in case i forget...

it can be good.

even when i feel so grumpy.

even when i feel hard-done-by.

it can be good.

even when i feel forced.

even when the youngest has expectations as high as the sky.

it can be good.

even when i'm tired.

even when it isn't "working for me."

it can be good.

even when he has another meeting.

even though she snaps at her sibling.

it can be good.

sit and breathe in the Word.

"Do not be afraid, I bring good news..."

Lord, You are good.

and after the good has washed over my soul,

there are cookies to make 

and stories to read.

soft cheeks that still welcome my kisses.

it's all good.

(photo credits: E & C Hall)

today

take a deep breath
and listen closely...

what's that sound?

it's silence.
quiet.
calm.

it's the coffee percolating,
the washer spinning,
the air conditioner blowing.

stillness.

it's Bible pages turning,
pen writing,
keyboard tapping.

peace.

no questions asking,
no distant fighting,
no tv blaring.

hush.

finally,
and yet suddenly?
the day has arrived.

backpacks,
lunches,
squeaky new shoes.

the first day of school.

breathe deeply
and enjoy the sound
of silence.

more or less

everyone has their opinion about stuff.

some people are comforted by being surrounded by the things they love, and sparse decor makes them feel cold and uncomfortable.

others feel suffocated by too many things out and around, and clutter makes them anxious and on edge.

i definitely fall into the latter category.

i have always preferred a tidy space.  my friends in high school used to "mess" with me by moving things on my dresser and in my room a quarter inch when i left the room and would laugh hysterically as i not-so-subtly slid them back into their proper position.

order.
organization.
clutter-free.

without these i have a tendency to feel quickly overwhelmed and the anxiety levels rise.  (yes, pray for me!)

my little secret, though, is that sometimes the solution to my neatfreak tidy needs is a good closet or drawer.  sweep it all away and close that door!  instant relief.

until, that is, you need something from said closet.  oy.

this is the position in which i found myself after neglecting my annual post-Christmas purge.  the century home we live in has loads of great character and very little closet and storage space, so we have created a space in our laundry room fondly known as the "behind the curtain storage."  we cleverly came up with name to define an area of storage that we've hung a curtain in front of.  i know, genius.

after many, many months of no care, this area had gotten out of control!  and every time i needed something from it (which is often) or had an idea to do some kind of sewing project (this is where all my supplies are kept), i just couldn't "go there."

ok, do you want to see it?

this is where we keep G's suit jackets, all our games,
misc linens, all sewing supplies, random wires and manuals for things,
gift bags & tissue paper, some other toys not in use as well as
a couple of infrequently used kitchen pans.

now, i can admit that this doesn't actually look that bad.  the problem for me is that every basket and container that was meant to help with the organization had become a huge hodge-podge of random mess.  (including a fair bit of junk that apparently at some point i thought i needed to keep...)

but that's just the problem - it's the "what if i need this?" that can lead to a situation like this.  i know my space has limited storage (every space has it's limits), and so i know that right now i don't have the luxury of keeping things "just in case."  if i don't have space for it, it has to go.

and so i got down to it - peter walsh's show playing in the background.  i sorted every basket and box, i looked at every item and cleaned in, around and behind.  i grabbed some big bags and began to fill them with things that i may actually wish i had one day (and so what?).  as i released things from my life, i felt other burdens lift.  burdens of what if and if only.  where the empty spaces of the closet appeared, peace filled my soul.

and after the bags were out the back door ready for a trip to the goodwill store, i pulled back the curtain again to behold the fruit of my labor.

*happy sigh*

i feel better.

from there i moved to the kids closets and the front entrance.  it felt so good to be productive and have order in some hidden spaces - of my home and of my heart.

Do you have a (home or heart) closet that needs purging?

back at it

i'm so on-again, off-again with this blog that i probably shouldn't even talk about the fact that i'm so on-again, off-again.....boring.

instead i feel compelled to share something that happened a couple of weeks ago.  truth be told, it was more than something that "happened."  this thing rocked. my. world.

it's a bit of long (and again, boring) story, but the seating situation in our living room has recently changed.  after acquiring a piano (yay!), we had to take out a large arm chair and were left with our sectional.  in our small cozy space, the sectional works well and seats at least 5, so it's generally not a big deal.  until that is, it comes time for g and i to meet at the end of the day to relax and watch a bit of the ol' telly.  you see, he has always planted himself in the arm chair while i've sprawled on the sectional.

