Jesus

I broke my promise to myself.  At the beginning of the year, I committed to reading the Bible through in a year, and this time I wasn't going to let myself get more than a week behind.

So far today I've read the scripture passages for April 27 and 28.
sigh.

BUT, I'm reading and I'm thankful for the Holy Spirit whispering to me.  The kids ran out the door for school and my eyes fell on the new issue of Better Homes and Gardens that I picked up yesterday.  I was saving it for today... but I heard the whisper "do not neglect My Word."

Picking up my Daily Devotional Bible, I knew what was coming (and maybe that's why I was putting it off a little): Job.  Not exactly uplifting material. Very real life.

And yet!

I saw something today that I hadn't noticed before.  (If you have, please smile knowingly as I share my "discovery.")

You know the story of Job - super good guy, considered "the finest man in all the earth- a man of complete integrity" by the Lord Himself.  Satan assumes Job is this way because of all the blessing he has received from the Lord, so God allows Satan to take away everything - everything - except Job's life.  Job is obviously very shaken by this turn of events but never curses God...questions, yes, but never curses.

But what I noticed today was a certain longing that Job expressed as he sat with his friends and they tried to counsel and comfort him.  Two times (in the 14 chapters I've read so far!) Job speaks in "if only" terms that seem to point to someone he didn't know - Jesus.

In chapter 9, Job addresses his buddy Bildad, reminding him of how awesome and in control God is.  At the end of the chapter, you can almost see his gaze change from looking into the face of his friend, to looking far off - maybe to the sky - as he wonders aloud:

"If only there were a mediator who could bring us [God and people] together, but there is none." (v33)

Did a scripture just pop into your mind?

"For there is one God and one mediator 

between God and mankind, 

the man Christ Jesus." 

1 Timothy 2:5

Later in chapter 14, Job laments that life is all there is - he assumes there is nothing after the last breath.

"If mortals die, can they live again? This thought would give me hope, and through my struggle I would eagerly wait for release.  You would call and I would answer, and you would yearn for me, your handiwork.  For then you would count my steps, instead of watching for my sins.  My sins would be sealed in a pouch, and you would cover over my iniquity."

He dreams of time where His sins are covered and His relationship with God is clean.  

"We have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place 

by the blood of Jesus...

let us draw near to God with a sincere heart 

and with the full assurance that faith brings, 

having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us 

from a guilty conscience and 

having our bodies washed with pure water." 

Hebrews 10:19-22

He dreams of restoration and newness that we know comes when God fulfills His promise of a new heaven and new earth...all because of the finished work of Jesus.

And I couldn't help but imagine the look on Job's face when he got to heaven, after a life devoted to God in good times and very difficult times.  I picture the Father pointing to His Son, and imagine Job's face as he looked into the eyes of Jesus.  Can you just see the slow recognition, as the bigger picture came into view?  Don't your eyes burn with tears as you envision Job, his own tears streaming down his face as he slowly falls to his knees in worship.  I imagine I can hear his voice whisper through his tears, "thank you. thank you. thank you."  

For he now knows it was Jesus all along.  Jesus was the Hope, the Mediator, the Plan.

Take the whisper with you all day long: thank you.

competition

From the time girls are small, they tend to be very relational.

This often comes in the form of "me too!"

"I got a new toy," a girl might mention, and her friend will happily chirp, "Me too!" even if her new toy was 6 months ago...  Or, "my favorite food is pizza!" to which one of the girls in her circle will reply, "Me too!  I like pepperoni!" even when her real favorite is spaghetti...

This desire to be relational, to say "me too!" can also take the form of "notice me! I'm the same!"

I saw it more than once in the line up in front of my daughter's preschool class.  "That's a pretty dress, Cassidy!" a little cutie would comment.  And if my child didn't immediately reciprocate, I would see the girl start to sway her own twirly skirt until my daughter would see and respond, "I like you're dress too!"

This doesn't end in the preschool, or even middle school...  As women, we want to belong and we want to be noticed.  We attempt to prove our worth to the people around us to gain their approval and to feel good about ourselves.  We compete with the other women in our lives - whether that is what we would like to call it or not.  We don't compete like men.  This is no head-to-head combat, where the winner takes all (and they walk away still friends).  This is more subtle than that, and we might not even really realize what it is happening.  If we are not careful, we will find ourselves trying to one-up the people we care about.  Oh you did that?  ...Well listen to what I did!

