lies

I've just finished week 3 of my homework for "James, Mercy Triumphs" by Beth Moore.  The study has been really good, as have the group discussion times and the dvd talks by Beth.  I must confess, though, that I haven't really felt anything major - am I the only one who comes to a Bible study hoping to have my world rocked?

I hadn't that is, until day 2 of week 3.

How many times have I asked myself "Why?"  Why can't I control my ________?  Why can't I resist ______?  Why do I seem to forget what God has shown me in His Word?  Why do I continue to fail in the same areas? Why isn't this working for me?

(that's so many 'whys' now, that it doesn't even look like a real word when I type it....)

Day 2 of week 3 answered my question, and asked me to draw a picture.

James 1:23-24 - 

"Anyone who listens to the word and does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror, and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like."

Is this really true of me?

Beth somehow - by God's grace - spoke just to me when she wrote:

"We can underline our Bibles till our pens run dry without a drop of ink splattering our lives.  The self-deception slithers in when we mistake appreciation for application or being touched with being changed." (p78)

My Bible is full of underlining - particularly for my areas of struggle.  Anything related to these things is underlined, highlighted, and sometimes starred!  Any yet, I'm not experiencing the victory I thought I would, or could.

self-deception.

How am I lying to myself?  And how is that keeping me from the life I desire, the life God desires?

I have told myself that knowing and reading the Word will change me.  I nod knowingly when I hear a scripture through which the Lord has spoken to me.  Oh, I know that one,  I think to myself, that one says it so well. And then I walk away and forget.

"The Word of God, however, is meant to do more than penetrate.  It's meant to activate." (p 78)

I have a very poor memory - people close to me can attest to that.  I have said that maybe that was the problem.  I do forget - because I'm just a forgetful person, is what I'd tell you!  

And yet, through this study the Lord spoke to my heart saying that was a lie.  It's not that I'm forgetful, or that I choose not to remember.  It's that I've allowed myself to be deceived into thinking that if the Lord really wanted me to change, He wouldn't let me rest until I gave into Him.  That He would do whatever it took until I experienced victory.

Leaving me, of course, as the passer-by in a sense.  The one who passively accepts the Lord's movement in my life.  It seems almost extra-righteous to think that I'm just waiting on the Lord to change my mind and my heart so much that my actions will (magically) follow.  I've been inspired by the Word, I'm just waiting for the Lord to do the rest....

"Simply put, the Word was meant to work. And, through it, we were meant to bear fruit." (pp 78-79)

I am to bear fruit - that's my part.  Not as a way of earning God's love or salvation, but as a response to the truth He brings into my life!

It reminds me of a time that I devoted myself to getting up early every, every day.  For the first two weeks, every morning when the alarm went off and my bed felt too warm to leave, I would repeat to myself:

"this is what discipline looks like, this is what discipline looks like..."

I can hear the prompting of the Lord to change an attitude or behaviour, but if I don't exercise the discipline to follow through, I am that person looking in the mirror.  I walk away and forget what I look like.  I walk away and forget that I'm a bearer of the very image of God, created for a life of victory in and through Jesus.  Not just once, at salvation, but every day - by His grace.  

But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it - not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it - they will be blessed in what they do.

James 1:25

"It's not until the hearing turns into DOING that believing leads to BLESSING." (p 79)

How does this rock your world today?  

wakey-wakey

I never cease to be amazed at how the Lord works.

I started a new Bible Study with the women from my church this morning.  It's been over a year since I've been in group Bible study, and I'm already glad that I was lead to this one.  It's a study on James by Beth Moore and even though we've only just watched the intro dvd, I know God has things to teach me. 

(Likely, by the time I finish the study, you may feel like you've also done it - I can't help but talk about the things I'm learning...)

Today, I'm marvelling how the Lord has worked together the final point Beth made on the video today with the main point Louie Giglio made in his openning talk at Passion 2012. (I wonder if Beth noticed it, since she was there too?)

Louie made reference to Ephesians 5:14, where it says:

"Wake up, O sleeper,

rise from the dead 

and Christ will shine on you."

Beth didn't mention this verse but the last point of the listening guide was this:

"The power of the resurrection means that nothing 

but the tomb is meant to be empty."

Let that sink in for a moment.  

Nothing but the tomb is meant to be empty.

 A friend at the study reflected on this by saying that it's the things we hate about ourselves that make the empty place, that make room for us to be filled with God's grace.  If we were full on our own, we wouldn't need Jesus.

Immediately, Matt Maher's song "Christ is Risen" came to mind, which led me to think of the verse in Ephesians.  

Wake up, Becky!  

Let Christ fill the empty places in your heart!

He has risen and by His power, I can be resurrected with Him.

Come awake!

And I am left to ponder the words of Philippians again:

"I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection"

(3:10a)

deconstructing criticism

I recently finished a 10 week bible study course by a well-known author.  I had read her books before, but didn't even know she had a bible study!  Week after week we gathered and watched a video of the author speaking on what we studied and then shared the insights we gained from the daily homework.


Anyone who knows me knows I love Beth Moore!  I love to delve into her bible study workbooks and am always amazed by what I learn.  Even more than that, I LOVE her preaching style!  I've heard others say that she's "a little much" for them, but I am so moved by her passion and love of the Lord and His Word!


The study I just finished was not one of Beth's.


I shouldn't have done it, but I compared this other lovely woman to Beth...


and I was critical...


so critical.


