united

one of my favourite feelings is "us against them."

jeremyhiebert.ca

does that require some explanation?

ok then.  what i mean is, one of my favourite feelings within my family is "parents against the kids."

there are days that husband and wife struggle to see eye to eye on parenting (or life in general).  but there are those better days when the kids are bananas and the parents can't help but laugh together, conspire together, and plan to put the kids to bed early just to be together.

those days are great!

...so much better than feeling like i'm smarter and know more about how to handle every parenting situation that comes our way.

...so much better that feeling right.

...so much better than being on the side of the kids.

being on the same side with him is much more fun.
i need to remember this.

Sometimes

Sometimes when dad is away, mom gets to be the fun one. Mom gets to takes the kids on a special outing or have a favorite meal.

Sometimes when dad is away, the kids pull together, work together, play and share together.

Sometimes when dad is away, mom is light, the days are peaceful, the time flies by.

Then there other times.

Mom wakes up to the sound of fighting, or wild running, or wrestling that's only fun for the biggest kid and always ends in crying.

The day is spent saying 'no,' sighing heavily, and rolling eyes, (kids & mom alike).

The nights can't come quickly enough, and even in their sleep they are demanding as they take turns sleep walking - scaring the pants off me every time when they show up out if nowhere saying crazy things...

And when dad comes through the door, we all breathe a sigh of relief, try to let bygones be bygones, and greet him with delight, not 'save me!'

find it here

And we hope and pray that next time (in 2 weeks!) will be better; we remember that each member of our family is so vital and loved; we makes plans to do better and be better.

Maybe I'll even buckle down and get this book read before the next time....

angst

being a parent is way harder than i ever imagined it would be.

when i had babies, it was all about feeding, changing and cuddling.  i worried when they cried for a long time or slept along time or ate more/less than usual...

when i had toddlers, it was all about routine, play and cuddling.  i worried about teaching them rules for life - clean up after you make a mess, say please and thank you and the like....

as they started school, it was still about routine with plenty of time for play and less-frequent cuddles (by their choice).  i worried about them fitting in and making friends, being able to do school with some degree of 'success' and developing Christ-like character...

my kids are still young, but now that they are learning more about the world and people, my heart breaks regularly.  it is so hard to hear how they process friendships.  it is so hard to hear them say they feel stupid in a particular situation or like they don't fit.  it is so hard to watch them struggle.  i've never known such pain in my heart.  honestly, sometimes i wonder if i'd known how much this would hurt...

and they're not even teenagers yet.

i've heard mothers further along on the journey say how having children drove them to their knees more than ever before.  i don't think i could say i fully understood that when they were babies, toddlers, pre-and-early-schoolers.  don't get me wrong - i've always prayed for my kids, and i probably would have told you i understood the real need for prayer at every stage.

but now.

tears and questions that i have no answers for lead me to lean on Jesus in a new way.  the angst of my child brings angst in my own heart - sometimes reliving my own youth, sometimes watching something i've never seen before.  i desperately want to have all the answers.  where are the books that give me all the answers??  i want to make it all better, like kissing a boo-boo and applying a colourful bandage, but i just can't.

and so i give lots of hugs and listen even more.  i try to reassure and encourage.  i point to scripture and tell my own stories.  and i pray, and pray, and pray.

¹⁶ I pray that out of his glorious riches
he may strengthen you 

with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 

¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. 

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 

¹⁸ may have power, 

together with all the Lord’s holy people, 

to grasp how wide 

and long 

and high 

and deep 

is the love of Christ, 

¹⁹and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—

that you may be filled to the measure 

of all the fullness of God.

eph 3:16-19

challenge

We're in a new stage of life here in the Hall home: all my kids are in school full time.  (woo-hoo!)

It's been a week and I've accomplished a fair bit, though it's been very quiet - too quiet...However, we're all adjusting and I'm finding I have a bit more time to do some things that I've always enjoyed but don't always get uninterrupted time for.

Namely: listening to podcasts.

I love to listen and I subscribe to a few, but my favorite by far is Focus on the Family.  I'm pretty sure the program plays on the radio at specific times, but I like to download them so I can listen at my leisure!

Do you download them?  You should!

The other day, I was catching up on one that was played back in May or June where the speaker Cynthia Tobias was talking about her book, You Can't Make Me.  It's for parents of strong-willed children.

~This is where I step onto my soap-box....

I've always disliked the label of "strong-willed."

I've always disliked the implication that it means you have disobedient children.

I generally don't approve of any label that has a negative connotation.



What I came to learn through listening to this speaker is that I probably AM strong-willed, and that's what makes me resist the title so vehemently.

well, isn't that nice.

Regardless, there was more for me to learn in this 2-part series.

The Lord had a word for me, and I had to decide if it would reach all the way to my heart.

Let me testify: it did.

Tobias described a conversation she had with the mother of a 16 year old son whose messy bedroom was driving her crazy.  (That caught my attention.  I've been really hassling my kids about their rooms.)  His clothes were all over the floor (MY kids clothes are all over the floor) and every time she picked them up, her frustration and bitterness would resurface and grow. (oh how I wish I didn't understand that part!) God spoke to this woman and challenged her to pray for her son every time she picked up after him or cleaned up his messes.  (Oh Lord, I hear You.  I'll do that too.)  The woman followed through for the next 6 months and was blessed by an improved relationship with her son.

When, 6 months after she started praying her son was killed in a car accident, she was so thankful she had heard from the Lord and obeyed.

I stopped in my tracks, just then, and prayed that the Lord would cause me to remember this example; to remember this call on my own heart; to remember to pray.