home

This morning I reached for my new coffee cup and thought of my granny.  Birds always make me think of her.  She knew about all kinds of local birds and took pleasure in feeding them.  She taught me how to call chickadees to let them know the feeder had been filled.

This will be her first Christmas in heaven.

I've always thought of heaven as kind of a big camp fire - everyone gathered around, sharing stories.  And as they share, they realize with complete clarity that Christ was with them every step of the way. Sometimes the stories will recount dark days of disappointment and sadness, but they won't be sad tales.  They will be testimonies of Jesus' presence.  Sometimes the stories will be interrupted with bursts of laughter because sometimes life is just crazy-hilarious.  But these moments won't leave the Lord out of the spotlight because then, too, will it be obvious that even if it seemed like a "non-spiritural" kind of event, He was there.  He was delighting in you and laughing with you.

This Christmas, I see Gramps, young and spry, grabbing Granny's arm saying "you've gotta see this."  Maybe they know they spent their earthly life as partners, but compared to being in the presence of Christ, it's really neither here nor there.

And when it's her turn to tell a story, she's ready!  Gramps laughs along, he remembers that time.  And the Lord's eyes smile as He always smiles when the ones He loves finally can see the big picture.

"The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.  We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth." John 1:14

My grandparents will have a wonderful Christmas with the Lord this year.  Don't we who are waiting for home want the same?  Oh, that we would have a glimpse of the glory of the One and Only and that, like Moses, our faces would shine for having seen Him.

He is not just a baby in the manger.  He is everything.
Glory.

november 26

an average tuesday in most homes, but in our home we had a birthday to mark!

my beloved husband is (as he told the children) 10,047 today. (wink!)  unfortunately as busy days go, it wasn't the most magical of birthdays, but we tried to squeeze in a little celebrating.

here in these moments as he reads Narnia to the kids, i can take the opportunity to remember.

remembering is good for the soul.
good for a marriage.

my husband is God's gift to me.
we talk about that a lot in premarriage counselling.  if i believe it, which i do, how should i receive it...him?  i like presents, but a gift from God Himself? that's got to be the best!

my husband is not perfect.
but that's not what i'm here to talk about....

he is faithful and loving, truthful and kind.
and he loves me.
and he shows how much he loves me in a variety of ways.
he is an example to me of how to love.

he's not the same guy i fell in love with 19 years ago, though he has the same smile and same twinkle in his eye... i have had the privilege of court side seats to watch God at work in him.  the work isn't finished and hasn't always come quickly, but God is at work - isn't that what we hope for in ourselves?  he has grown to share more and more of himself.  just last week i learned something new!  he sets goals for himself ~usually secret goals~ and i only notice after he's met it.  growing and learning at 10,047? amazing!

i am not the same woman i was in 1994, either.  praise God!  my husband has been one of the primary chisels God has used to shape me to become more like Himself.  sometimes it's been through encouraging words.  he is my biggest fan and cheerleader!  sometimes it's been through learning to accept that i can't change him....hello humility, where have you been all my life?

overall, i'm just so thankful.
i'm thankful when he takes me to my favourite places, i'm thankful when he's in a bad mood for 2 days straight.  he is my gift and we fit together.

and if i ever stop being thankful for him, please tell me to get over myself and remind me to appreciate my gift.

a moment

in a flash, a memory...

driving down the road the other day, i reached for my starbucks and gave it a little shake.  just a little coffee left.  thankful, i tilt the cup waaaay back to get every last drop.

in that moment, as though looking through a photo album, i see three babies.  my babies.  each them with a sippy cup, angled just so, head thrown back enjoying the last sips of milk.

(i always feel like i'm drinking from a sippy cup when i have coffee out...)

double fisting the sippers

everyone will say it, but man, time flies.

those days felt so long, but the years truly are, as they say, short.

i kept those sippy cups around for a few years after my youngest outgrew them (much sooner than the other two, as these things go).  i told myself it was a good thing to have on hand for when baby-friends came to visit.

i think we can be honest and agree, i just didn't want to stop seeing them in my cupboard!

ages and stages, this too shall pass, cherish every moment....


take from this what you will.

i took a few moments to look through old pictures and remember with a smile.  i looked at my kids and wondered what i will miss the most about the stage they're in now.

and then i decided to be here now, present and alert.

and i chose to say Thank You.

remembering & a recipe

Yesterday afternoon I was preparing to have company that evening, but all the while I was missing my Granny - she's been gone to Glory for a week now.

