Jesus

I broke my promise to myself.  At the beginning of the year, I committed to reading the Bible through in a year, and this time I wasn't going to let myself get more than a week behind.

So far today I've read the scripture passages for April 27 and 28.
sigh.

BUT, I'm reading and I'm thankful for the Holy Spirit whispering to me.  The kids ran out the door for school and my eyes fell on the new issue of Better Homes and Gardens that I picked up yesterday.  I was saving it for today... but I heard the whisper "do not neglect My Word."

Picking up my Daily Devotional Bible, I knew what was coming (and maybe that's why I was putting it off a little): Job.  Not exactly uplifting material. Very real life.

And yet!

I saw something today that I hadn't noticed before.  (If you have, please smile knowingly as I share my "discovery.")

You know the story of Job - super good guy, considered "the finest man in all the earth- a man of complete integrity" by the Lord Himself.  Satan assumes Job is this way because of all the blessing he has received from the Lord, so God allows Satan to take away everything - everything - except Job's life.  Job is obviously very shaken by this turn of events but never curses God...questions, yes, but never curses.

But what I noticed today was a certain longing that Job expressed as he sat with his friends and they tried to counsel and comfort him.  Two times (in the 14 chapters I've read so far!) Job speaks in "if only" terms that seem to point to someone he didn't know - Jesus.

In chapter 9, Job addresses his buddy Bildad, reminding him of how awesome and in control God is.  At the end of the chapter, you can almost see his gaze change from looking into the face of his friend, to looking far off - maybe to the sky - as he wonders aloud:

"If only there were a mediator who could bring us [God and people] together, but there is none." (v33)

Did a scripture just pop into your mind?

"For there is one God and one mediator 

between God and mankind, 

the man Christ Jesus." 

1 Timothy 2:5

Later in chapter 14, Job laments that life is all there is - he assumes there is nothing after the last breath.

"If mortals die, can they live again? This thought would give me hope, and through my struggle I would eagerly wait for release.  You would call and I would answer, and you would yearn for me, your handiwork.  For then you would count my steps, instead of watching for my sins.  My sins would be sealed in a pouch, and you would cover over my iniquity."

He dreams of time where His sins are covered and His relationship with God is clean.  

"We have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place 

by the blood of Jesus...

let us draw near to God with a sincere heart 

and with the full assurance that faith brings, 

having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us 

from a guilty conscience and 

having our bodies washed with pure water." 

Hebrews 10:19-22

He dreams of restoration and newness that we know comes when God fulfills His promise of a new heaven and new earth...all because of the finished work of Jesus.

And I couldn't help but imagine the look on Job's face when he got to heaven, after a life devoted to God in good times and very difficult times.  I picture the Father pointing to His Son, and imagine Job's face as he looked into the eyes of Jesus.  Can you just see the slow recognition, as the bigger picture came into view?  Don't your eyes burn with tears as you envision Job, his own tears streaming down his face as he slowly falls to his knees in worship.  I imagine I can hear his voice whisper through his tears, "thank you. thank you. thank you."  

For he now knows it was Jesus all along.  Jesus was the Hope, the Mediator, the Plan.

Take the whisper with you all day long: thank you.

hope in the mail

A great surprise

(though I did order it...)

on a cold winter afternoon

of catching up on rest and household duties.

 Sevenly.org is the maker of this cozy sweatshirt, and

money from its purchase goes to 

Living Water International

to help provide clean drinking water to places that need it

and share the Good News of Christ-

the true Living Water.

(apparently sweatshirts are my new thing!) 

The warmth of this garment reminds me of the warm love

of my Saviour, and the words written across it

~hope runs deep~

remind me to never give up.

"Yes, my soul, find rest in God;

my hope comes from him."

Psalm 62:5

let every heart prepare

December 1st was our church's annual Women's Christmas Potluck Brunch.  I was asked to provide a musical program, that traditionally has some spoken words throughout.  After searching and searching online for someone else's words that would communicate the things I had been thinking about, I felt the Lord calling me to write my own words.  I sang a song to get us started and my dear friend read the words while I played softly.  Together the group sang familiar words of Christmas carols.  We had a blessed time of worship.  Someone told me afterward that I should put these words "on the internet" for others to use.  
So here they are.


song: Once More (from Travis Cottrell's Christmas album, Ring the Bells)

In the beginning, God.
Before there was time and space and people, God had a plan.
He created the earth, sky and sea, animals of all kinds and then He breathed.
He breathed life into the first person.