We can see it through social networking.  Often.

status update:  "Today I cleaned out my storage closet.  What a job!"

comment: "wow, great job!  i cleaned out my closet today too.  and my garage, and all my kitchen cupboards! :)"

instragram photo: "Here's a picture of the cake I made for my son's birthday"

comment:  "looks great!  i wish i had time to make cakes, i've been so busy growing organic produce in my backyard."

tweet: "So proud of my child for winning the spelling bee!"

comment:  "how fun!  i remember my child's first spelling bee win..."

And that's how we respond on a good day, a day when our self esteem is in a good place!

On a day when we feel low or insecure or responses would be different:

status update:  "Today I cleaned out my storage closet.  What a job!"

comment:  "I wish I had a storage closet to clean out.  I have no storage at all."

or,

comment: "You are so lucky to have so much free time!"

instragram photo: "Here's a picture of the cake I made for my son's birthday"

comment: "my last attempt at a cake was a total disaster.  i wish i could make cakes like you."

tweet: "So proud of my child for winning the spelling bee!"

comment: "my kid couldn't win a spelling bee if the words were taped to her face. :( "

Of course, we probably wouldn't post those ones.  We'd just think it... and walk away feeling less-than.

Is there a way to share our lives with each other without measuring ourselves by the successes and failures of the people around us?  Is there a way we can celebrate with our friends without lamenting ourselves?  Can we choose to just be happy for someone and have it not be about us at all?

Today I remind myself that scripture has the answer!  If I want to know what love in action looks like, what it means to be humble (because that will help!), and how God is calling me to live, His Word is where to find it.  Today I'm thinking about Romans 12.  I want to give all of myself - heart, mind and body to the Lord.  I want to keep a right perspective of myself.  And I want to be sincere in my love for others!  I will, with the help of the Holy Spirit, get myself out of the way when I look at others and let it just be about them.

"Rejoice with those who rejoice;" Romans 12:15 says, "mourn with those who mourn."

Let's look for ways to encourage others today, without expecting anything in return!

back at it

i'm so on-again, off-again with this blog that i probably shouldn't even talk about the fact that i'm so on-again, off-again.....boring.

instead i feel compelled to share something that happened a couple of weeks ago.  truth be told, it was more than something that "happened."  this thing rocked. my. world.

it's a bit of long (and again, boring) story, but the seating situation in our living room has recently changed.  after acquiring a piano (yay!), we had to take out a large arm chair and were left with our sectional.  in our small cozy space, the sectional works well and seats at least 5, so it's generally not a big deal.  until that is, it comes time for g and i to meet at the end of the day to relax and watch a bit of the ol' telly.  you see, he has always planted himself in the arm chair while i've sprawled on the sectional.

(heidi - do you see the plastic strawberry?
looks like i don't have wait until we move to get it! ha!)

again, not a big deal, but he is now joining me on the couch, where there really is a primary position and a less desirable secondary position.

if you know my husband, you know he self-sacrifices and gives me the better spot. (love.)

are you asking yourself if this all is enough to rock my world?

wait for it....

so a couple of weeks ago, i'm all snuggled up with my favorite blanket in the best seat in the house, and my darling husband is stretched out on the "other" side.  he looks less comfortable than i feel, so i suggest that he switches positions and puts his feet up on the coffee table - wouldn't that be more comfortable (and aren't i sooo helpful)?

he replies - wait for it....

i don't like feet on the coffee table.

i. don't. like. feet. on. the. coffee. table.

my brain slowly processes these words and my mind's memory reel flashes with a montage of my feet - in slippers, in flip-flops, in socks, bare, painting my toenails-forgoodnesssake!- on that coffee table.

what?  what? i question. you have a problem with feet on the coffee table? i ALWAYS put my feet on the coffee table!

for the next 24 hours - i am not kidding - i question him about this coffee table thing.  but the thing that i just can't get over is that he has never told me before.

do you know how many things i dislike that i've never told him?

exactly none.

any little dissatisfaction, distaste or dislike that crosses my pretty little mind - i mention.  out loud.  to him.

not just things about him, but about life, people, stuff and the world in general.  every little thing.

