hop on!

source

Well, a little late to the party (as usual), I've finally decided to jump on the Pinterest bandwagon.

I resisted for quite a while.  I loved looking at friends pictures and got recipes from the links of people I know, but I just wasn't sure it was for me.  I doubted that I would know where to find "cool" pictures of pretty rooms, and craft ideas and wardrobe collages....  I figured anything I would do would just be a copy of someone else's boards and pins.

Those were my classic "self doubt" reasons, but there was another reason I resisted.

I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to handle it.  I think it's pretty common for people to struggle with the whole social media phenom.  Facebook drains times from a day and makes us think that everyone else is living the life I've always wanted...  Blogs (some, not all) can give the perception of perfection - parenting, exercising, cooking, organizing, loving and living with grace and beauty...inside and out... Twitter says everyone has something to say - except me?... Even Instagram can be a stumbling block - how does everyone else seem to take the most elegant photos?...

I was concerned if I started pinning, I'd start pining - haha, see the play on words?  But would it be true?  Would pinning pretty things and crafts and recipes I'll never have or do or make cause the seeds of discontent to be planted and sprout...into a beanstalk worthy of climbing?  At this season of life, can I trust myself to handle this?

And then one day, as I dragged a link to my desktop I noticed that my desktop was full of links that I didn't want to lose or forget.  I also noticed that they didn't display an image, so when I went to look for a specific link, I had to open each one until I found it (oh the humanity).  I realized that I was essentially using my desktop as a pinboard! (maybe this is how the idea was born??)

So with a prayer for strength and moderation, I set up my boards - unique to me and possibly boring to others.  I pulled together everything off my desktop and found some good ideas from friends near and far.  I've tried new recipes and gotten lots of inspiration.  I'm committed to knowing my limits - there are days that I don't click that pretty P if I know I'm tired and possibly feeling want-y, but overall it's been a super organized way of keeping track of things.

What's your favorite thing about Pinterest?

restless

credit

"let all that I am wait quietly for God for my hope is in Him."

Psalm 62:5

strumming patterns

My son has been taking guitar lessons since September, and it's been so cool to watch him gain skills and learn to enjoy playing.  He's using my old guitar (from when I thought I might become a folk singer), and there have been times that I've opened his books and tried out different things he's working on.  It's been good for me because I have never had any guitar lessons, and while I could teach myself chords, there's a lot I've yet to learn!

The biggest revolution in my playing has been the strumming patterns.  I hadn't really given it much thought, but I knew that something wasn't quite right when I strummed along.  A strumming pattern can make all the difference!  who knew?  So as my son has (seemingly) endlessly practiced the pattern: down, down, UP, UP, down-up, clapping the rhythm, saying and strumming along, I've noticed that sequence pop into my conscious thoughts at random.

down, down, UP, UP, down-up, down, down, UP, UP, down-up....

Isn't life just like this strumming pattern?

As much as I try to will myself to be even-keeled, I often find myself going through emotions that reflect that pattern.

disappointment, hurt, SATISFIED, ENCOURAGED, frustrated-optomistic....
down, down, UP, UP, down-up....

I'm starting to realize that my feelings are not who I am.  Through the course of one day, I can feel everything from peace to complete turmoil, from happiness to the depths of despair - and back again.  I long for a steady life, one not at all dictated by what I feel.  A life grounded in Truth and in Christ.

While this strumming pattern makes guitar playing sound interesting, it makes life difficult and often painful.  It can bring about doubt - at least it can for me.  And so I pray, as I often have before:

"may your good spirit lead me on level ground."

psalm 143:10

itchy

We are renters.

(there, i said it.)

We've been renting for all 14 years of our marriage.

our first place was a one bedroom apartment in a 3 story walk up.  it didn't smell great, but it was so fun to 'set up house' together for the very first time.

a year later we moved to a two bedroom apartment in a different 3 story walk up.  the place was recommended to us by our friends (who later became our neighbours!) and we loved this little place.  it had a little brick corner fireplace that we used all the time.  it had a small chef's kitchen with a large pantry and a dining room i painted lilac.  it had a large storage room/closet that we transformed into G's "office" - complete with desk, bookshelves and a large office chair (that he often napped in).  we brought our first baby home to this place.