From that point on, God watched His people try to be good enough - try to do right and live right.  He watched them fumble through on their own.
They thought they were so smart, some of them.
Others felt so lonely and insignificant.
God loved them all the same.
God so loved His world.

In His perfect timing, God laid out His plan and in His perfect way, God chose a small and seemingly insignificant town to be the landmark that would change eternity.

song: O Little Town of Bethlehem

O come to us.
Abide in us.
Lord, You are God with us - Emmanuel.

God, do You see me?
God, do You hear me?
God, they say You love me.  How can I know?

It's Christmas - a time thick with memories and traditions.
A time to remember You, Jesus.
You came to be with us, to be one of us. To show Your love for us.
There was so much confusion surrounding Your birth and Your life.
Should I shy away from confusion in my own life?

Christmas.  Noel.
Jesus You came.

song: The First Noel

God's Word says:
"See I care about you, and I will pay attention to you."

God's Word says:
"I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you.  I will take out your stoney, stubborn heart and give you a tender and responsive heart."

God's Word says:
"The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still."

The Lord comes in a whisper.
Will I quiet myself to hear it?

song: Silent Night (Emmanuel) ~ Matt Maher

We are here today: we face the dawn of Redeeming grace.
The sun rises and the sun sets - You, O Lord inspire our praise.
The gift of Jesus, the Love poured down: fill our hearts once again.
Refresh our imaginations.
Renew our commitment to live, walk and love through Your grace.

You alone are worthy.
Jesus, precious gift of life for now and eternity.
We bow our hearts, we bow our lives before You.
Only You.

song:  O Come Let Us Adore Him

I'm linking up with Sunday Setlists - even though this was a Saturday - to share this reading and offer it for your use.  Please let me know if you plan on using it!

no greater love

every day i check my email.

i'm sure you do, too.

whether sitting with coffee at my home desktop computer, at the church office with my laptop or on the go with my smart phone - i stay connected as best i can.  i check my email.

many people have talked about the drawbacks of technology.  it's a time drain, or it's impersonal, or whatever.  i say, 'it works for me!'

sure it can be annoying when you open your email account ("you've got mail!") and it's full of ads and spam.  but tucked into the ads, there are stories.  pictures of a far-away friend's new baby.  a note from someone encouraging you.  updates and reminders that you rely upon.  and within those daily emails there are often requests for prayer & proclamations of praise.

today as i sifted through the junk mail (on one of those good days where my coffee is near by), i came across more of the same, but there was something that stood out as different.  prayer chain requests for healing and hope sandwiched around an ad from a website i like to frequent.  the subject line said:

"no greater love than Jesus"

it linked me through to dayspring.com (LOVE dayspring!) where they were previewing a new line of Christmas product, but that subject line stood out to me as though it were a bigger, bolder font than all the rest...

"no greater love than Jesus"

so many people hurting and broken and needing answers to their deepest needs.  walking through deep waters of confusion, grief, and disappointment.  asking for prayer and asking for hope....

"no greater love than Jesus"

even for me - as i struggle through a trial i didn't expect or ask for, wishing it would just go away...

"no greater love than Jesus"

i was reminded by a friend speaking at a women's retreat i went to this past weekend, that everything we need and hope for was already met in this:

"God demonstrates his own love for us in this: 

While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Romans 5:8

~God do you see me? Do you see what's happening down here?

"God demonstrates his own love for us in this: 

While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

~God can you hear me? Are my prayers stopping at the ceiling?  

"God demonstrates his own love for us in this: 

While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

~God do you love me?  Do you care?

"God demonstrates his own love for us in this: 

While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Christ died and rose again.  There is hope.  God loved me even before i loved Him.  There is peace.

There is no greater love than Jesus.

He is everything we need.

(so technology can't be all bad, am i right?)

won't give up

part of what my husband and i do in ministry is offer pre-marriage counseling.   we really enjoy getting together with (usually) young couples with stars in their eyes and so much hope...

we always say how good it is for our own marriage to go through the basics over and over again.  we do the sessions in our home around food and hot coffee, and we've always told our kids that they are part of the ministry with us.  their job is mostly to stay downstairs playing wii (not fighting) and to pray for our friends that come.  it's so sweet to hear their voices lift up these couples as they "remind" God that so&so are getting married...

this spring we've had 4 couples lined up (and one more come fall), so it's been quite busy!  we try very hard to have fun with them, build a (hopefully lasting) relationship with them but also be very honest.