Then it struck me....

What better way to reminisce the life of a lady I loved so dearly than to make one of her "famous" recipes for our guests!

At her funeral a couple of days ago, almost everyone who shared a memory spoke of her hospitality.  Her daughters said her simple and unapologetic style was a lesson to them, while her grandkids all remembered many, many delicious meals.  Homemade bread and jelly would have been the most traditional thing I could have served our friends last night, but I decided to pull out a recipe that she made often when the ladies of the church were required to bring "dainties" and always at Christmas time.

In my recipe book, it is simply called "Granny's Cheesecake" (though there is no cheese in it!).

I love this recipe because it's simple - no mixer required! - and light.  Like many recipes in my family book, the instructions are ....brief.  But really, brief is plenty in this case!

Granny's Cheesecake

Mix together:

1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs (crush them yourself if you like extra work!)
3/4 cup flour
1/3 cup brown sugar (packed)
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup melted butter

Press half the mixture into the bottom of a 5x7 pan. (I used an 8x8 that's teflon.  The recipe didn't say to grease it...so I didn't, but if your pan is not non-stick, maybe you want to?)

In a separate bowl, mix together:

1 can Eagle Brand milk (there was a time that this was a very popular baking ingredient!)
1/2 cup lemon juice (I used one fresh squeezed lemon to make 1/4 cup and filled the rest with bottled juice.  I know my Granny never would have used fresh lemon - too expensive, but I happened to have one on hand.)
1 tsp lemon extract

Pour into pan and top with the rest of the crumb mixture.  Lightly press.

(You can turn the pan different angles to get the filling into the corners!)

Bake at 350F for 20 minutes.  (I think I should have done 25 min in the 8x8 pan, but it still turned out great!)

I left it in the pan for the afternoon and cut it just before our guests arrived.  The crumb mixture is very crumbly (go figure) but the filling holds it together just right!

As I pressed the crumbs on top of the filling, I noticed I left a few hand prints.  I smiled as I could imagine my hands becoming Granny's hands, her rings on swollen-from-work fingers, delicately but quickly pressing the crumbs in - there are other chores to be done!  I thought about how many of her hand prints I hand eaten over the years in her cheesecake, breads, toffee, and many other specialties.

Of course I never thought of such crazy things at the time... but I guess that's what memories are for.

Monday

walking in the room
i felt drawn to her
as i always have

she would greet me with a smile
a big hug
"my girl"
something cooking on the stove

i looked at her face-
was her brow furrowed
or are the lines there from years of squinting in the sun?

her eyes laid closed
but i remember their sparkle
blue like love

i held her hand
it was warmer than the other day
her breathing has changed

i looked at her arm and asked about the bruises
i thought about her watch and
how i used to turn and stretch it as she held my hand
and i studied her skin

i stroked her hand and saw her wedding ring
such a lovely setting
her heart belonging only to him even after he was gone

i listened to her breathe
like a deep sleep
with a sense of urgency
and i prayed

we love her, Jesus
we know You do too
be her Comfort
be her Peace

amen.

back in time

scents of cinnamon and spice waft through the kitchen.  the monkey bread smells almost done.
i fluff the pillows and straighten things up in the living room as we wait for our guests to arrive.
moving back to the kitchen, i pull out my bright green colander and some colourful fresh fruit for washing.

strawberries, raspberries and bright green grapes.

washing carefully, i methodically hull and quarter the strawberries.  i remove the stems of the grapes.  as i place them mixed in my favourite bowl, i add the raspberries.  but not before i pop one in my mouth.

in an instant, i am transported through time.

i am ten years old, in my granny's garden looking for the biggest, ripest raspberries, trying not to take them all from the same area.

