keeping busy - not slowing down to hear from  You....

i talk to too much, even when i talk to You - teach me listen...

i believe Your ways for me are best, help me to overcome any unbelief...

challenge

We're in a new stage of life here in the Hall home: all my kids are in school full time.  (woo-hoo!)

It's been a week and I've accomplished a fair bit, though it's been very quiet - too quiet...However, we're all adjusting and I'm finding I have a bit more time to do some things that I've always enjoyed but don't always get uninterrupted time for.

Namely: listening to podcasts.

I love to listen and I subscribe to a few, but my favorite by far is Focus on the Family.  I'm pretty sure the program plays on the radio at specific times, but I like to download them so I can listen at my leisure!

Do you download them?  You should!

The other day, I was catching up on one that was played back in May or June where the speaker Cynthia Tobias was talking about her book, You Can't Make Me.  It's for parents of strong-willed children.

~This is where I step onto my soap-box....

I've always disliked the label of "strong-willed."

I've always disliked the implication that it means you have disobedient children.

I generally don't approve of any label that has a negative connotation.



What I came to learn through listening to this speaker is that I probably AM strong-willed, and that's what makes me resist the title so vehemently.

well, isn't that nice.

Regardless, there was more for me to learn in this 2-part series.

The Lord had a word for me, and I had to decide if it would reach all the way to my heart.

Let me testify: it did.

Tobias described a conversation she had with the mother of a 16 year old son whose messy bedroom was driving her crazy.  (That caught my attention.  I've been really hassling my kids about their rooms.)  His clothes were all over the floor (MY kids clothes are all over the floor) and every time she picked them up, her frustration and bitterness would resurface and grow. (oh how I wish I didn't understand that part!) God spoke to this woman and challenged her to pray for her son every time she picked up after him or cleaned up his messes.  (Oh Lord, I hear You.  I'll do that too.)  The woman followed through for the next 6 months and was blessed by an improved relationship with her son.

When, 6 months after she started praying her son was killed in a car accident, she was so thankful she had heard from the Lord and obeyed.

I stopped in my tracks, just then, and prayed that the Lord would cause me to remember this example; to remember this call on my own heart; to remember to pray.

thinking thoughts

for me, a road trip = thinking time, and boy did i need the four days of driving we did this week!

i've been asked to speak at a women's retreat this fall and was given philippians 3 as my chapter.  you'll remember this chapter as the one where paul lists his credentials, counts them as loss, encourages us to press on (forgetting what is behind), and reminds us about our future home in heaven.

good stuff.

the only trouble i've been having in trying to prepare to speak on this, is what the focus should be.  i mean, someone could talk for a long time about any one of these ideas....but i'm supposed to talk about the whole chapter.  (should i just bring chair cushions for everyone and go for it??)  not only that, but when i'm going to a retreat, i really hope to hear something that i can apply to my daily life, something that softens my heart to hear what the Lord has for me.

with these things in mind, what do i say?

as i chatted with my hubby about some ideas i'd had, a quote came to mind from the book i've been savouring in my quiet time:

"too many of us live with an uncontrolled thought life." (Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl - Lysa Terkeurst)

this stopped me in my tracks when i read it a while ago and has been playing through my mind often.  i started to think about my assigned chapter and how my thought life plays a role in each of these things.  i got to thinking about how if i desire to give over every part of myself to the Lord and yet allow my mind and my thoughts to do as they will, i will never have the freedom, peace and victory i crave.

so this is where YOU come in, friend.

even if you don't plan to attend this retreat (Christian Ladies Retreat, September 9-10 at Faith Bible Camp - sign up today!), i'd love to hear your thoughts!  i love the idea of being able to share not only my own experience with the women at the retreat, but maybe yours too (no names mentioned, of course).

here's the question:

if "faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" (Heb 11:1),  share the importance of the role of your thoughts in terms of being rooted and flourishing in your faith ...  and ... share a time in your life that you suffered the consequence of "thoughts gone wild."

please take the time to help a sister out - chime in now! :)

what a ride

I used to love rollercoasters.

I can't stand the round-and-round of most amusement park rides, but after riding the mind-bender at West Edmonton Mall for the first time in 1993 - I was hooked.

It's such a rush, getting locked into your seat and slowly tick-tick-tick-ing up the long slow slope before the first drop.

And then you're off!

Up and down, round  and upside down.... at times lifting out of your seat...coming to the very tip top and having full view of the park before the next sudden drop.

I used to love rollercoasters.

 On our honeymoon over 13 years ago, my brand new husband and I spent the day at Valleyfair in Minnesota.  Besides getting burnt to a crisp - which never fails to happen when you're as fair as I am - the most memorable part of the day was riding the Wild Thing.

We even got one of those key chains showing your face as you travel through a dark tunnel.  It's still kicking around here somewhere...

It was so fun to experience the thrill of that kind of "safe fear" together and we joked about how we'd travel to all the Six Flags amusement parks and ride the biggest, baddest coasters we could find.

Yeah, I talk big.