  "without the Lord at the centre of their life, I don't know how people make it," we tell them.

  "there will come a time where being a good person is not enough motivation to do the right thing, where wanting to please your partner won't matter enough to treat them well.  only Jesus will carry you through. without Him, you will give up."

my cousin (in law?) posted a video on her shop's blog of a very young duo doing a very cool rendition of "call your girlfriend."  i had to hear more of them!  in my searching, i found this version of "i won't give up" by jason mraz.  something about these sweet 12 and 8 yr old voices.....

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up

if "looking up" means looking to Jesus for His grace, forgiveness and acceptence.....

if it means seeking Him for completeness and restoration.....

if not giving up means not giving in to the lies of devil...

it'll all be ok.

you won't give up.

you will go the distance.

wakey-wakey

I never cease to be amazed at how the Lord works.

I started a new Bible Study with the women from my church this morning.  It's been over a year since I've been in group Bible study, and I'm already glad that I was lead to this one.  It's a study on James by Beth Moore and even though we've only just watched the intro dvd, I know God has things to teach me. 

(Likely, by the time I finish the study, you may feel like you've also done it - I can't help but talk about the things I'm learning...)

Today, I'm marvelling how the Lord has worked together the final point Beth made on the video today with the main point Louie Giglio made in his openning talk at Passion 2012. (I wonder if Beth noticed it, since she was there too?)

Louie made reference to Ephesians 5:14, where it says:

"Wake up, O sleeper,

rise from the dead 

and Christ will shine on you."

Beth didn't mention this verse but the last point of the listening guide was this:

"The power of the resurrection means that nothing 

but the tomb is meant to be empty."

Let that sink in for a moment.  

Nothing but the tomb is meant to be empty.

 A friend at the study reflected on this by saying that it's the things we hate about ourselves that make the empty place, that make room for us to be filled with God's grace.  If we were full on our own, we wouldn't need Jesus.

Immediately, Matt Maher's song "Christ is Risen" came to mind, which led me to think of the verse in Ephesians.  

Wake up, Becky!  

Let Christ fill the empty places in your heart!

He has risen and by His power, I can be resurrected with Him.

Come awake!

And I am left to ponder the words of Philippians again:

"I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection"

(3:10a)

not just for easter

We showed this video at church on Easter Sunday and then sang the song...I read around blog land at the time that many others had the same special experience that morning. 

But as my husband showed it to a group of teens at camp this week I was reminded again that this message isn't just for Easter, it is my life breath each day.  "The resurrection is the sermon I need to preach to myself every day," my friend shared one morning.

"I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection..." Phil 3:10a

"And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, then He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of His Spirit who lives in you." Rom 8:11

As a follower of Christ, I long for the victory that having "fellowship in his suffering" brings! I want to rise each morning, renewed and refreshed - AWAKE - to what God has for me, and ready to receive His power to accomplish it.

Because I am His and He is mine.

looking back II

Relaxing on Good Friday afternoon, morning brunch and service finished and cleaned up, I'm looking back again to my response to this day last year...

I was hoping to find a youtube video for the song lyrics for at the end of that post...too bad, no video to be found!  (well worth the 99cents on itunes, though)



Remember Jesus

the Author and Perfector of our faith...

and don't forget: Sunday's coming!

looking back-thankful on a Thursday

I'm not gifted with a really great memory.

I would say quite the opposite.....

That's one reason I enjoy having journals and this blog - to be able to look back and remember what God has done in my life and the lives of those around me.

So today I'm looking back at my response to Maundy Thursday last year and praying for a fresh view of who God is and what He's doing in me and the world.

And I'm thankful (this Thursday!) that I have this record to aide my memory!

turning

Yesterday we spent the afternoon at our youngest daughter's first ever gymnastics display.  How excited this girl was to perform with her group and show us what she had learned in the last ten weeks!  You see, each week she longed to have us stay and watch the sessions for the whole hour, but we were asked to please stay outside the gym while the girls practiced.  This made sense, I thought, knowing how easily young ladies (especially mine!) can be distracted!

As we drove to the new location where the program was to be held, she went on and on, chattering away about all we would do and see. She seemed particularly pleased to think that I could stay and watch them warm up and rehearse - to get a preview of the big show!

When we got there and checked in, the instructor instructed me that I was to show my sweet child where I was putting her things and then go until the doors opened for seats in the main gym....in 2 hours.  My mother's heart ached for my daughter as I watched the disappointment cross her face. 