i am running with my brother or a cousin past the property line marked by tall grasses and rocks.  i am hopeful that the old school house will be open for exploration like it was just that one time.  i am hopeful that i haven't collected too many wood ticks.

i am visiting the crates filled with bunnies.  i pause at the babies and stick my finger through the wire to feel soft white fur.

i am watching my grandpa chop wood and stack it carefully in the pile, row upon row for a winter's worth of warmth.

i am cleaning the playhouse.  organizing empty spice jars filled with twigs and rocks and opening the window for fresh air.

i am hearing my granny's voice, calling me in for lunch.  homemade soup, fresh warm bannock, raisin spice cookies, grandpa's favourite.

and then the doorbell rings, our guests are here.  i shake my head into today and smile.

and i have another raspberry.

modest

I like clothes.
And I like to look nice.
I'm pretty sure I've always been like that.

My grandma has a picture in her collection of me and my cousin standing together the year we coincidentally ended up with very similar swimsuits.  We were probably around 9 or 10, and while we were both very much "children" in our appearance, one of us was standing like a regular kid and the other was posing like (what she thought was) a super model.

I'll let you guess which was which...

I've always cared about my appearance and my clothes - sometimes too much.  In the last number of years, however, I've thought a lot more about modesty.  I certainly went through a phase where modesty was of no concern to me, but as I've gotten a little older and watched the styles and trends change; as have had two daughters of my own, modesty has been something I've spent more time considering.  Why is modesty important?  Who is modesty for?  What does modesty look like?

Last summer at teen camp, my husband asked me to speak to the girls about godly sexuality, and modesty again came to mind.  Today I was reminded of some of things the Lord taught me in preparing for that talk.  A facebook friend/relative of mine posted a link to an article written by Sharon Hodde Miller for Relavant magazine which also included another link to a separate article she had written for her-meneuntics (a division of Christianity Today).
[click the links to read both articles]

Let me just say, this lady and I are of one mind!

As I read (and "amen-ed") these two pieces, I thought of my seven year old daughter.  This girl cares about her personal style.  She likes colourful dresses and fun tshirts, and she loves to be complimented on her outfit!  As a toddler, she was the one who could be seen twirling her skirt for the attention it brought her.  More than once I wondered about the fashion choices she would want to make as a teen....

she's poser - just like her mom!

I'm not sure when I first introduced the idea of modesty to her.  I don't remember it being intentional.  But at some point the word came out and the concept must have been explained, because she knows what it means.  As we watched the red carpet for the Oscars together (doesn't everyone do that with their 7 yr old?), she had much to say about the dresses she admired!

What made my heart swell at the time was that she wasn't judgemental of the choices the actresses had made, she showed discernment.  "oh, her dress is such a pretty colour and I love the way it ruffles in the back," she would say, "but it probably is a little immodest at the front top part...."

It makes me think.  Here is a girl who doesn't yet understand the feeling of power a young woman can feel by dressing in a way that makes boys swoon (which is sweet way of saying something that likely isn't sweet).  She's learning to assess outfits and choices based on whether or not it's appropriate for her and honouring to God.  Maybe she doesn't think it exactly in those terms, but she is thinking.

I want modesty for my daughters, but I don't want it for them if it means they think their bodies are bad or dirty or irreverant just because they're female.  I want my girls to honour the bodies God has made for them by feeding them well, exercising them for health, and dressing them appropriately - so that they are fit (in all senses of the word) for the things God is calling them to do.

I want this for myself too, and for all women.  Let us offer our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God. This is our spiritual act of worship. (Rom 12:1)  And may we be motivated by love for our loving Creator and a desire to serve and please Him.

faith in the faithful One

In case you need a reminder today, 

here's our precious first born at 2 years old singing 

"Faithful One."

Perfect truth from the mouth of a baby.