two years after moving in, we were expecting our second child, so we moved again!  this time it was a two-storey side-by-side with three bedrooms and one AND A HALF bathrooms.  major upgrade! :)  this home had a great fenced backyard and an eat-in kitchen large enough to have a kiddie table in one corner.  we threw down some carpet in half the basement and it became a great playroom for the two little ones.  we lived there for 3 years.

in 2005, we had our third baby and moved again...not because she came along, but because my husband had applied and was accepted to study at Duke University in North Carolina.  this move was a little different.  far - very far - away, into a new country.  we moved into a 3 bedroom, 2 bath townhouse in a lovely neighbourhood a block of the east campus.  the townhouse had large bedrooms and good space.  i tried to overlook the weird "miami vice" glass bricks that were a large (curved) part of our living room wall.  this home was special to us because it was where our family grew very close together, where we learned what it meant to rely on the Lord in a more significant way and where we had many visitors from back home.  a year later, we moved again.

this time we ended up in Mississauga, Ontario.  our rental was the main floor of a semi for the first year until we took over the rent of the basement as well.  this place had nice space, was walking distance to the kids' school and a 3 minute drive to our church.  we were very comfortable there and enjoyed hosting bible studies and small groups and family and friends who came for visits.  we had a separate guest room (and bathroom) and lots and lots of storage.

when we moved back to our home town 2 years later, we moved into a rental house that was a direct gift from God.  it answered little dreams of mine that i'd had for years and had all but stopped hoping for.  it has lots of character and yet has been upgraded in a modern way.  it has a nice sized deck for entertaining, a great old bannister for hanging garland and stockings, and is in a neighbourhood that we love.  our kids never want to leave this home.

i used to feel badly about the fact that we're not homeOWNERS.  like somehow we're not REAL adults.  it has been a lesson in contentment, in trusting in God's timing and provision.  i've been blessed by the nester who writes a blog called content to rent.  i guess we're not the only ones - who knew?

and even though i'm getting a little itchy to move again (we've now lived in this home longer than any other), i know that God's plans are best and i can enjoy what He has for me today even while i dream about the future.

here's a verse the Lord has used in my life over the last 14 years:

 Commit to the LORD whatever you do,
and he will establish your plans.
proverbs 16:3

average

av·er·age

 [av-er-ij, av-rij] 

noun,adjective, verb, -aged, -ag·ing.

        

 noun ~a quantity, rating, or the like that represents or approximates...

adjective ~typical; common; ordinary.

Driving with my husband the other day, he spotted a sign outside a building that said:

"The average man thinks he isn't."

I did not see the sign, but I heard him muttering about it, and asked what the problem was.  He said, "that isn't true. Most people think they're average, even if they're not."

At this, I cocked an eyebrow.

I distinctly remember many years ago, when I came to the realization that I was completely average.  

~average brown hair,

~blue-grey eyes (very common)

~average height and weight

~average shoe size (which is why my size is always gone during a good sale!)

~average intelligence - smart enough, but no Einstein!

~average skills in many areas...actually, I always thought that certain skills of mine balanced out my lack of athletic skills.

I didn't think this was a bad assessment.  I like the fact that I don't stick out too much either way.

Today I read:

"average is in the eye of the beholder."

Well, that's probably true...

God's Word says that I'm "fearfully and wonderfully made" and don't think I'm denying that by clinging to my claim of average-ness.  I think He made me this way, because He knew this is how I'd be most comfortable....and while we all have times where we struggle to be content with what we've got (and have not got), I praise God for each day that I become a little more like Him.

For this is the only thing that could set me apart from the rest of the average world.  I am a believer, "cleaned up by Jesus and set apart for a God-filled life." (1 Corinthians 1:1 MSG)  

Perhaps I'm rising above average after all.

cashmere in may

Waking up Sunday morning to a thick covering of snow was not my idea...

but I hoped it would melt within the day.

Waking up Monday morning to a thinner, but still present covering of snow was not in my plans... 

but I had hope that today would be the day it left us for good.

Pulling out a cashmere sweater on the second day of May was not what I expected...

but I was glad I hadn't put my warmest sweaters into storage yet.

Looking at snow in May is depressing, I have to admit.  It actually is kind of confusing to my brain and emotions -  should I be spring cleaning or Christmas baking??  But it's a resonable metaphor for life - for my life in the last couple of weeks.  Things pop up and disappear. Hopes raised, dashed and raised again. Fuzzy directions turn into clear signs.