I crouched down in front of her.  "Is this ok, sweetie?  Is it ok if mommy goes?"

She turned her face from mine, not willing to make eye contact, as she visibly gathered up her courage and in a forced-cheery voice replied, "it's ok!"

~*~

How deep the Father's love for us
 how vast beyond all measure

that He should give His only Son 
to make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss
  the Father turns His face away

As wounds which mar the Chosen One 
bring many sons to glory

~*~

I wonder if the Father had to turn His face away, to keep from looking into the eyes of His Son.  I wonder if He gathered up His courage and whispered, "it'll be ok" - even as He knew it would - just to make it through the crucifixion of His only child....

to make this wretch His treasure.

shh...

 The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.”
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD,
but the LORD was not in the wind.
After the wind there was an earthquake,
but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 
After the earthquake came a fire,
but the LORD was not in the fire.
And after the fire came
a gentle whisper. 
When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face.

1 Kings 19:11-13

This passage has been on my mind for the last few days.  I've been thinking about the Season... and Jesus... and His coming... and what people expected it to be...and how differently it all turned out.

expectations.

I've been thinking about how nice it would sometimes be to hear God's voice speak into my life like a powerful wind, an earthquake or a fire...but how it comes in a whisper.

soft.  still.

I've been thinking that it would be great if my shopping were finished and there were no parties to attend - do I sound like Scrooge now?  ...Just imagine if you had to intentionally carve out time to go to this-and-that festivity because you were so busy being still, listening for the voice of the LORD....

quiet and waiting.

And when the Voice comes, you cover your face because it is too much to bear and He tells you the way to go... and He tells you're growing and changing just like He hoped you'd be... and He tells you that He loves you...

then and now and always.

And then you've had Christmas - and it was the best one ever.



full

I've been sick now for several days, and so it seems like my head is a little fuzzy....or maybe it's that I feel a little stuck inside my head.  The stuffiness of a head cold makes it seem like I can't hear, the sore throat makes it feel like I can't speak.  Even when I'm communicating with others it still feels like it's some sort of out-of-body thing - like listening to two people have a conversation through a tunnel.

I think this is why my thoughts seem so loud.

I don't like to be the devil-behind-every-corner kind of girl, but I beginning to wonder if the devil isn't using the volume of my thoughts to bring me down.  I keep thinking about how half-empty my glass is.

I can't seem to let things go....

my parenting failures (or worse, his parenting failures)

my disappointments

my imperfections

my house that is in complete disarray (and exactly how does that happen after being under the weather for just a couple of days??)

the ways I want to be better

the things I'd like to change

the feeling that I'm not capable of change at all, so why bother?

wow, that's really alot for a girl with a cold!  could it be the fever talking?

What do you do when you come to this place?
Do you have tips and tricks to be released from an sicky-induced funk?

The only thing I can think of is to go to the Word of God.  It is true. It never changes.

"For this is what the high and lofty One says - he who lives forever, whose names is holy:  

'I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, 

to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.'" Isaiah 57:15

"I will sing of the LORD's great love forever; 

with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations. 

 I will declare that your love stands firm forever,

 that you established your faithfulness in heaven itself....

O LORD God Almighty, who is like you?  

You are mighty, O LORD, and your faithfulness surrounds you....

Your arm is endued with power; 

your hand is strong, 

your right hand exalted....

Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, 

who walk in the light of your presence, O LORD.  

They rejoice in your name all day long; they exult in your righteousness. 

 For you are their glory and strength."  Psalm 89:1-2, 8, 13, 15-17

God's Word is Truth!  Be my strength, O Lord...give me Your songs to sing...Your love and faithfulness never end and never fail....You are mine and I am Yours.


"On hearing this, Jesus said, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.'"  Matthew 9:12

reflecting on Easter morning

He is Risen!

He is Risen indeed!

Does this make a difference in my life?   It sure should.  The Bible says there is

"incomparably great power for us who believe.

That power is like the working of His mighty strength

which He exerted in Christ when

He raised Him from the dead."

(Eph. 1:19-20)

The same power that raised Christ from the dead is the source by which I can conquer the sin in my life!

Oh, I need it!

I want it to be evident in my life that my faith works.  I want people to see it from near or far, and I hope they'll want the same kind of faith in their own lives.

This song is on my daughter's ipod.  My hope is that the truth of these great Hillsong lyrics (based on scripture) will flood her heart and soul and help her to realize the opportunity she (and we all) have to access God's great power!