Thank You, Lord

love baked in a bundt

today was a day without a to-do list.
what a gift!

i popped into the lab nearby to get some (overdue) blood work done and it took no time at all, so i got groceries and headed for home.  after some coffee and relaxation, i figured it was the perfect day to do some baking for the kids' lunches.  i have no problem with sending the odd store bought baking, but i know they like some of the things i bake better, so i pulled out butter and flour, bananas and cocoa for their favourite bundt cake.

i gazed out the kitchen window as i creamed butter, sugar and eggs and watched a squirrel race along the trees as the snow drifted down. serene.

i thought of my kids and the reward of their delight when i offer this baked goodness as an after school snack.

i remembered last night at the dinner table when one of them shared a dream for their future that included a life of ministry.  oh Lord, thank you.  even if the dream is never realized, or if minds change, as they do - it was there.  for that moment ministry life wasn't something that was negative or unappealing.... it was there.

and so i prayed as i folded dry into wet and added chocolate chips for fun.

take them Lord.
call them and use them.
for Your glory....Your glory.

this is how i baked my love, prayer and even a few tears into a bundt cake on an average Tuesday afternoon.

~*~

want a easy recipe for the people in your life?  try this one!  it's pretty vague because i chicken-scratched on a scrap of paper from who-knows-where, but you can figure it out. (i believe in you!)

Banana-Chocolate Bundt Cake

1 1/4 c. flour

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/2 c. cocoa powder

1/4 tsp salt

1 tsp instant coffee

1/2 c. butter (room temp)

1 1/2 c. sugar

2 eggs

3 bananas (i always add 4-5)

1 cup chocolate chips

~preheat oven to 350F

~spray bundt pan

~mix dry ingredients

~separate bowl: cream butter, add sugar & eggs, mix well; add bananas, mix briefly

~add dry to wet, don't overdo; fold in chocolate chips

~bake 50-60 minutes

remembering

The other day I was driving across the bridge on my way to the church when an unexpected rise of emotion came over me.  The trees were covered in hoarfrost and the river almost frozen.  Christmas music played softly on the radio as I mentally ran through what I needed to accomplish at the coming rehearsal.

I hummed along to the current song and suddenly my eyes filled with tears.  The song caused a wave of memories from Christmas 2010.

That was the last Christmas my Grandpa was alive.

here's the lego version of our Christmas Eve tradition
that my kids created last year!

At our annual Christmas Eve celebration, my mom's side of the family gathers for food, prezzies and carol singing.  We even have a special visit from Santa himself, but before that happens, the Christmas story is read.  As long as I can remember, my Grandpa, our patriarch, read the story.  Several years ago, he passed the honour to my uncle - almost as a way of preparing us for when he would no longer read to us.

Part of the reading and singing time always includes some concert recitations from the kids and a song sung by yours truly.  I tend to feel a little embarrassed doing it, but I've committed to the Lord to always be prepared to use the gifts He's given if called upon.  And my dad will always ask me for my song! :)

Two Christmases ago, I sang the song I heard the other day on the radio: "In the Bleak Midwinter."  It was soft and simple, but it meant something to me that year.  After I finished, my Grandpa asked me to sing it again.  He moved to a seat right beside the piano and I sang just for him.

In the bleak midwinter, icy wind did moan.

The earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone.

Snow had softly fallen, Snow on snow, on snow.

In the bleak midwinter, so long ago.

Our God, heaven cannot hold him, nor the earth sustain.

Heaven and earth shall fade away when He comes to reign.

In the bleak midwinter a stable place sufficed.

The Lord God Almighty, Jesus Christ.

What then can I give Him, poor as I am?

If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb.

If I were a wise man, I would do my part.

Yet, what can I give Him? I must give my heart.

I've often wondered why he asked me to sing it again.

Was it because he couldn't hear me?

Did he simply like the way it sounded?

Did he somehow know that it would be the last Christmas song he would hear me sing?

Or was it because the words spoke truth to him?  I like that answer the best. My Grandpa often said he wasn't the smartest man, he certainly wasn't the richest and he wasn't without faults.  But he loved Jesus.  And so I like to think that the truth of the last line of the song was why he asked me to sing it again.  That it was a recommitment to once again offer the Lord his whole heart.

