modest

I like clothes.
And I like to look nice.
I'm pretty sure I've always been like that.

My grandma has a picture in her collection of me and my cousin standing together the year we coincidentally ended up with very similar swimsuits.  We were probably around 9 or 10, and while we were both very much "children" in our appearance, one of us was standing like a regular kid and the other was posing like (what she thought was) a super model.

I'll let you guess which was which...

I've always cared about my appearance and my clothes - sometimes too much.  In the last number of years, however, I've thought a lot more about modesty.  I certainly went through a phase where modesty was of no concern to me, but as I've gotten a little older and watched the styles and trends change; as have had two daughters of my own, modesty has been something I've spent more time considering.  Why is modesty important?  Who is modesty for?  What does modesty look like?

Last summer at teen camp, my husband asked me to speak to the girls about godly sexuality, and modesty again came to mind.  Today I was reminded of some of things the Lord taught me in preparing for that talk.  A facebook friend/relative of mine posted a link to an article written by Sharon Hodde Miller for Relavant magazine which also included another link to a separate article she had written for her-meneuntics (a division of Christianity Today).
[click the links to read both articles]

Let me just say, this lady and I are of one mind!

As I read (and "amen-ed") these two pieces, I thought of my seven year old daughter.  This girl cares about her personal style.  She likes colourful dresses and fun tshirts, and she loves to be complimented on her outfit!  As a toddler, she was the one who could be seen twirling her skirt for the attention it brought her.  More than once I wondered about the fashion choices she would want to make as a teen....

she's poser - just like her mom!

I'm not sure when I first introduced the idea of modesty to her.  I don't remember it being intentional.  But at some point the word came out and the concept must have been explained, because she knows what it means.  As we watched the red carpet for the Oscars together (doesn't everyone do that with their 7 yr old?), she had much to say about the dresses she admired!

What made my heart swell at the time was that she wasn't judgemental of the choices the actresses had made, she showed discernment.  "oh, her dress is such a pretty colour and I love the way it ruffles in the back," she would say, "but it probably is a little immodest at the front top part...."

It makes me think.  Here is a girl who doesn't yet understand the feeling of power a young woman can feel by dressing in a way that makes boys swoon (which is sweet way of saying something that likely isn't sweet).  She's learning to assess outfits and choices based on whether or not it's appropriate for her and honouring to God.  Maybe she doesn't think it exactly in those terms, but she is thinking.

I want modesty for my daughters, but I don't want it for them if it means they think their bodies are bad or dirty or irreverant just because they're female.  I want my girls to honour the bodies God has made for them by feeding them well, exercising them for health, and dressing them appropriately - so that they are fit (in all senses of the word) for the things God is calling them to do.

I want this for myself too, and for all women.  Let us offer our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God. This is our spiritual act of worship. (Rom 12:1)  And may we be motivated by love for our loving Creator and a desire to serve and please Him.

music therapy

if you ask me, music can make everything in life better.... even cooking supper!

as i've said before, when i clean the house, my playlist includes a lot of this guy:

his energetic songs get my hands and feet going while my heart engages in powerful lyrics of Truth.  soon the house is clean and i didn't even notice myself doing it!

when i cook, i like to listen to these two:

their music is folk-sy and "chill." they remind me, somehow, of a simpler time, of fields of wheat blowing, and sun shining through windows.  as i slice and dice, cook and boil, the moderate pace of the music transports me and i find myself delighting in the process, enjoying the feel of my bamboo spoon,  deeply inhaling spices combined into family favourites.

preparing the most standard dinner fare feels somehow ...better.  i can go to a place where little piles of neatly chopped peppers are beautiful.

scripture says "whatever is lovely...think about such things," and this is part of the way i do it.  i intentionally look for ways to make the daily mundane tasks more enjoyable for myself.  (it's the same reason why i like pretty tea towels and store pantry staples in glass jars.)

music helps with that.  

filling my mind with Truth helps with that.  

looking for good - naming the blessings - helps with that.

funny thing, as i happily stirred pasta into sauce, my eldest daughter came up from cleaning her bathroom and declared "gangum style" to be the best song on her cleaning playlist.

...and there goes another unusual trait passed down from mother to daughter!

how are you looking for the lovely today?

confession

Confession, they say, is good for the soul.

It's also been said that confession is a lost practice of the contemporary evangelical church.

Accountability is a very good thing, most necessary for life and growth, but openly confessing your sin to a trusted friend is tricky. What will they think? Will they look at me differently from now on? Will they tell someone (of course as a "prayer request")? Will they reciprocate?