The last big coaster I rode was in southern Ontario at Marineland.  We were thankful at the time because my brother-in-law was with us and could hang out with the kids while we went together.

That was my last big ride.

As we whipped around the corners and loops I thought of my 3 little kids.  They were 7, 5 and 2....and I couldn't help but wonder what would happen to these little lives if the tragic worse case scenerio happened during our ride.  I tried to focus on the fun of losing gravity but I just pictured their pink cheeks in the morning, rosy from sleep and their sweet voices telling me all their very important stories.

The thrill of adventure no longer seemed important to me, what mattered was having my feet firmly planted on the ground.

Up and down, round and round.  There have been times I have let my emotions run my life.  There are still times that I struggle with being driven by how I feel, but as I watch my children grow I realize how important it is for them to have people in their lives that not only are consistent in their parenting (because don't we all know that) but that are consistent in their walk with the Lord and trust in Him.

Does that mean I should never doubt, or question or even secretly wonder?

I don't think so.

I do think it means that I need to build spiritual disciplines into my life that enable me walk with God even during dry or doubting times.  And I also think it means I need to be (carefully) honest with my kids about how being on the journey with Christ isn't a smooth and easy road, but it's still worth it.

The satisfaction of feeling every feeling (and usually acting-or acting out- on it) has lost its shine; what matters now is that I take every thought captive and make it obedient to my Saviour. (2 corinthians 5:10)

And hey, I can always use the rollercoaster as a metaphor -especially now that my first born is hooked on them and tends to be a little up-and-down herself!

...with His help...

 I will sing of your strength, 

       in the morning I will sing of your love; 

       for you are my fortress, 

       my refuge in times of trouble.

    O my Strength, I sing praise to you; 

       you, O God, are my fortress, my loving God.

psalm 59:16-17

growing up

Music is a very important part of the life of our family, so when my firstborn said she wanted to try out for the grade 5 divisional choir, I was thrilled!  She was accepted and I was (not surprised and) so pleased !  She was so brave walking into the rehearsal room, knowing only one of the sixty other children seated in the risers, and I felt so proud!

This morning I drove her to a bus where she confidently hopped up the steps, off for three days of choir camp.  And I - well, I was....speechless.  I know every mother asks herself where has the time gone, and I have wondered it many a time.

But today I marveled again to see the girl she is becoming, and wondering what the Lord might have for her future, should she choose to follow Him. 

She's growing up.  She's so intentional about becoming independent and applying the things she has learned about life in her almost 10 years.  I don't think she knows (even though I've tried to tell her) how much of an inspiration she is to me.

This past weekend I was at a women's retreat at one of my favorite places in the world, Faith Bible Camp.  It was a perfect fall weekend, the leaves were golden and the sun was warm.  The speakers shared what God had taught them about 1 John.  I had read the five chapters before the weekend to prepare for leading the worship times, and the Lord had already been softening my heart to hear.

Probably the most well known part of the book of 1 John is chapter 4:7-8, because of praise song written to these words :

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God

Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  

Whoever does not love does not know God

because God is love.

One speaker spoke of her deep conviction as she thought about the "hate" she'd been holding on to for a particular person.  Another speaker challenged us to put aside the fear that keeps us from loving others as Christ loves us.  

There are many people in life that are easy to love.  Sadly, sometimes it's even easier to extend love to the homeless person on the street than "that person" (you know the one!) in your life that drives you crazy.

"God has poured out his love in our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given you."

Romans 5:5

God has given me His love, not to greedily hang on to and cherish for myself, but to extend to others.  No excuses.  No "yeah, but...."

The bottom line?  It's time for me to grow up.  Love isn't going to just happen in my life without being intentional, without confidently hopping up the steps of the love bus (cheesy, I know) and trusting that as I follow God's command, He will give me courage and strength to persevere when loving is too hard.

Not worrying about protecting myself, no fear.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear." 

1 John 4:18

puzzling: part 2

Lessons from puzzling - part 2:

Puzzles require ALOT of patience!

I was so gung-ho, thinking about the lovely time I could spend each evening calmly putting pieces into place....preventing me from the never-a-good-idea evening snacking....relaxing me until I took myself to bed for a peaceful slumber.....

not so.

If one doesn't watch oneself, one can become rather agitated while trying to put together a VERY DIFFICULT and CHALLENGING puzzle.

I'm not going to lie - after one evening, I almost put it away.  I know, that's so pathetic!  That's my perfectionism rearing it's ugly head once again.  If I can't do it swiftly and excellently - why bother?

Forced to face my limitations, I had a decision on my hands - give up or persevere?

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."  James 1:2-3

We're not talking about puzzles anymore, are we?

Life so often feels like a puzzle - how will things come together?  what will the final picture look like?  where does this piece go??  Each day is another piece in place, another step in faith, another opportunity to walk in loving obedience.  Some pieces slip right in, almost without thinking.  Others require searching, trying it here or there, patience.

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."  James 1:12

No short-cuts, just a slow steady walk toward the promises of God.

Toward Jesus!