It's the example I hope to remember this Christmas, every Christmas, and all year long.

back at it

i'm so on-again, off-again with this blog that i probably shouldn't even talk about the fact that i'm so on-again, off-again.....boring.

instead i feel compelled to share something that happened a couple of weeks ago.  truth be told, it was more than something that "happened."  this thing rocked. my. world.

it's a bit of long (and again, boring) story, but the seating situation in our living room has recently changed.  after acquiring a piano (yay!), we had to take out a large arm chair and were left with our sectional.  in our small cozy space, the sectional works well and seats at least 5, so it's generally not a big deal.  until that is, it comes time for g and i to meet at the end of the day to relax and watch a bit of the ol' telly.  you see, he has always planted himself in the arm chair while i've sprawled on the sectional.

(heidi - do you see the plastic strawberry?
looks like i don't have wait until we move to get it! ha!)

again, not a big deal, but he is now joining me on the couch, where there really is a primary position and a less desirable secondary position.

if you know my husband, you know he self-sacrifices and gives me the better spot. (love.)

are you asking yourself if this all is enough to rock my world?

wait for it....

so a couple of weeks ago, i'm all snuggled up with my favorite blanket in the best seat in the house, and my darling husband is stretched out on the "other" side.  he looks less comfortable than i feel, so i suggest that he switches positions and puts his feet up on the coffee table - wouldn't that be more comfortable (and aren't i sooo helpful)?

he replies - wait for it....

i don't like feet on the coffee table.

i. don't. like. feet. on. the. coffee. table.

my brain slowly processes these words and my mind's memory reel flashes with a montage of my feet - in slippers, in flip-flops, in socks, bare, painting my toenails-forgoodnesssake!- on that coffee table.

what?  what? i question. you have a problem with feet on the coffee table? i ALWAYS put my feet on the coffee table!

for the next 24 hours - i am not kidding - i question him about this coffee table thing.  but the thing that i just can't get over is that he has never told me before.

do you know how many things i dislike that i've never told him?

exactly none.

any little dissatisfaction, distaste or dislike that crosses my pretty little mind - i mention.  out loud.  to him.

not just things about him, but about life, people, stuff and the world in general.  every little thing.

and here we've been married for 15 years (of propped-on-the-coffee-table-feet) and he never uttered a word about it.

he is not a saint (sorry sweetie!) and he is not a passive person.  he chose to let it go.  he doesn't like it, but it wasn't important enough to worked up about.  he literally works to live the words of Paul:

Instead, be kind to each other, 

tenderhearted, 

forgiving one another, 

just as God through Christ 

has forgiven you. 

eph 4:32 nlt

kind and tender-hearted.

is it possible that i could keep some of my opinions to myself and just let them go?  that i could chose kindness and tender-heartedness over brutal openness?

with God's help, i believe yes.  and with God's help, i'm working on it.

what's been rocking your world these days?

36 things

This past Sunday was Mother's Day.  As the mom of three (wonderful) children, I've grown accoustomed to being showered with love, affection and acts of service on that special day.  The kids gave me their hand-made wonders and I received my favourite thing - fill in the blank "I love mom because...." gifts from two of them.

I love this picture of my mom and my son because he is not
a huggy-kissy kind of guy, but my mom will grab him and
show him all the affection he doesn't think he needs! 

I also had the privilege of hosting the celebratory brunch for my mom, and as I prepared for that, I got to thinking about all the things I've learned from her over the 36 Mother's Days we've had together.  It was a wonderful excercise to consider how much of who I am is because of her.  So here they are (in no specific order):

on housekeeping:
1. Clean weekly, so the mess never builds up to an all-day job.
2. Even on a lazy day where I want to watch tv all day, if I do some small job during every commercial, I'll get alot done.
3. If your kitchen, bathroom and main living space are tolerable, you'll never be horrified by a drop-by visitor.
4.  Dust first, then vacuum.
5. An organized home is a peaceful home.
6.  If you have too much stuff to keep track of - PURGE!
7.  If you can't find things or buy multiples of the same item because you forgot you had it - PURGE!
8.  Pretty containers make organizing more fun and inspiring.