and here we've been married for 15 years (of propped-on-the-coffee-table-feet) and he never uttered a word about it.

he is not a saint (sorry sweetie!) and he is not a passive person.  he chose to let it go.  he doesn't like it, but it wasn't important enough to worked up about.  he literally works to live the words of Paul:

Instead, be kind to each other, 

tenderhearted, 

forgiving one another, 

just as God through Christ 

has forgiven you. 

eph 4:32 nlt

kind and tender-hearted.

is it possible that i could keep some of my opinions to myself and just let them go?  that i could chose kindness and tender-heartedness over brutal openness?

with God's help, i believe yes.  and with God's help, i'm working on it.

what's been rocking your world these days?

white flag

so guess what i'm not very good at?

blogging every day, that's what!

oh my goodness, i really thought it would be possible...turns out, it's completely not.  i'm thinking that the people who do this 31 days thing have a plan going in.  i'm guessing they don't decide the day of that they'll dive in.  i think they probably have a list of topics, and probably an alarm clock that they answer early in the morning.  sorry friends, but i can't be bothered with that!  this blog is my hobby and as i often find, as soon as you make something a "have to," it becomes a lot less fun.

so today, 11 days and 6 posts into the project, i wave the white flag.  i admit i'm not going to finish and i'm ok with that.

i'm still thinking about contentment and thanksgiving.  i'm still reading One Thousand Gifts with my Bible Study group.  i even started my own list just yesterday.  i'll still write about what the Lord is teaching me - you know that well will never run dry!

i'm just not going to worry about trying to find time/energy/ideas for a blog post every, every day.

okie dokie?

in other white flag news,  the passion 2012 album by the same title is most definitely my favorite album of the year!  it probably has something to do with being present at the conference and part of the live recording...  nevertheless, i LOVE it!  so here's one of my absolute faves - 10 000 Reasons by Matt Redman.

at Bible study yesterday, one friend said she had started her 1000 gifts list but wasn't numbering them. we all agreed that was a cool idea, because who knows how many she would end up writing down!

maybe even ten thousand.

What to do.

I wrote this post in the afternoon, sitting alone and pensive in starbucks while I waited for my daughter.  After I picked her up, we went straight to our young families small group where I continued to question myself in yet another crucial area of life - parenting.  But I found hope for every area of my life... stay tuned until the post script.

~*~ 

Everyone has things they are good at. Areas in which they excel.

Everyone has things they are not so good at. Areas that require growth.

This is not new Information. I don't have to type it on this blog for you to know that it's the truth.

I have asked myself the question before: "would I give up something about myself that I like to replace something I don't like?" For I truly believe that when we want to change something about ourselves - even something as basic as our body shape- we don't always want to give up our "best feature" to replace it with the whole package of another. We want both. We want it all.

There is a quality in myself that I'm growing to really dislike. Not a physical thing, a behavior... or maybe it would be called a personality thing.

My flaw (as we can call it) has hurt people. It hurts me. My flaw is not sinful. I wouldn't even say its selfish, exactly....though some might call it that. But I think it has been a source of pain for people I care about. (or maybe I'm kidding myself, placing too much value on myself.)

There is no bible verse that directly speaks to this area; no specific steps to overcome. But there are people who are gifted in my area of weakness. I guess I can try and learn from them, try and force what seems to come easily for them.

A little bit more.

I won't do things as well as others, I won't always know what to do or say, but I can try in my own way. I can let go the insecurities that hold me back and follow through.

Bit by bit....
With imperfection.....

And the help of the Lord.

 ~*~

p.s.

The last discussion question of our small group series suggested we memorize a couple of verses.  My jaw dropped as I read them and realized they were just for me! (yes, I'm sure the other parents in the room could benefit from them, but I just know they're for me, the answer to all of the above questions.)

from the Message:

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

 

"He told me: my grace is enough.  

It's all you need.

My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen.

I quit focusing on the handicap and 

began appreciating the gift.

It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness.

Now I take limitations in stride, and 

with good cheer, 

these limitations that cut me down to size...

I just let Christ take over!

And so the weaker I get,

the stronger I become."