More than once I commented on the speaker's awkward speaking style.  I questioned how it was even possible that such a well-know author, who had obviously done many speaking engagements could have so many "flaws" in her communication style.


Then my girlfriend gave me this author's autobiography.  It told of a little girl who was raised by a mentally ill mother and locked in a closet for hours at a time.  The story went on to describe a young woman who spent hours with a vocal coach, trying to straighten out her speech.  As she found freedom in the Lord, she was delivered from much of the hurt of her past - praise the Lord!


but....ouch.


Another painful reminder about being judgmental.
  

 'He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, 

for my power is made perfect in weakness."'

2 Corinthians 12:9

If His grace is enough for me, why would it not be enough for me to extend to others?  How sorry I am that I allowed the devil to use a critical spirit to distract me from what the Lord may have taught me.....

or maybe this is the lesson.

invasion

Today I have to share what I learned in my bible study homework last night - yes, more Beth Moore!

We're continuing to move through the book of Genesis, and we're just approaching God's promise to Sarah being fulfilled (I read ahead a little last night!). Yesterday's lesson was a discussion about Abraham claiming to the king that Sarah, his wife, was his sister - again!

If you'll indulge me (and I hope it's not illegal) I would like to quote straight from the lesson book, so we don't miss the message. We'll pick up where she begins a discussion on the Greek word HORME.

"According to the New Testament Lexical Aids, 'Horme is an impulse or urge, a strong and forceful movement toward something, and connotes the ideas of thrusting, propulsion, and suddenness. It is not unlike a sudden thought, whim, or dictating inclination.' After praying that God would invade every part of my thought life, I added this new dimension to my prayers: ' God, fill me so completely with Your Holy Spirit that even my reactions and sudden impulses are godly!' I want to be like Peter when he saw Jesus on the shore and impulsively jumped in the water and swam to Him with all his might! (see John 21)........ You might say the circumstance propelled [Abraham and Sarah] with the dictating inclination of deceit as illustrated by the Greek work horme. We have defaulted to old patterns as well. Under stress or sudden crisis, our first reactions at various points may be fleshly and selfish. What if we began attentively and repeatedly praying for the Holy Spirit to invade and renew us so richly and deeply that even our impulses were godly?" (Page 62-63 The Patriarchs, Beth Moore)

What difference would this make in my life? One word? AMAZING!

~on a worship note: as I wrote this entry, Cassidy wanted music so I put on the Chipmunks soundtrack.....As I wrote Beth's words, the song "Only You" came up. Worship with the Chipmunks? Today I say "yep!"

the right tools

This morning my alarm went off at 7:15am (I've been trying to get up earlier) and I knew my coffee had also just started brewing. I laid in bed trying to get myself to move when I suddenly thought, "I guess I don't need to get up quite this early - I could sleep for another half hour..." I reset my alarm and I suppose I went right back to sleep because I found myself fairly 'alarmed' when the beeping went off again at 7:50am! Once again I learned why you should just get up when your alarm goes off the first time....now I felt worse.

7:51.....7:52....7:53....7:54 - wait a minute - I'm supposed to bring part of the snack for bible study this morning! I had completely forgotten. I spent roughly 40 seconds trying to decide if it were even possible to stop and pick up muffins when I had to drop the kids off at school at 8:50, pick my mother-in-law up at 9am and get to bible study for 9:15. Thankfully, the Lord brought to my mind the big carton of buttermilk I had in the fridge, so I quickly decided to make scones while the kids ate breakfast. Miraculously, it all got done and I wasn't even (too) late for the study!

On the way home from the church, Cassidy asked if she could have a scone for lunch. Of course, the ones I brought for the ladies were all eaten up, but I thought I could quickly make her some before we headed off to preschool. As I measured out the ingredients for the second time in 3 hours, I started to cut in the margarine with my pastry blender. Now maybe it's a little unusual to get excited about kitchen gadgets, but as I pulverized the margarine (to the size of a pea!) I thanked God for this little tool. I had one for years that never really worked very well - especially after the handle broke - so a couple of months ago, I finally cracked out the $4 to get a new one. It's such a delight to use a good tool for it's rightful purpose!

As I've mentioned, the bible study I'm working on with a group of women from the church is The Patriarchs by Beth Moore. Beth has a passion for instructing (particularly women) on the Word of God and a passion for the Word like you don't see every day. She calls women to a deeper walk with God - to invest our lives in what God is already doing around us. To move from knowing about God to knowing God, without forsaking learning more about Him.... wordy to say, but Truth my heart needs to hear!

This is what I want!

When I first began this blog, I showed a picture of a stack of books beside my bed. I love books! But sometimes this love of information and fresh, clean pages of a new book can be my downfall. I like to read the latest author and their take on what Scripture says about life, parenting, marriage, walking with God....

huh? Do you see where I'm going with this?

" 'Everything is permissible' - but not everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissable' - but not everything is constructive." 1 Corinthians 10:23

Is this an odd verse for this subject? Not to me! God in His great love and grace has given me the only tools I need for growth and a life of devotion to Him: His Word and His Spirit. If I look first to the opinions and knowledge of others and to the Word second (or not at all) I will never know my Saviour in the way that I long to know Him. I will trust in people - not the Spirit, to guide, teach and counsel me day by day.

Of course, I'm not about to clear off the three large bookcases of other people's study that sit behind me at this desk - but I will read discerningly, searching the Word and trusting the Spirit to show me more.

"His divine power has given us EVERYTHING WE NEED for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness."

2 Peter 1:3

Praise the Lord for the right tools!