And potentially the worst outcome (in my opinion) of confessing to a friend: they excuse your behaviour for you, they say you're still ok, you're still good, and you walk away feeling much better, never confessing to the only One you should.

David prayed, "Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight." (ps 51:4)

I want to be the kind of Christ-follower that keeps short accounts. Jesus waits for us to admit our wrong not because He doesn't know how, where, when and why we fall short. When David prayed for God to "search him" it was to show him, David, the areas in heart that required forgiveness.

Confession is for our sake.
Confession is a vital part of our everyday worship.
It puts us in our rightful place, sinners saved by grace alone. It reminds us Who is in control and of our need to submit to Him. Imagine being like the Israelites who spent a quarter of the day reading the Word and a quarter of the day in confession and worship! (Nehemiah 9:3)
If you had the time, could you do that?

That kind of time could be considered a luxury in our day, but what about a few moments? In Nehemiah 9, they recited back to the Lord their own story - one of God's goodness and faithfulness and their own wickedness and betrayal.  It doesn't take a great imagination for me to be able tell the Lord my story, though I know He remembers many more details than I ever could!

As I recall His faithfulness and my heart prone to wander, I confess, and I feel my heart line up with His will.  I ready myself for what He has for me this day.

Confession, we know, is good for the soul. (1 John 1:9)
It enables us to worship the Lord in spirit and in truth.

If you have a moment now, here's a song to lead you.
It's been leading me, and I praise God for this reminder!

stand

There are moments in my life that I've had such a distinct image pop into my mind, that I've had to know it was the Lord.  It doesn't happen all the time, or even often, but once it's there it won't go away and I'm brought to my knees in worship.

I can't tell you how powerful that is for me - or maybe you know? - because I don't feel like worshipping every day.  I know every day has a reason to praise, but my human-ness keeps from seeing, or even trying to see....

This time the image came with the lyrics of a song right after I heard of the passing of a very dear man.  I thought of his wife, his kids and grandkids.  I thought of the many people in our church (including me!) who would mourn his loss even as they praised God for his well-lived life.  I stood at my kitchen sink looking out at my bird-feeder, coffee in hand, as you'll often find me...

"You stood before creation
 Eternity in Your hands
 You spoke the earth into motion
 My soul now to stand"

I saw Jesus, hands stretched before Him, holding the earth, delighting in this thing He had made.  I saw His eyes wet with tears as He peeked into each life, each hurt, every broken heart.

"You stood before my failure
 And carried the cross for my shame
 My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
 My soul now to stand"

I could almost feel His heart beating with the longing to be our answer.  "If they knew.....if only they knew..."
The image created a feeling that almost hurt.  Lord, You know that I know.  You know that I'm Yours!

"So what can I say?
 What can I do?
 But offer this heart, O God
 Completely to You"

In this broken world, where loved ones leave too soon.... where people hurt people....  where I live with my own inability to stop failing...  all I can do -ALL I can do- is offer my heart to the One who made me, delights in me, has a plan for me - who stood in my place just so I could walk with Him.

"So I'll stand
 With arms high and heart abandoned
 In awe of the One who gave it all
 I'll STAND
 My soul, Lord, to You surrendered
 All I am is Yours."

Under the weight of my world, I can stand because He stood under the weight of the whole world.  He carried the burden to the cross, took it all - gave it all - and rose to life to give me the freedom to live.

worship Him - only Him.

  The LORD is exalted, for he dwells on high; 

   he will fill Zion with his justice and righteousness. 

 He will be the sure foundation for your times, 

   a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; 

   the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure. 

isaiah 33:5-6

hands

It's 'taco tuesday' at the Hall home!  As I considered what we would need to make a fabulous fiesta, I suddenly realized I didn't have enough soft shells to satisfy my troops.  With a bit of time stretching before me I thought of walking to the grocery store, but only until I remembered I have a recipe for soft tortillas.  It's from my aunt and I've had it for years but never attempted it.

Today is the day!

Simple ingredients dumped into a bowl, followed by butter and water.  As I used my pastry blender to cut the butter in, I wondered if I was doing it right.  The recipe just said to "add" the butter.  I know some people use two knives, and some people use their hands to combine butter into flour....

I kneaded the dough and cut it into pieces.  As I attempted to roll out (not-so-perfect) circles, I looked down at my hands and thought,  Even if I botoxed my face to oblivion, my hands will always give away my age.  I laughed to myself remembering when one of my beloved children said to me, "no offense, mom, but your hands are disturbing."

nice.

I continued to roll as the radio played in the background.  I hummed along with a song I know well, but was struck when it came to chorus.