(may I never say again there's "no bible verse" that speaks to any part of my life!)

winning

via

this morning i'm trying to rev myself up.  my energy has been really low for the last few weeks and it's really bothering me.  the less action i take in a day, the worse i feel over-all, which leads to -guess what?- less action.

a vicious cycle.

i know how important rest is.  i know how valuable it is to have limits.  but what i'm also learning about myself is that when i spend too much time "resting" (i put it in quotes because really (for me) i should be saying "lazing"), i have too much time to think.  my mind begins to unnecessarily replay conversations and situations that make me feel badly about myself.  when i tell myself "i need my limits" and use that as an excuse to get nothing done, i feel discouraged and hopeless.

seems a little like a no-brainer when i put it like that!

today i'm overwhelmed with the feeling of needing a win.  sometimes i just need to do something well, just need a small success to help push me past the feelings of "i can't."

so - i'm going to prioritize my bible study homework today.... i'm going to exercise... i'm going to make a full-on supper (do you know what i mean by that?)..... i'm going to go for a walk in the sunshine... i'm going to do some laundry.

today the win will be the exercise.  i don't enjoy the thought of it, and even though i usually enjoy it at some point during, i have a very hard time motivating myself to get to it!  if i can make myself exercise, i know i can feel better about myself and my day.  not because i'll be more fit (yes, i realize it takes more than occasional effort to achieve fitness), but because with God's help, i overcame the things that held me back.

winning for me is walking in the Spirit, living in obedience, listening to the Lord's call.  winning for me is taking little steps (laundry, supper, exercise) to being the wife and mother, friend and worker, child of God i'm called to be.

with His help, I can.

Now what I am commanding you today 

is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach. 

It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, 

“Who will ascend into heaven to get it 

and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?” 

Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, 

“Who will cross the sea to get it 

and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?” 

No, the word is very near you; 

it is in your mouth and in your heart 

so you may obey it.

deut 30:11-14

What can you do today to experience a "Win?" 

comfort food

today's post shall begin with a short rant.

you wanna know what drives me crazy??  at the beginning of each new year when i'm all introspective and whatnot, and i try to have a heart-to-heart with my darling husband about how i want to do better and be more this-or-that, and doesn't he feel the same, and doesn't he have things he would like to improve upon or change, and can we just get to the heart of this (and have some tea while we talk about it)...

his response - every year - is this:

"yes, i have some ideas of things i'd like to change, but i'd rather not say what they are."


whaaaaat?


dislike.

let's talk about it, let's plan our transformations together (maybe transformation overstates it just a little...), but tell me, tell me!

however, this year i understand it a little.

i mentioned before that i hadn't spent too much time thinking about "new year's resolutions" (yes, i know it's almost february), but since then, i have spent some time.  the Lord has spoken to my heart about one thing in particular that He wants me to do differently - an area in which i have to grow.

and i'm not going to talk about it. (although i did tell my husband - accountability is good for me.)

what i WILL tell you is something a little more general - maybe you've made the same resolution, i know Becky @ farmgirl paints has.  it's all about feeding my family.

i generally dislike making dinner.  not because i don't like to cook, mostly because it's very hard for a person like myself when not everyone in the family is head-over-heels about what i've prepared!  i've repeatedly told my children that my least favourite question of the day is "what's for supper?"  many times (at 4pm) i've had to respond - "i have no idea."  i've also been known to say, "you'll find out," to avoid the groan or silent stare/turn-and-walk-away responses.  mostly i dislike coming up with ideas.  i got into the trap of thinking we have about 3 go-to meals that feel like they rotate around and around.  boring.

BUT, new year, new attitude!

Meg has been posting a weekly menu for quite a while, and has continued even though she has a new (adorable!) baby!

i started last week and it went pretty well - really well, actually.  so sunday afternoon, g & i made a plan for the week and he did all the shopping on monday (oh yeah, i also loathe grocery shopping...).

TODAY it's 10:47am and our dinner is already in the crock pot!  VICTORY!

beef stew

and after i get my housework done, i'm going to bake the most wonderful (feel like a 50's housewife) bread.  our family loves it! (maybe i'll add a photo later)

truth telling time - do you love making dinner for your family? (or could we start some sort of support group over here?)

i will say this:  i'm not in favour of using food for comfort. i don't mean that to sound judgey-pants or anything, it's just part of where the Lord has taken me on our journey.  that being said, there is definitely a comfort in knowing i'm being intentional about feeding my family and caring for their daily needs in this practical way.  that's what i mean by "comfort food."

a place to start

A lot of what I write here is about being intentional.