(heidi - do you see the plastic strawberry?
looks like i don't have wait until we move to get it! ha!)

again, not a big deal, but he is now joining me on the couch, where there really is a primary position and a less desirable secondary position.

if you know my husband, you know he self-sacrifices and gives me the better spot. (love.)

are you asking yourself if this all is enough to rock my world?

wait for it....

so a couple of weeks ago, i'm all snuggled up with my favorite blanket in the best seat in the house, and my darling husband is stretched out on the "other" side.  he looks less comfortable than i feel, so i suggest that he switches positions and puts his feet up on the coffee table - wouldn't that be more comfortable (and aren't i sooo helpful)?

he replies - wait for it....

i don't like feet on the coffee table.

i. don't. like. feet. on. the. coffee. table.

my brain slowly processes these words and my mind's memory reel flashes with a montage of my feet - in slippers, in flip-flops, in socks, bare, painting my toenails-forgoodnesssake!- on that coffee table.

what?  what? i question. you have a problem with feet on the coffee table? i ALWAYS put my feet on the coffee table!

for the next 24 hours - i am not kidding - i question him about this coffee table thing.  but the thing that i just can't get over is that he has never told me before.

do you know how many things i dislike that i've never told him?

exactly none.

any little dissatisfaction, distaste or dislike that crosses my pretty little mind - i mention.  out loud.  to him.

not just things about him, but about life, people, stuff and the world in general.  every little thing.

and here we've been married for 15 years (of propped-on-the-coffee-table-feet) and he never uttered a word about it.

he is not a saint (sorry sweetie!) and he is not a passive person.  he chose to let it go.  he doesn't like it, but it wasn't important enough to worked up about.  he literally works to live the words of Paul:

Instead, be kind to each other, 

tenderhearted, 

forgiving one another, 

just as God through Christ 

has forgiven you. 

eph 4:32 nlt

kind and tender-hearted.

is it possible that i could keep some of my opinions to myself and just let them go?  that i could chose kindness and tender-heartedness over brutal openness?

with God's help, i believe yes.  and with God's help, i'm working on it.

what's been rocking your world these days?

bread goodness

who doesn't love a church cookbook?

I have two from my own church, and this recipe is from my girlfriend's church in another town.  I chose to try it for one reason - it's name!  Something about the name "herbed peasant bread" sounds so beautifully rustic and downhome.  It also appealed to me because I always have every single one of these ingredients on hand, which means I can whip it up an ol' time (as long as I'm home for the afternoon!).

Yeast breads are time consuming only because of the waiting, but this one is worth the wait!  So without further ado, I introduce to you the accompaniment, nay, the star of yesterday's dinner....

HERBED PEASANT BREAD

submitted by Lydia Krahn (who I don't know)

1/2 cup chopped onion

3 Tbsp butter

1 cup plus 2 Tbsp warm milk

1 Tbsp sugar

1 tsp salt

1/2 tsp dill weed

1/2 tsp dried basil

1/2 tsp dried crushed rosemary

1 pkg dry yeast (2 1/4 tsp)

3 to 3 1/2 cups flour

melted butter

In a skillet on low heat, saute butter and onion until tender, about 8 minutes.

Cool for 10 minutes

Place in a mixing bowl.

Add milk, sugar, salt, herbs, yeast and 3 cups of flour;

beat until smooth (I used a wooden spoon).

Add enough flour to form a soft dough.

(keep it tacky for the softest bread)

Turn onto a floured board;

knead until smooth and elastic, 6-8 minutes.

Place in a greased bowl (I use a tiny bit of olive oil),

turning once to grease top.

Cover and let rise in a warm place until doubled, about 45 minutes.

Punch down, shaped into a ball (I like an oval shape)

and place on a greased baking sheet.

(I used stoneware, so it wasn't greased.)

Cover and let rise until doubled, about 45 minutes.

Bake at 375 F for 25-30 minutes.

Remove to wire rack (oops, I didn't do that);

brush with butter.

Cool. Yields 1 loaf

Perfect with anything and everything, as well as on it's own, if you ask me!

Here it is on the side of yesterday's crockpot wonder:

an extra hint:

If you don't always spill flour on yourself like I do,

might I recommend that you purposely sprinkle some somewhere on your person

to prove your bread is homemade! :)

also - see John 6:35

go forth, and bake!

itchy

We are renters.

(there, i said it.)

We've been renting for all 14 years of our marriage.

our first place was a one bedroom apartment in a 3 story walk up.  it didn't smell great, but it was so fun to 'set up house' together for the very first time.

a year later we moved to a two bedroom apartment in a different 3 story walk up.  the place was recommended to us by our friends (who later became our neighbours!) and we loved this little place.  it had a little brick corner fireplace that we used all the time.  it had a small chef's kitchen with a large pantry and a dining room i painted lilac.  it had a large storage room/closet that we transformed into G's "office" - complete with desk, bookshelves and a large office chair (that he often napped in).  we brought our first baby home to this place.

two years after moving in, we were expecting our second child, so we moved again!  this time it was a two-storey side-by-side with three bedrooms and one AND A HALF bathrooms.  major upgrade! :)  this home had a great fenced backyard and an eat-in kitchen large enough to have a kiddie table in one corner.  we threw down some carpet in half the basement and it became a great playroom for the two little ones.  we lived there for 3 years.