Be blessed, live in belief.

reflecting on Good Friday

I think my husband is a great preacher.  I know this is true because when he's at the pulpit (or in our case, music stand), the things he says no longer come from the mouth of the man who forgets to take out the garbage or waits too long to cut the grass.  I hear the words of the Lord - the words that have the power to make a difference in my life.


But great preachers aren't always born that way!  I remember with distinct clarity one of my husband's first messages at a small country church.  He had been attending seminary for about a year and chose to speak on "the Hypostatic Union of Christ."


say wha-??


He proceeded to READ an essay he'd written on how Jesus was fully God and fully man during his time on earth.  I'm not sure what was more memorable: the glazed expressions of the congregation or the fact that my sweet hubby sweated through to the outside of the cuffs on his dress shirt!


A learning experience, indeed, but it came to my mind this Good Friday as I considered what it meant for Jesus to be both God and human as He instituted the Lord's supper.

1 Corinthians 11 
²³For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, ²⁴and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, "This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me." ²⁵In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me." ²⁶For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes.

As I read these familiar words, I suddenly could see Jesus around the table, talking with His friends.   He reaches for some bread and explains why they should see this bread as different from any other they've eaten.  "This is my body, broken for you."  He passes it to the man beside him who breaks off a piece and begins to slowly chew it, contemplating what the Lord has just said.

And as Jesus sees His friends each take a turn breaking off some of this bread, He shudders.  He is God - He knows what's coming.  He is man - He wishes to not know such pain.

I think that I've diminished God at times around the communion table.  Like somehow, because He was God and could see the big picture, He could look beyond the pain He knew was coming.  

Have I thought Gethsemane was just for show?

When we read:

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." (Luke 22:42)

we read it in one breath - as though He wasn't really asking for a way out.     

But He was fully human.  Of course He wanted a way out.  I would be looking for the nearest exit!  

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin." (Hebrews 4:15) 

Fear is not a sin.  Anxiety is not a sin.  Struggling to surrender is not a sin.

Jesus understands.

For me the most meaningful part of our Good Friday service was my dear friend singing a song written by Greg Sczebel called "Perhaps."

Take time to savour the lyrics and know that our Saviour understands and has been with us all along.

do you think that I'd forget
the kiss of death that was left on my face?
do you think I did not hear the people mock
the soliders sneer on that day?
do you think that I don't cry
when The Very World For Which I Died

just Tries To Wipe My Name From History?

child, It Reminds Me Of Gethsemane

do You Think That I'm Immune

to The Pain You Put Me Through

when You Close Your Heart And Walk Away

and Disregard The Price I Paid?

do You Think That I Didn't Cry All Day?

you See You're Not The Only One

who Understands Where You're Coming From

i've Been There All Along

reflecting on Maundy Thursday

March is always a busy month for me, and this year was the same!  I have much to do in the ministry, particularly leading up to Holy Week.  The downside of this is that I don't have alot of time to really reflect on each of the special services we have at our church.  Over the past few days, I've been thinking alot about what happened Easter weekend.  This year, the Lord used my imagination to see things in a new way and I want to spend the next couple of posts reflecting on it all.  I hope it's not too 'been there, done that' for you!

The first time I participated in a Maundy Thursday service was in 2006.  At our small church in Durham, we held a foot washing service that was to celebrate and recall Jesus washing the feet of His disciples right before He was arrested and led to the cross.  I was nervous!  Should I get a pedicure?  Who exactly will be touching my feet?  ick.

It turned out to be a very beautifully intimate time as the pastor invited people to come up in pairs (of our own choosing!)  and wash each other's feet.  I watched as an elderly man came with his adult daughter....a woman, full-bloom with baby #3 came with her husband.....our worship leader came with his soon-to-be-married daughter....  My husband and I went together and I was surprised how humbling it was to have him wash my feet - I don't usually have trouble letting him serve me! ;)

At our current church, we do it a little differently.  We wash each other's feet around the circle, women washing women and men washing men.  This year the senior pastor's wife washed my feet and while it certainly felt a little awkward for me, she graciously poured the warm water over my feet and dried them with a clean, white towel.  As she knelt down in front of me, she looked up and smiled.

And suddenly, I had a clear image of my Saviour, looking up and smiling at me.  My eyes filled with tears as I realized how far I fall short of such tender love.  I thought of Jesus, His own mind whirling with what was to come and yet taking the time to serve me.

How many times have I considered service a burden?