In fact, if I had to describe the main theme or purpose of this blog, it would be to talk about intentional living.  

I like to see what google images provides when I pop a word into the search box, and when I did that with the word intentional I found some interesting connections!

amazon.ca

Here's a book I bought (and haven't done more than flip through...)

simplemom.net

Here's a blog I read (written by the same author as above) with so many great tips and ideas!

passionatehomemaking.com

This blog I started reading because of it's title!  It sounds so purposeful....so intentionally passionate!

My theme verse (every year) is about intentionally building Christ-like qualities into my life:

Philippians 1:9-11

This is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ- to the glory and praise of God.

It's good to see I'm consistent, am I right?

Well, let me be clear about one thing:

I don't think, read, talk and write about intentional living because it's what I do and who I am to my very core.  

I do it because it's what I long to be,

aspire to do,

hope to become.

But what I've been thinking about over the last couple of weeks (especially after my Grandpa passed) is about the difference between inspiration and discipline.  

I think

~think~

this could be the key for me to living the life I've always wanted;

my best life, if you want to go there! :)

can we talk about it?

long list



find it

 It should come as no surprise that when it comes to my life, I'm always looking for ways to improve.  The very title of this blog is representative of my life: 

"a little bit more"

Verses that speak to my heart often include lists.  Ones like:

  ~2 Peter 1:5-9

~Romans 5:1-4

~Titus 2:4-5

~Zephaniah 3:17

~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

~Micah 6:8

~Proverbs 2:1-5

~Colossians 3:12-15

~Psalm 143:8-10

~Job 11:13-18

~Deuteronomy 30:11-20

When I make a new year's resolution list, it usually will have categories and sub-headings... I do realize how crazy that sounds, and maybe right about now you're beginning to feel sorry for me, thinking that I'm so burdened by trying to live up to some impossible standard...

Well the thing is, I just don't see it that way.

Resolutions for me, are not something that I keep or break, start and stop.  It's pursuit.  It's reaching. 

Maybe I am worthy of your pity, but I feel perfectly balanced when I can be content with who I am and strive, with the Lord's help, to be more. 

I think that is why I feel really good about having only one item on my list this year.  It comes from a book I've been reading called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.  Right from the beginning, I could identify with this author.  So when she said that number one on her list of Twelve Personal Commandments was "Be Gretchen," it really struck me.  And so perhaps is comes as no big surprise that my one resolution this year is to

Be Becky.

I recently discovered that someone who, after getting to know me a bit, has (I'm pretty sure) decided they're not that fond of me.  (gasp!)  ...and ouch.  And yet, it's ok.  I'm tired of trying to "fit" with people - I'm not even sure that it's honouring to the Lord.  When I alter my ideas or personality just to play by the rules of others, I'm not being who God has made me to be.

Let me be clear about what I'm not saying.

I'm not saying that in order to keep my resolution, I'm going to "let it all hang out" or be so completely (and offensively) "authentic" that I will be repulsive to be around.  At least I hope not! :)

What I long for in my life is what God wants for me based on His Word alone.  (This is why a sub-heading for my resolution is to a) learn who I am in Christ by reading the Bible from cover to cover.)  I want to grow up in Him, making choices in every area of my life (parenting, home decor, ministry, fashion, marriage, friendships) based on my gifts and His strength channeled through me - NOT based on fitting in or the concern of "rocking the boat."

audience of One.

My friend preached a sermon yesterday from the book of Philippians about "Pressing On."  As I looked into my favorite bible, underlined all over the place, I felt a pull toward learning this little book inside and out.  And so I chose from it my verse for this year:

"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more

in knowledge and depth of insight,

so that you may be able to discern

what is best

and may be pure and blameless

until the day of Christ,

filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ-

to the glory and praise of God."

Philippians 1:9-11

What better words to strengthen and encourage me to keep my resolve!

have YOU chosen a verse for 2011?

too soon

it was supposed to be a light-hearted joke, but came out biting and resentful....

it was meant as an innocent question, but sounded intrusive and like gossip...

two examples too many of when I

spoke

too

soon.

I have lived long enough, at this point, to know that there is no value in talking "out of school."  Gossip will always come back and bite you and besides being sinful will ruin your reputation.  But alas, there are times when something comes out of my mouth in a way I never intended - by tone or by words. 