on hospitality:
9.  Do as much as you can in advance, so you can enjoy your guests when the arrive.
10.  Put the food away and leave the rest of the clean up for after your guests leave.
11. Be present!
12.  Make a list of the things you intended to serve - then you won't open the fridge after your guests leave and realize you forgot to serve the salad!
13.  Have some interesting and funny things prepared for when conversation lulls.
14.  A home that is comfortable, tidy and inviting will help put people at ease, and a warm greeting helps even more!
15.  China is not just for major holidays.  If you"ve got "good dishes," who are you saving them for? 
16.  Be light and entertaining, inviting and open with your guests and at social functions.
17.  A meal doesn't have to be gourmet to be guest-worthy.

on faith and service:
18.  Scripture memory never stops being important.
19.  Read your bible cover to cover as often as you can.
20.  Stay in group bible study, lead as you're lead.
21.  Journalling is a good way to keep track of how God is at work in your life.
22.  Pray for an obedient heart
23.  Speak the truth
24.  Be peaceable (but not at any price)
25.  Serve women and be ready to share your story

on marriage and family:
26.  Be responsible for who you are and what you do - in your marriage, as a parent, as the daughter of aging parents
27.  Let your husband show love by leading
28.  Freshen up before he comes home from work
29.  Teach your children to honour their dad
30.  Speak to the uniqueness of each child and find a place to connect from there
 
on personal growth:
31.  There is no benefit to pretending to be someone you are not
32.  "Be sure your sins will find you out"
33.  "Let the grace of God dwell in you richly"
34.   Have a "ready" laugh - this will bless people more than you can imagine
35.  REST as your body and soul requires it, try not to wait until it's past due!

and lastly, this one is a lesson i learned just today through a phone conversation with her....
36.  When you plan on parking yourself on the couch with your coffee and tv remote: don't forget to bring the cordless phone with you! (thanks, Mom!)

Not to brag (oh that should be on the list too, "don't brag")  but my mom is great!  If you know her, you know that already.  She is a testimony to all the God is doing in her life and the fact that at her stage of living, she is still growing in Him.  What more could any of us hope for?

Thanks, Mom!

one year

today marks the day of one year since my grandpa passed away.
i've had the newspaper obituary on my fridge all year; it's yellowed over the last twelve months.

sometimes i wonder if that's a strange thing, to have that scrap of newsprint right there in my kitchen, in the midst of the family calendar, milk tickets, grocery lists and permission slips....

and yet, sometimes his face catches my eye, and my heart catches in my throat and i remember....
who he was,
what he stood for,
Who he followed with all his heart,
how he loved
me.

my grandpa was one of the people in my early childhood that told me i was special, that i was lovable, that i was valuable.  my grandpa listened to me and let me sit in his lap.  my grandpa encouraged me to use my gifts for the glory of God and the edification of the church.  my grandpa was proud of me.

and i love him just the same as i did as a little girl when he would laugh as i sang my silly songs.
i love him just the same as i did when he gave the toast to the bride at our wedding.
i love him just the same as i did when i saw his shell, empty of his precious soul, on the hospital bed one year ago.

and i praise God for the gift of my grandpa.

romance

Some people are just born with a romantic soul.  My youngest daughter is like that.  She treasures little tokens from friends, she's very affectionate and puts hearts and flowers on everything.  Valentine's day was made for her!

Not long ago, I was wearing a locket that belonged to my mom - I'm not sure why she ever gave it me, but I wear it a lot.  Inside is a picture of my folks in the early '70s and my older brother as an infant.  It's pretty cool to walk around wearing a little bit of family history!

Cass snuggled with me on the couch on a lazy Sunday afternoon and was opening and closing the locket. She stared long and hard at the pictures inside and then would snap it shut.  When her blue eyes met mine, she asked:

"Do you ever just hold the locket in your hand and remember your mom and dad and uncle Johnny and then look at the pictures and smile and then snap the locket shut?"

With a far-away look in her eye, she smiled a small smile and I didn't even have to answer.  In her romantic heart, she knew it was true.

With her around, we'll always have plenty of love and romance on Feb 14 and always!