How many time have I told my kids, 'I'm not your slave!'

How many times have I *sighed* either inwardly or outwardly, as I've been forced to put aside my own desires for the needs of someone else.

Mark 10 tells the story of Jesus encoutering a rich young man.  The man wanted the eternal life God was offering, yet struggled with claiming it.  Jesus knew the man's heart, and could see what was blocking him from really making a change in his life.  He didn't *sigh* frustrated to have to explain it all again, He didn't tell the man to go ask someone else, or ask again later...

"Jesus looked at him and loved him."

Mark 10:21

Jesus knows my limitations and He also knows my heart.  He looks at me and loves me.  He patiently leads me toward Himself, guiding me and lovingly correcting my wrong thinking.  His plans for the world are so big, and yet He cares about my journey, my little problems!

Jesus looked up at me and smiled, as He tenderly poured warm water over my feet and dried them with a clean white towel.  Better than a pedicure at the finest spa! 

struggling with struggle

We have our three kids in regular swim lessons throughout the school year for one reason: so they can safely have fun in the water when we spend a few weeks at the lake in the summer.  It's not easy on cold winter nights to convince them that lessons are a good idea, that it's 'worth it' to get wet before returning to -25°C weather....

So we remind them, "Summer's coming, and you need these skills to safely have fun at the lake!"

My youngest has been in lessons for the shortest period of time but has done so well that this week she was moved up to the next level.  She no longer would be in the "little" pool, but would begin to learn real swimming skills in the big pool!  She was a little nervous, but the instructors thought she was ready, so we encouraged her to give it a try.  By the time we arrived for the lesson she was ready!

I had brought a book, thinking I would get caught up some reading during the lesson, but I couldn't take my eyes off my child.  The pool was deep, and she clung to the side.  She clung to the teacher at she tried kicking with the flutter board and floating on her back and front.  My exuberant, smiliest  child had a hard frown of concentration.  It was the first time I'd ever seen her look stressed.  I moved from sitting on the bench to pressing my nose against the glass wall separating us.  She saw me and gave me a solemn wave.  She was struggling.  I was struggling.  Everything in me wanted to go in there and pull her out of that pool.

At the end of the lesson I waited pool-side as she jumped happily into the water over, and over.  And while I dried her hair I quizzed her about her feelings during the lessons.  "Was it too hard?"  "Was the water too cold?"  "Did you have fun?"  My 4 year old reassured me that it was fun, it was cold a first but then got warm, and she liked learning to swim.  She bragged that she had been in all the parts of the pool that her big sister and brother go every week!

Of course, this mommy didn't recover quite so quickly!

And as I reflected on how my heart broke watching her struggle, I thought of my Heavenly Father and what it might be like for Him to watch His children struggle.  I wondered if there's a part of Him that would like to swoop down and rescue us as we walk through the valley.  I imagined the tears in His eyes as He notices the look of hard determination in our eyes - we will not give up this time.  And then I could see His smile when we've come to the other side, so pleased with ourselves; the work was worth it!

And we've grown!  We are new and different.

We were never promised an easy life.  But with the Lord as our focus, we can do the difficult and even accomplish what we thought was impossible!

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith,

 who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat

 down at the right hand of the throne of God. 

Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, 

so that

you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Hebrews 12:2-3

Jesus suffered on the cross SO THAT we will not grow weary and lose heart.

Strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow....

lent

They say if you really want to know if you love something too much, try to live without it.  

Well, apparently I have discovered how much I really love my tv.


how sad.


I suspected it was the case, which is why I gave it up for Lent.  


I contemplated whether I was even willing to talk about this because I find it kind of embarassing.  TV? Really?  Plus, I'm a little afraid that by admitting I have given up tv, people will think I must watch it all day, every day.  Let me assure you, that is simply not so!  I have my shows, yes.  And I would tend to end my day with a little dose of tmz (did I seriously just admit that?).  Oh, and occasionally I'd flip to Ellen in the morning if I were really tired....


yikes, it's adding up!


Regardless, it's been almost a full week since Lent began last Wednesday and I'm ashamed to say it's been so hard!  G jokes that it's like I turned my back on a friend and now she's turned her back on me.


I'm so restless.


I'm SO bored.


I sit in front of the computer and I'm bored.  I read a book and I'm bored.


I don't even feel like shopping!  


I've been going to bed at 9pm because I'm too tired (or lazy, or lethargic) to do anything productive and too bored to just SIT there.