I like to think that I'm not a "worrier" and that I can keep most things in relative perspective, but the one thing I have a very hard time letting go of is the thought that my words or actions have hurt or offended someone.  Even if they don't seem to hold it against me, I tend to hold it against myself.

I know perfection is for the other side, and I work hard to be content with "good enough"....but if there's one thing I'd like perfect control over (or rather, be able to completely allow God to control)  it's my tongue.  Scripture talks alot about it and if you know anything at all about people, you know it's important to most everyone.

Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; 

   keep watch over the door of my lips.

psalm 141:3

a little bit more....in increasing meausre.....full submission...

intention: my first wiww

Part of my personal mission/vision with this blog and in my life is to live intentionally.  I don't want to be the kind of person who moves from one reaction to the next but graciously lives responding to people and circumstances consciously....intentionally.

I've been following the blog of this sweet lady for a while now, and I think I was drawn to her because of a weekly post she does called "what i wore wednesday."

It's about being intentional!
It's about not just falling into whatever sweats that lay by the side of the bed (or the jammies that just got slept in!) but to do your family and the world a favour by choosing outfits, making the most of the things you have, and being creative.  

I love this idea!  I've thought for a while since I started up the blog again that maybe I would join this so-called 'linky party' but honestly, I was a little reluctant.  I mean, who cares what I'm wearing?  

The thing is, this blog for me is also about accountability.  If I write it here, it's open game for conversation...  therefore, I choose honesty for the sake of making things happen...  you know?

So here I am, posting some random outfits from the last couple of weeks.  My only full-length mirror is in kind of weird spot, so you won't usually get to see my feet, but since we here in Canada don't usually wear shoes in the house, you won't be missing much!

  

[day running errands, maybe went into the church office]

long sleeved t -old navy

grey tank underneath - american eagle

silver locket - my mom's (has some cool 1970's pics in it)

jeans - old navy 

[afternoon at the church, swimming lessons, serving at Finding Freedom]

t-shirt - american eagle

turquoise cardi - walmart

ripped jeans - gap

red shoes- gift from my bro-in-law off the streets of new york

necklace - gift from friend, hand made heart

[church, young adult lunch]

ruffly tank top - gap

white blazer - old navy

dark jeans - gap

brown slingbacks- shoe warehouse

[around the house, out for a couple errands]

white cardi - zellers

grey tshirt - joe fresh

jeans - gap

cake pendant - farm chicks

[day spent baking for thankgiving dinner - pies and buns!]

white t- joe fresh

pink tank - american eagle

jeans - gap

pendant - american eagle

So, I have a ways to go in the creativity department, but there you have it!  Of course, what I most want to put on is this, but I also can delight in being intentional about my clothes.... I think.

What are you wearing these days?

radiating

I've never been one to use expensive products.  One time I thought I would convert and wear only MAC makeup, because how cool is that, but I just couldn't make myself give up my $2 eyeliner....  I've heard that if you start using Chanel face powder, you'll never go back.  A lifetime of fifty dollar powder is just not something this mrs. pastor can commit to!  I'll stick with my drug store finds.

One of my faves is Aveeno skin care products.

I've been using the Positively Radiant line for several years, and I really feel like it's the best for me.  As I washed me face the other day I began to think of someone else who was radiant: Moses!  Remember him?  Remember how he would go up Mt. Sinai to meet with God and when he came back he was so radiant that he actually had to cover up! (see Exodus 34)  I looked more closely at the bottle I was using and noticed this: "brings out skin's natural radiance and evens out skin tone and texture."

I think this is what Moses experienced - not in the appearance of his skin (though maybe, who knows?) - in his spirit....radiant and evened out.

One of the verses I keep by my kitchen sink is from Psalm 143:10

"Teach me to do your will for you are my God,
may your good spirit lead me on level ground"

As a woman, I know what it feels like to walk on un-even ground.  The up, the d-o-w-n!  I want my soul to be evened out, I want to radiate God's love and grace.

I haven't been very disciplined about getting up early for my quiet time lately.  I did well for a while, but you know how it is, you stay up late a couple of nights which makes it hard to get up early.....