Happy love day!

angst

being a parent is way harder than i ever imagined it would be.

when i had babies, it was all about feeding, changing and cuddling.  i worried when they cried for a long time or slept along time or ate more/less than usual...

when i had toddlers, it was all about routine, play and cuddling.  i worried about teaching them rules for life - clean up after you make a mess, say please and thank you and the like....

as they started school, it was still about routine with plenty of time for play and less-frequent cuddles (by their choice).  i worried about them fitting in and making friends, being able to do school with some degree of 'success' and developing Christ-like character...

my kids are still young, but now that they are learning more about the world and people, my heart breaks regularly.  it is so hard to hear how they process friendships.  it is so hard to hear them say they feel stupid in a particular situation or like they don't fit.  it is so hard to watch them struggle.  i've never known such pain in my heart.  honestly, sometimes i wonder if i'd known how much this would hurt...

and they're not even teenagers yet.

i've heard mothers further along on the journey say how having children drove them to their knees more than ever before.  i don't think i could say i fully understood that when they were babies, toddlers, pre-and-early-schoolers.  don't get me wrong - i've always prayed for my kids, and i probably would have told you i understood the real need for prayer at every stage.

but now.

tears and questions that i have no answers for lead me to lean on Jesus in a new way.  the angst of my child brings angst in my own heart - sometimes reliving my own youth, sometimes watching something i've never seen before.  i desperately want to have all the answers.  where are the books that give me all the answers??  i want to make it all better, like kissing a boo-boo and applying a colourful bandage, but i just can't.

and so i give lots of hugs and listen even more.  i try to reassure and encourage.  i point to scripture and tell my own stories.  and i pray, and pray, and pray.

¹⁶ I pray that out of his glorious riches
he may strengthen you 

with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 

¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. 

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 

¹⁸ may have power, 

together with all the Lord’s holy people, 

to grasp how wide 

and long 

and high 

and deep 

is the love of Christ, 

¹⁹and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—

that you may be filled to the measure 

of all the fullness of God.

eph 3:16-19

encouraged

we snuggled into story time together,

cass & i,

and i thought we would simply have some quality cuddling while accomplishing her daily reading goal.

the Lord had another idea.

as we turned the page to this picture:

my sweet child said, 'oh mommy, that looks like you!  she has her coffee, she's reading her bible in the morning... just like you!'

my heart skipped a little beat of praise and thanksgiving 

for this child has started more days of her six and a half years NOT seeing her mom

with her coffee...

reading her bible...

and yet, she still identified the picture with me.

talk about a kick-in-the-pants!

i never, NEVER want that image to change.

as she grows, the more she sees me like this,

the more she'll assume it is

"normal"

to be that kind of woman.

what a lovely way to be reminded!

Deuteronomy 6:5-7

New Living Translation (NLT)

⁵ And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. ⁶ And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. ⁷ Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.

tradition

I might be a little slow, but sometimes I don't even know we have a family tradition until the kids remark on how we always do _________ at Christmas time!  What a delight it is to see their eyes light up at the sight of sameness.  How fun to see them treasure the little things.

Like yesterday when they came home from school and first spotted the garland going up our wooden bannister - monogrammed stocking hung with care....

Then they spun around the corner to see the tree set up and ready for our annual tree-trimming party....

our "family tree" - full of child-made and treasured ornaments.
i love it every year.

As they race around the house spotting all the Christmas-y effort I had put forth that day, they ran down to the rec-room and found the stack of Christmas books we've been collecting since our eldest was a baby.

I pack these away each year with the ornaments, and so I never really know if the kidlets will think they're far too mature for the books from one year to the next.  I had "big blaze" roaring on the tv (another holiday tradition around here!  hey, don't make fun....), and the kids snuggled up on the couch reading all their old favorites.   (more on that in another post.)

oh, big blaze...

I'm also a little relieved that after years of being told "don't touch!" they only have fond feelings toward my tiny (and precious) nativity set.  They are now allowed to touch it....carefully! :)

Now that the most hectic part of my Christmas busy-ness is over, we are looking forward to lots of snuggling near the "fire" and marshmallow-y hot chocolate (Christmas mugs came out too!).