"I lift my hands to believe again..." (listen here)

Just like the Israelites, gathered to hear from the Word of God:

⁵ Ezra opened the book. All the people could see him because he was standing above them; and as he opened it, the people all stood up. ⁶ Ezra praised the LORD, the great God; and all the people lifted their hands and responded, “Amen! Amen!” Then they bowed down and worshiped the LORD with their faces to the ground. (nehemiah 8:5-6)

As a sign of their belief and in response to the truth they hear, they lift their hands.

Hands.  Just like these "disturbing" hands of mine that often ache from years of piano practice and data entry jobs.  These hands that wipe noses, rub backs, brush hair and touch foreheads to check for fever.  These hands that fix lunches, hang pictures, fold laundry and scrub toilets.  These hands that create and conduct and make music.

My hands are one of the most active parts of my body and so it seems fitting that they would take action in my personal worship.  I lift my hands to believe, to respond, to agree - Amen! Amen!

¹ You, God, are my God, 

   earnestly I seek you; 

I thirst for you, 

   my whole being longs for you, 

in a dry and parched land 

   where there is no water...

⁴ I will praise you as long as I live, 

   and in your name I will lift up my hands. 

(ps 63:1,4)

music (again!)

I've been spending quite a few hours playing with my garage band this week.

do you think i mean this?:

don't they look like a fun couple?


 i actually mean this:
 

it's a program on my iMac that is helping put together a very homemade,very rough disc for a special gift for a special someone
(who doesn't read this blog...in case you think it's YOU!).

i barely know how to use the program, but it's been pretty fun experimenting.  the kids and i laughed our heads off at recording our voices and then altering them to sound like we just sucked in helium.

but the real blessing of doing this has been playing and singing worship songs over and over and over again, in an attempt to get a reasonable recording.

this time of year that's so marked with frantic rushing...
the unfortunate tendency to replay and overthink conversations...
the burden of feelings recovering from being hurt...

all of these things are pushed away,
at least for a while,
as worship overtakes my heart.

i write quite a bit about music and it's power.
i think a lot about why and how,
but mostly i'm just thankful.

i know music doesn't have the same affect on everyone,
but for me,
it's transforming.
it expresses the things my heart doesn't even fully understand
and heals in ways i can't explain.

thank you, Jesus.

Rise up, O Lord, in all your power.
      With music and singing we celebrate your mighty acts.ps 21:13

(and now back to work, or this gift will be for next Christmas!) 

harmony

I don't spend too much time thinking about classical music these days.  The contemporary worship that is part of my daily life and ministry doesn't directly have much to do with Beethoven, Shumann or Liszt, and so the things I studied and practiced for the first twelve years of my music 'career' don't often come to mind.

But today as I was reading in Romans 14, it occurred to me that the Kingdom of God is like a Three-Part Invention by J.S. Bach.

Paul goes on at great length about the danger of criticism; the danger of thinking you have all the answers, spiritually, and other people need to just "get with the program."  He warns against flaunting your freedom or looking down on others because they do things differently.  He suggests withholding your rights for the benefit of the believer next to you who might be confused by your actions.  "If you serve Christ with this attitude, you will please God." (v18)

Two- and Three-Part Inventions are tricky to play. (Truth-be-told, I could never play a Three-Part Invention well!)  These types of pieces were composed more as an exercise than for their melodic sound, because it requires the pianist to give opportunity to 3 separate voices, working together, flowing in and through and around each other.  A Two Part Invention works a little easier, because the two parts come from your two hands, though it takes practice to have them work so independently of each other.  For 3 parts, each hand has their own part and then on top of that, they share the work of the third part.  The musician who can play this well (that would not be me), can give a strong voice to each part when it is their turn to play the lead while the other parts take a back seat, but are still supporting.

"So then let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up." (v19)

The disciplined disciple is sensitive to the needs and feelings of others and desires to see them flourish in their walk with the Lord.  It means not pushing our own ideas, insisting that our way is the only way.  It means extending grace to others and being willing to learn from others (for perhaps, they are also extending grace to you!).  The individual's relationship with the Lord is very personal - which is why we hold such deep convictions about the things the Lord has revealed to us; which is why it is hard to understand where someone else is coming from.  

When I was a teen figuring out my faith, I honestly believed that if every Christian (true Christ follower) just really prayed and sought God's will, we would all come to the same conclusion and the Church would be universally unified.  Scripture is clear that this will not be the case in the Kingdom of now-and-not-yet.  "Who are you to condemn God's servants? They are responsible to the Lord, so let him tell them whether they are right or wrong. The Lord's power will help them do as they should."  (v4)

Part of being in the Church on this earth requires the skill and practice that it takes to play Three-Part Invention: knowing when to step forward and when to make room for others to step forward, and in doing so, we can "join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God." (15:6)

"So accept each other just as Christ has accepted you;

then God will be glorified."