in 2005, we had our third baby and moved again...not because she came along, but because my husband had applied and was accepted to study at Duke University in North Carolina.  this move was a little different.  far - very far - away, into a new country.  we moved into a 3 bedroom, 2 bath townhouse in a lovely neighbourhood a block of the east campus.  the townhouse had large bedrooms and good space.  i tried to overlook the weird "miami vice" glass bricks that were a large (curved) part of our living room wall.  this home was special to us because it was where our family grew very close together, where we learned what it meant to rely on the Lord in a more significant way and where we had many visitors from back home.  a year later, we moved again.

this time we ended up in Mississauga, Ontario.  our rental was the main floor of a semi for the first year until we took over the rent of the basement as well.  this place had nice space, was walking distance to the kids' school and a 3 minute drive to our church.  we were very comfortable there and enjoyed hosting bible studies and small groups and family and friends who came for visits.  we had a separate guest room (and bathroom) and lots and lots of storage.

when we moved back to our home town 2 years later, we moved into a rental house that was a direct gift from God.  it answered little dreams of mine that i'd had for years and had all but stopped hoping for.  it has lots of character and yet has been upgraded in a modern way.  it has a nice sized deck for entertaining, a great old bannister for hanging garland and stockings, and is in a neighbourhood that we love.  our kids never want to leave this home.

i used to feel badly about the fact that we're not homeOWNERS.  like somehow we're not REAL adults.  it has been a lesson in contentment, in trusting in God's timing and provision.  i've been blessed by the nester who writes a blog called content to rent.  i guess we're not the only ones - who knew?

and even though i'm getting a little itchy to move again (we've now lived in this home longer than any other), i know that God's plans are best and i can enjoy what He has for me today even while i dream about the future.

here's a verse the Lord has used in my life over the last 14 years:

 Commit to the LORD whatever you do,
and he will establish your plans.
proverbs 16:3

judge not

My bathroom is a mess.

Please don't judge me.

The unkind judge says I'm lazy, or dirty, or need to get my priorities in order.

The too-kind judge says I must be busy baking and reading to my children,

volunteering and giving my best self to others, not my toilet.

It's just not clean today.

That is all.

~*~

My bathroom is clean.

Please don't judge me.

The unkind judge says I'm neglecting my family, have some sort of OCD, or need to get my priorities in order.

The too-kind judge says I'm super mom, getting it all done, even shining the mirrors and taps. (I bet she caught her own fish for an omega-3 boost for the family's dinner, too...)

It just got cleaned today.

That is all.

I am not my bathroom.

My bathroom says nothing about me except that I prefer it clean.

That is all.

multi-tasking

Who isn't looking for ways to multi-task these days?  I know am!  It's actually kind of a chronic problem for me... when I'm looking for new shoes, I tend to leave empty handed because - go figure - there just aren't shoes out there that I can wear to work, to the grocery store, for exercise and a date night.  They just don't exist.

But when I find a way that I can multi-task, I like to share.  So here it is - if you want to clean your house, exercise and have a great worship experience you have to listen to my new favorite album:

see the website!

Gather your cleaning supplies and blast this music in your ipod.  How can you help but not work faster - praising God for even having a home to clean, worshiping Him for His mercies - new every morning (Lam 3:22-23).  And I dare you not to break a sweat!  And when you finish listening, your heart will be blessed, your house will be clean, and if you're like me, you'll need a fresh t-shirt!

See if this gets you in the mood.....

weeds

I have had the most lovely, home-body kind of weekend! I spent hours and hours puttering around outside, happily planting more flowers (is enough ever really enough?), and cleaning up the deck. I also decided that since my husband was away, I would serve him by doing a job he had been putting off.....ok, that's a nice way of saying I simply couldn't wait any longer for it it get done!

I decided to pull the weeds out of our back parking pad.

How bad can it be, right? I can safely say (and my poor back will agree) it was bad!

As I began tugging up the deep-rooted dandelions, at first it was almost fun. Yes, I do know that's weird, but there was such a feeling of accomplishment when I would twist the plant just so and know with all my heart that I had pulled up the entire root! As I slowly and methodically pulled weed after weed, I got to thinking - this is not nearly as satisfying as pulling the weeds (all 5 of them) out of my new window box. This job was tedious, literally painful (again, my back!) and not completely successful (so many weeds....).

In the parable of the weeds in Matthew 13, Jesus calls the weeds "the children of the evil one."

sin.

I started thinking about sin in my own life and how when I've caught it early, before I grew too attached to it (before the roots went down too deep) it was fairly easy to repent and release said sin.

I continued yanking (are these dandelions multiplying before my eyes??) and I thought about the times in my past when I've allowed a "pet" sin to grow and grow, thinking I could control it and it wasn't that big of a deal.....after all, God has alot more important things to worry about than my problem with ________......

After a particularly stubborn root knocked me off my feet (such a sight for the neighbours to behold!), I remembered the sorrow, pain, and discipline it took to clear that sin out of my life. It didn't happen over night, that is for certain!

O Lord, keep me from going there again. Help me to be honest with myself and honest with You, so I can keep short accounts of the ways I stray. Grant me Your grace to admit I can't live a moment without Your touch.

"Yet if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm and without fear. You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope."

Job 11:13-18