May you have plenty of time with your loved ones this year - you never know when you're (unintentionally) creating a new tradition!

Today

My long-time friend Sherri posted "Today" - an idea she got from another blog.  I thought I'd join in the fun since it's been so long since I posted and feel like I'm not sure where to start.

I'll start TODAY.

Today I went to take my 3 kids to their first day of school, out for breakfast and shopping hand-in-hand with my husband.
Today I hoped my daughter's first day of middle school would be a success in her eyes, and that our children would each feel loved and secure.
Today I dreamed the my eldest would thrive and grow, but not leave me in the dust.
Today I forgot how quickly time flies and how kids are individual people with their own feelings and thoughts.
Today I heard my husband tell me he loves me and is proud of who I am.
Today I read over the talk I'm giving at a women's retreat tomorrow.
Today I watched Nate Berkus while I painted my toenails - just because I could! :)
Today I said "trust in the Lord in all your ways and don't lean on your own understanding."
Today I believed that they would all be ok, no matter what.  Today I trusted in God, condition-free.
Today I felt anxious and tender-hearted.
Today I wondered if I would always feel this content.
Today I bought a new top to wear at the retreat.  My husband said it looked great on me.
Today I cleaned as little as possible.  When mom's away the house falls apart so why fight it?
Today I created a plan for an after-first-day-of-school celebration.
Today I laughed a little and cried a little - and it's only lunch time!

Who are you today?


Have a blessed weekend!

my prayer

 Today I pray that my children's memories will be filled with 

images of their mother's warm touches,

snuggles with stories,

and road trips to favorite places - just the five of us.

Today I pray my kids will remember the times of

family traditions,

celebrations,

and birthday, after birthday, after birthday

of feeling significant and loved.

Today I pray their hearts will be built upon 

time spent together,

enjoying one another,

learning from each other.

Today I pray their minds will recall 

words of love,

actions of gentleness,

and many,

many

smiles.

other people's children

I have learned that one of the greatest ways to bless a friend or peer is to delight in their children.

As much as parents try to tell themselves that their identity and worth is not found in their kids (or particularly the behaviour of their kids), it always does the heart good to see someone else enjoy your offspring.

Lessons come in many different ways.  I would say, for me, this lessons is born of three observations:

1 ~ a mother's face.  Look at it when you take interest in her child, bending down to his level, chatting about something that's important to him.  Look at her face as you share something that is delightful in her child - his funny laugh, his sharing during playtime, the sound of his voice singing.  A mother's face will tell you that you've been an encouragement to her, that you've validated the hours, weeks, years she's invested in her little ones.

precious Ms. Hester - Abbey's kindergarten teacher in NC

2 ~ the flip side.  I tell myself I'm not the only one, but so many times people have come to share a little story with me about how my child said this-or-that and isn't it so funny, when it's very obvious that the child was being rude or obnoxious.  I never know how to respond - am I expected to flush with embarassment (my go-to response) or should I laugh along (kids say the darndest things....oh yeah not YOUR kids, just mine.).  I really do believe these people are just trying to connect or something like that, but I always walk away feeling less-than.

masked man takes time to play with wild children! :)

3 ~ my heart.  The Lord knows me, He's called me by name (Ps 139:1, John 10:3,  2 Timothy 2:19).  He delights in me and sings over me (2 Samuel 22:20, Proverbs 3:11-12, Zephaniah 3:17 ).  These are scripture words that never fail to speak to and encourage my heart.  As I child, I didn't lack in this department.  I relished in the knowledge of being cherished by my family, valued and enjoyed as a friend.  And yet - I still love to hear it!   I love to hear it from my Lord and anyone else who wants to say it! :)  And I love to hear it through the dear ones who delight now in my little ones.

delighted in being the centre of attention.

Everyone has the fundamental need to be valued and I have the opportunity to share Christ with people as I make the choice to delight in others.  I may not always connect on some deep level with all my friends kids, or the kids at school and church, but I can always find one thing.  I can be a blessing to parents and children alike as I choose to see whatever is lovely, whatever is praiseworthy....

And that's what I think of other people's children. :)