(15:7)

sacrifice

I finally sat down this afternoon to catch up on the past couple of days on my blog list.  I have love/hate feelings about the fact that this list is growing....so much ~good~ to read, so little time!

I was well aware of the fact that today was the first day of Lent, but as I dove into some of my favorite blogs, I found that the way other people described it and how they felt about it brought me to tears.  (I am also well aware of the fact that I've been quite "tender" emotionally, so the tears weren't that surprising...)

If using the period of Lent to sacrifice "something" as a means of refocusing or identifying with Christ is something new to you, Edie has wonderful decriptive post on the concept here.

This quote from Tara at between you & me describes exactly why I've chosen to give something up during Lent for the last several years:

There is a clarity that comes when you sacrifice the things that you run to for comfort.

I'm amazed at the things that I run to that I don't even realize I run to until I'm not running to them during Lent.

Since the very beginning of time we have all been wanderers.
We are the sheep and he is our shepherd.
Sheep are in constant need of being redirected to the right path, and we are just like them.
We can be walking right along, focused & determined not to stray, and then we find ourselves
distracted by some bright and shiny object off in the distance.

Christine at coffeeanddaisies added this beautiful verse as she reflected on Ash Wednesday:

"Come back to the Lord with all your heart; 

leave the past in ashes, 

and turn to God with tears and fasting, 

for he is slow to anger and ready to forgive. " 

(Joel 2:13)

Reading Lysa Tykerst's book "Made to Crave" has caused me to think a lot about sacrifice and what I would be willing to give up for the sake of not everything being beneficial (though everything is permissable). see 1 Corinthians 10:23.  Her blog post today took the words right out of my mouth!

And as I sit and listen to Kari Jobe sing her song "Beloved" (a love song from the Lord to his child) and can't help but wonder, if I really believe this is how the Lord feels about me ~zephaniah 3:17~ what wouldn't I give up for Him?

maybe it was the oranges...

Last night as I was driving to the Prayer Supper, I was thinking about this blog and how long it's been since I've posted and how I have nothing (good) to say and so what's the point...  I was trying to figure out why I seem to have nothing to offer in this place and a word popped into my head:

navel gazing 





I received this cute card years ago from a cousin.
I wish I could remember what it said, but
I think she gave it to me, because this exactly
what I looked like as a child! :)

Maybe it was because I bought some big, beautiful navel oranges at the supermarket that morning, but as this term rolled around in my mind, I thought of how preoccupied I've been with myself; how I've been looking at the world, my circumstances, things and people through my own eyes of discontent.  Who wants to read about that?? 



Part of the reason I took a break from blogging last spring, was because I was beginning to notice a trend toward the negative in my writing.  (Unfortunately, this comes all to easily.)  While I have no desire to try and paint a "my life is so rosy and perfect" picture, I also committed to refraining from what I call "rebellious ranting."  This is where I just tell you all the junk in my life and leave it there.  I don't believe that's what God wants for me to share here or to live in my life.  Yes, there is junk.  Plenty!  But I refuse to dump my troubles off here without any sense of hope... I'm afraid if I started that, I would never ever stop.



So as I reached the half-way point of my drive to the church, I wondered what the opposite of navel gazing would be and immediately one word came to mind:

WORSHIP

Hmm.  Not service?  Not peace?

No, I thought, for only when my eyes are fixed on the Lord can I truly see life and the world, my circumstances and people as He sees them.  Only when I truly understand who He is, what He's done and is doing, will my life have meaning and purpose and value.

I almost wanted to keep driving past Charleswood Road so I could continue thinking and praying about these things, but alas, my van automatically turned into the parking lot where I arrived late to the teaching time of our monthly prayer supper nights.  It was 15 minutes into the Prayer:Remix DVD we had planned to watch, and I settled in quickly to try and figure out what Louie Giglio was going to share about prayer.

Giglio confronted the idea of how we usually pray (Dear Lord, thank you for this day, bless me, my family, the events of the day, forgive my sins, in Jesus' name, amen.) and suggested we start by understanding and acknowledging that we are blessed.  That the blessing promised to Abraham was fulfilled in Jesus and poured out on us, His followers, and that there is no further need to request God's blessing.  He has already given us everything we need!

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ."

Ephesians 1:3

This is worship!  Eyes off of me, and on to Him.



What if we chose to "remix" the way we pray and begin and end by acknowledging all we have and all we are in and through Christ? 

Would I even be able to begin to look for my navel?