I know there's no rule about having your devo time first thing in the morning, but I've seen the fruit of getting up and being spiritually grounded for the day and I want that again.  And as I think about Moses, and how spending time with the Lord made him radiant, I consider how my family would benefit from a wife and mom that reflects God from the earliest part of the morning - this would have to be an act of God, since I don't wake up "well." I want to be the kind of woman that isn't ruled by her circumstances or mood, but trusts the Spirit to lead me level ground, emotionally speaking.

Tonight I'm setting my coffee pot, laying out my Bible and putting a cozy blanket on my favorite chair, ready for an early(ish) morning visit with my loving God.

When do you have QT?

two way street

Have you ever noticed that when God is trying to teach you a lesson, or give you an opportunity for growth, your "problem" surfaces in more than one place?  Sometimes it seems that what was an issue for me in one area, suddenly is smacking me in the face in another area.  Sometime it's that there are "answers" to my problem coming from a variety of sources - usually not all good.

Today I'm thinking about life as a 2 way street.  That's what they say, right?  I think what they mostly mean is that you give and you get, neither all of one or the other; or what you give is what you get.  But today that brings me to a question:

Is that a distortion of God's Word?  In particular, I'm thinking of the verse in Matthew that says,

"Do to others what you would have them do to you" (Matthew 7:12)

Am I the only one who grew up taking this as some kind of guarantee?  That if I treat people a certain way, they will kindly reciprocate.  I would take it one step further, in all honesty, and say that I've thought they might not even be aware or willing, but that it would be a super-natural force pushing them to respond to me in kind.  I have turned this portion of a verse, the wisdom of Jesus, into a promise.  I have taught this verse to my children.  We even made posters one time that said "treat others the way you would like to be treated", and only now is it suddenly dawning on me why my eldest took the poster down shortly after it went up.  I think, I think, she may have thought it was false advertising!

What is my motivation for "doing" for others.  WHY should I treat others the way I want to be treated?  To get back that same lovely behaviour?  What happens when that doesn't happen?  Worse yet, what happens when I'm all the wiser, and I KNOW that it won't be reciprocated?   .....human response:

why bother?

why try to change things, to improve things when I'm the only one working at it?

what's the point?

can I really let them off the hook, not hold them accountable?

what about all the junk in the past that brought me to this hard-hearted place?

what about ME?

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? 

I am making a way in the desert

and streams in the wasteland."

Isaiah 43:18-19

I want a new thing.  I want a new name written on a white stone (Revelation 2:17).  I want to overcome my hurt feelings and loneliness. I want a new heart (Ezekiel 36:26)!  It has to happen within me, where the Holy Spirit lives - I can't expect this to happen because all my expectations of others are finally met the way I think they should be.

With Your help, and by Your mercy, O Lord.

hard habit to break

I went to peek in on Cassidy this evening and found this sweet sight!  My baby asleep - fairy wings intact!  Of course, the other thing I quickly noticed was that thumb in her mouth.

We've talked about quitting.

~discussed why one shouldn't suck their thumb

~googled books on helping your child think it is their idea

~planned for rewards, should we undertake the task of really breaking this habit

And yet, a month after her fourth birthday, I wasn't at all surprised to see this tonight.  I know there are likely equal numbers of people who would say, "oh, don't force it - she'll quit eventually" and "I can't believe you've let it go on this long!"

Honestly, I'm not ready to commit to making it stop altogether, so for now I gently remind her when I see it - and sometimes turn a blind eye.

Here's a question:

If you're my friend (or you have some other friend) and you see me practicing a bad habit (maybe something worse than nail biting....gossip?...road rage?....over-indulgence?...), what do you do?  Do you call me on it?  Or do you assume I'm already working on it?  Or do you think I'll quit eventually (the Holy Spirit will convict me of this issue eventually)?

Here's another question:

If you're my friend - am I ready to hear this kind of constructive criticism from you?  Am I going to judge you by suddenly noticing with new clarity that you don't exactly have your act completely together?  Am I going to sulk, broken-hearted that people don't love me 'just as I am'?

Put on love! ~ see Colossians 3:12-17 ~

"Whatever you do, whether in word or in deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." (v 17)

I'm thankful I have people in my life who are willing to take a stand for my good and tell me (gently!) things I need to improve upon.  

And I'm working on being the kind of person that can apply godly knowledge to encourage those I care about!