This is life.

At least, this is my life - can you relate?

The writer of Lamentations knows this part of life:

"I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is. So I say, "My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the Lord..."

Have you been there?  How do you respond?

"I well remember...yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, 'the Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.' " (Lam 3:17-24)

Cashmere in May was not my plan but it's warmth surrounds me and even better, it reminds me that my God's love and presence in my life is all I need.

choosing

It's been a while since I've posted and I'm not entirely sure what's been stopping me...

ok, as soon as I finished typing that line, I realized that I do know, I'm just not going to talk about it.

Regardless, I need to return The Happiness Project to the friend who let me borrow it but before I do, there are a couple of things I feel compelled to process a little further - and have on "paper" for me to refer back to. 

If you've taken a peek at my "new gadget/widget/whatev" you have seen that I really identified with the author (Gretchen Rubin) of this book, but there was one chapter in particular that actually made me stop reading and think.  This was followed by re-reading, more thinking, reading aloud to my husband and discussing in small chunks for several days (with 3 kids, that's how you discuss just about everything!).

Each of the chapters in this book is a month dedicated to a specific goal - of course, this I love!  In my world goals = gooood! (but more on that in another post).  The November chapter was called: Keep a Contented Heart.  As a Christ-follower, this is not a new concept - who hasn't memorized Philippians 4:11-13 at some point or another?  But one of the things that really struck me as Rubin unfolded what keeping content was going to look like in her life, was how far off the mark I really can be!  I mean, I'm content with my home and possessions, my appearance (most days of the month), my lot in life, my ministry and spiritual gifts - so that's it, right?  Well, look at this....

She breaks down her monthly goals into sub-goals (and of course, this I love!): i) laugh out loud, ii) use good manners, iii) give positive reviews, iv) find an area of refuge.  The first has been something I've been working on for quite a while.  If you have kids, watch their faces when they are able to make you really laugh, with complete abandon - you've never seen such delight!  Choosing to find the fun/funny in things is a gift you give to others.  Here's a quote that will take you right to the point:

found it here

"Responding with laughter meant that I had to give up my pride, my defensiveness, my self-centeredness."

 (page 264)

This is one I had to chew on for quite a while. This doesn't just mean being able to laugh at yourself, though that's part of it.  It means making the choice to let go and just enjoy instead of seeing the down-side of things, or thinking that this world is all about me. 

Yesterday after school, my kids were talking about how they'd spent their indoor recesses, and the younger two were demonstrating their "mad skillz" in dance having played Just Dance 2 on the Wii in the gym.  Please believe me when I say I'm not usually so indulgent, but I actually went out and got the game, just so I could see them dance.  As we broke out some moves (myself included, I'll have you know!) my oldest kept choosing a game and then refusing to dance to it.  This poor sweetie - first born, potential perfectionist - could not let go.  She heard us all laughing together and assuming we were making fun of her.  My heart broke, because I know what that feels like.  It can be so hard to let yourself just be silly for the sake of fun.

As I quoted a while ago (and Rubin quotes often in the book):

It is easy to be heavy; hard to be light

G.K.Chesterson



Do you think it requires giving up pride, defensiveness and self-centeredness to be more fun and laugh out loud?

Do you think making this choice would help you feel more content in life?

I've always thought it was a personality-related thing - that there are just certain types of people that do this naturally and easily.  But is that really the case?

More on that next time....

dun, dun, duuunnnn.....

(cliff hanger music!)

full

I've been sick now for several days, and so it seems like my head is a little fuzzy....or maybe it's that I feel a little stuck inside my head.  The stuffiness of a head cold makes it seem like I can't hear, the sore throat makes it feel like I can't speak.  Even when I'm communicating with others it still feels like it's some sort of out-of-body thing - like listening to two people have a conversation through a tunnel.

I think this is why my thoughts seem so loud.

I don't like to be the devil-behind-every-corner kind of girl, but I beginning to wonder if the devil isn't using the volume of my thoughts to bring me down.  I keep thinking about how half-empty my glass is.