BUT, the point of giving something up at Lent isn't to fill that time or energy with just anything (don't think I didn't consider how many of my shows are available for watching online!).  The point is to use that time to reflect on the sacrifice Jesus made by giving up His home in heaven and coming to earth to be my Saviour!  The point is to identify with Him in some small way, and watch to see how He fills in the empty spaces.

"Open wide your mouth and I will fill it."

Psalm 81:10b

When I give the Lord my extra time, He MULTIPLIES it!  I didn't spend hours on end watching tv each day, and yet without it I'm able to:

Spend more time on my Bible Study homework, 

really letting it take root in my life instead of rushing to just get it done!

Listen to all those Focus on the Family Podcasts I've been

downloading for months.  What do you know, I'm actually LEARNING a thing or two!

Bake blueberry muffins and raisin bread with a very pleased 4 year old.

I felted old wool sweaters to make these sweet brooches I saw online.

(I know, that's just going too far...)

I even have time to not only think about but also PREPARE for some 

speaking-type things I have coming up.

I've been waking up rested - and haven't slept through morning devos with G once!

My fridge is clean and I think I may even get to the pile of ironing!

Heck, I might even EXERCISE!

I'm accountable now, and that's a little scary, but I'm just taking it a day at a time.  I want to offer the best of my days to the Lord, not the scraps!  Until the lenten season is over, I will persevere :)  but I'm also praying that this will enable me to use more wisdom and discernment in the future!

did YOU give anything up? (and has it been as hard for you as it has been for me?)

prepare

A week or so ago, I was chatting with a friend who expressed that she missed Lent.  I knew what she meant.  She was saying that she longed for a 'good reason' to give something up.  A strong motivation to exercise a deeper level of displine.  I knew what she meant because I have been feeling the same way.

The Advent season officially began yesterday, and I've been reading SO much about it.  Mostly because I'm always looking for ideas that will add to and enhance the worship experience at our church, but partly because I long for this year to be different.

I long for more meaning - or I should say, more recognition of The Meaning - this Christmas.

In my travels on the world wide web, most of what I come across is the type of thing I would expect, or have seen before.  But today I learned something new!  Have you ever heard of Nativity Fast?  It was mentioned in passing in an artcile I read and it so intrigued me that I looked further for more info.

wow.

If you read down in the wikipedia definitions, you'll see the rules of it our quite strict!  But here's a quote regarding the Nativity Fast that caused me to stop:

For most of us, we are anxious to get to the feast — we want the days to rush by. Our preparation usually consists of shopping and decorating, not to speak of the endless parties that we are invited to attend. Here is where the notion of waiting comes into play. We must discipline ourselves through self control and patience. We are to read the Scriptures, specifically the prophecies that speak of the coming of the Messiah. We are to turn our focus to a Godly way of life that calls for sacrificing and almsgiving (acts of mercy). Antiochian.org/1294

What can I do for the next 25 days that will enable me to be ready - in my heart and soul?  How can I practice this notion of waiting, of discipline? 

What will the Lord call me to give up in order to have the time, which seems to be in such shortage?

"Arise, shine, for your light has come,

and the glory of the LORD rises upon you...

You will look and be radiant,

your heart will throb and swell with joy...

The sun will no more be your light by day,

nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you,

for the LORD will be your everlasting light,

and your God will be your glory!"

Isaiah 60:1, 5a, & 19

into the world

Mark 16:15

[Jesus] said to them,

"Go into all the world

and preach the good news to all creation."

Maybe I shouldn't admit this, but I often have a hard time going into the world. Truth be told, it's not like I've got my Bible in one hand and gospel tracts in another, hoping to convert the lost. I'm just going about my daily life when the world seems to be coming to me, rather than choosing for myself to head out.

I talk about how I'd like to open up the world of my children, so they're not completely oblivious to the kind of reality that face so many people even in our smallish city. Gavin and I have talked and prayed about doing missions with the kids and we've taken them down to Winnipeg Harvest, to encourage a philanthropic mindset.

Here's the problem: it is often very difficult for me.