I can't seem to let things go....

my parenting failures (or worse, his parenting failures)

my disappointments

my imperfections

my house that is in complete disarray (and exactly how does that happen after being under the weather for just a couple of days??)

the ways I want to be better

the things I'd like to change

the feeling that I'm not capable of change at all, so why bother?

wow, that's really alot for a girl with a cold!  could it be the fever talking?

What do you do when you come to this place?
Do you have tips and tricks to be released from an sicky-induced funk?

The only thing I can think of is to go to the Word of God.  It is true. It never changes.

"For this is what the high and lofty One says - he who lives forever, whose names is holy:  

'I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, 

to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.'" Isaiah 57:15

"I will sing of the LORD's great love forever; 

with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations. 

 I will declare that your love stands firm forever,

 that you established your faithfulness in heaven itself....

O LORD God Almighty, who is like you?  

You are mighty, O LORD, and your faithfulness surrounds you....

Your arm is endued with power; 

your hand is strong, 

your right hand exalted....

Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, 

who walk in the light of your presence, O LORD.  

They rejoice in your name all day long; they exult in your righteousness. 

 For you are their glory and strength."  Psalm 89:1-2, 8, 13, 15-17

God's Word is Truth!  Be my strength, O Lord...give me Your songs to sing...Your love and faithfulness never end and never fail....You are mine and I am Yours.


"On hearing this, Jesus said, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.'"  Matthew 9:12

building character

I have to share the most amazing website I've recently come across!  First, of course, you must know the backstory....

In the last while, I've been convicted about how and what I'm teaching my kids to live as followers of Jesus.  Two of the three have made professions of faith, but I wondered if I was giving them the right TOOLS for christian living - was I being a strong enough example, was I showing enough of Christ to them.....

I read in the Duggar book about the homeschooling material they use that also introduces the child to character traits of Jesus.  This lead me to (for the first time EVER) wonder about homeschooling - just to get this material!

Not 2 weeks later, this magazine appeared in my mailbox:

did you get it too?

On the inside of the front cover, there's an ad for a brand new website put out by Focus on the Family that was like an answer to my prayers!  CHECK IT OUT - it's an amazing resource for families with lessons, memory verses, fun ideas and charts to help build Christ-like character into the heart of a family!  It begins with a lesson and scripture study for mom and dad, so even those of us who don't 'have it all together' can learn with our children.  I was so thrilled and excited by this website that I emailed FOTF to tell them so.  I was even MORE thrilled when they replied and said they were encouraged by my comments and excited with me!

So the first character trait we downloaded the stuff for was contentment.  We decided that would be the best place to start given that the holiday season is rapidly approaching and the littles have already formulated their LONG lists of 'I want's.  The first night we tried some of it out, we began by asking our eldest to choose the verse that we should memorize as a family - the one she felt best applied to our situation.  Out of the list of 18 verses she chose Hebrews 13:5 (and I was pleased to see it wasn't the first one on the list...she really read them all and chose carefully!):

"Keep your lives free from the love of money and 

be content

with what you have,

because God has said, 'Never will I leave you;

 never will I forsake you.'" 

We took a family trip to Fargo/Minneapolis last weekend and spent some time talking about this verse and encouraging one another to practice and sow seeds of contentment.  It was such a blessed time!

But - and why exactly does there always seem to have to be a but? - today I found myself in the downward spiral of "I wish I had ______like _____" humph!

Praise God, the word "contentment" quickly blazed across my mind!  I'm a visual person, so I google-imaged the word contentement.  What a mish-mash of pictures!  I leafed through the pages of images until it struck me that none of these pictures spoke of contentment to me.  

I decided to look through my own photo albums intead.  The picture that lept out of the book at me was taken about 2 1/2 years ago in one of our favourite family places, Niagara Falls, ON.  This time we were there with my brother and his family (Teresa took this beloved shot!), but we spent many lovely Saturdays there just the 5 us.  Hand-in-hand, spending time together doing something we all loved.  This is when I feel most content.  This is why we took the weekend road trip to Fargo - to be together, with no distractions, no one vying for our attention or for an answer to this or that... This is one of the reasons we've considered missions to a far away place....

On the list of verses from the Kids of Integrity website is one that I think I'll have to put to memory on my own is this:

"A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." Proverbs 14:30

Nothing anyone else has - not even the most lovely or wonderful thing - means more than the gift the Lord has given me of these 4 souls to love and be loved by.

thank you, Lord.