Last spring, Cassidy and I took the city bus home from a field trip downtown for her preschool. [Let me spell it out a little more clearly so you can fully appreciate the irony. Cassidy's Montessori program took a trip to the Winnipeg Art Gallery and when I picked her up (after a lovely break at Starbucks) we took the bus home. ] On that very short bus ride, a young woman got on and sat directly across from us with what seemed to be 4 foster children. These kids were probably about 2, 5, 8 and 9 years old and the girl with them seemed to be in her early 20's. She talked alot and very loudly, so we got a pretty clear picture of what life was like for these little kids. It was the girl's mother that was the primary care giver, I guessed, and she didn't seem to be too happy to be toting the charges around. Two of the kids had very obvious 'baby bottle mouth' and the 5 year old was not potty-trained (as the girl loudly announced). The youngest in the stroller stared hard at Cassidy as she munched on organic crackers and drank from her colourful, BPA-free SIGG bottle. I felt a tightness in my chest, and even now as I relive the moment my eyes well up with tears.....

Last week Gavin was looking for some very rare and specific films on DVD that prompted a trip to MovieVillage on Osborne. Cassidy was with us again and had to make a potty-run, so we popped into the Starbucks that is in the same parking lot. Of course, since I was there, I treated myself to a latte and got a smoothie for the sweetie! We sat on a low ledge outside and waited for Gav to finish up. As we sipped, a man in an electric wheelchair came out of the coffee shop and wheeled over to us. I guess he had MS or some other illness that caused him to be unable to walk and slurred his speech. He stopped in front of Cassidy and greeted her, so we said hello and I tried to make some conversation about the weather. After several moments of awkward silence he wished us a good day and rolled on....

Today I had to take the van in for brake repairs and while we had 2 hours to kill, Cassidy and I walked over to Giant Tiger to wander about. Having had 2 big cups of coffee already, I had the pressing urge to visit the rest room, so I asked for it to be opened. I was told someone was in there, so just wait. I waited....and waited.... I was getting a little concerned for myself when the door finally opened. I looked straight into the eyes of a man in our area that is homeless. Oh, how I need more of Jesus in me because my first thought was to forgo using this restroom and run to Tim Hortens's. He held the door open for me and I thanked him. As we closed the door behind us, the overwhelming aroma homelessness caused my stomach to lurch. "Why does it smell so bad in here?" Cassidy questioned.....

Perhaps you wouldn't struggle with these scenarios. Perhaps you would have offered organic crackers to the children on the bus or been better at making conversation with the man at the coffee shop. Maybe you would have had a better answer for the bad smell. I hope I will get to that place. For now I'll settle for still going out, even when I'm tempted to stay home, or stay in places I know are "safe" - I'll be thankful that my heart is moved.

...and I'll pray for opportunity to grow in love and mercy, and to serve in ever-increasing ways.

a work in progress

So yesterday I snuck out for an hour to "run some errands" (which my husband clearly understands as "window shop").

I popped into to FabricLand in a seemingly unending pursuit of material to use for a slipcover for my livingroom sofa. As I browsed the clearance bolts I found the CUTEST fabric for the chair in my rec room that is also in desperate need of a new cover.

The material has little roosters embroidered all over (which won't do a thing for my continuing insistance that I don't collect roosters!) and is trés french country!

I have a million things to do before camp, but I couldn't resist getting started on the cover.

I pinned and sewed...

pinned and sewed...

pinned and - whaaaa??? Oh yeah, I don't actually KNOW how to sew!

I know that will seem falsely humble as you're looking at the picture of my chair, but there are too many times that I get to a place that I have no clue how navigate the next stitches. It's sew frustrating! (bah-hahaha!)

On a separate (yet in my mind, completely related) note, today I attended the first day of sessions for the 2009 Leadership Summit. I wondered how "into" it I could get, considering it was a simul-cast, but was it powerful!

One speaker in particular spoke on Spiritual deadness/transformation based on the story of the Prodigal Son. It wasn't the first time I've heard this type of message, where they look more at the role of the Elder Son, but this time it was like it was just for me! He spoke of how to know if you are "the elder son" (check, check, check....) and why it separates you from the Father (hello, perfectionism, my old friend), and how to combat it! He described how to get to a deeper level of faith through repentance.

Repentance.

Not only for the wrong I do,

But for doing the right thing for the wrong reason.

Do I serve, obey and attempt to discipline my life in order to gain God's favour, thus putting Him into my tidy box and waiting for my "just" reward?

the right thing for the wrong reason.

There were so many other things that spoke into my heart and life that I had to repeatedly remind myself of my new motto-cum-blog title: a little bit more.

baby steps

small changes

bit by bit

Like my slipcover, I too am a work in progress - but thankfully my God knows exactly how to handle the next stitches in my heart; and what it will take to make my life in to what will hopefully one day become a lovely heirloom quilt. A legacy.

"He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6