what you see

When I am sad, I hide.
When I am burdened, I keep to myself.
When I am lonely, I stay lonely and I don't mind.

When I feel restored, I want to reach out.
I wonder how many people have been wading through the waters of life, and like me, don't talk about it.

When my brother-in-law won a gift of a photo shoot with an amazing photographer and gave the gift to us for a (first ever) pro family photo, I didn't book the appointment.  I wanted to wait until the "sad" left my eyes.

I took this picture of myself a couple of months ago.

I wondered if my eyes would tell too much of my heart....maybe you don't see it.  Maybe you didn't see it.

That's ok.

Only a couple of people knew vaguely about my struggle and it's probably because it was tough for even me to define.

Today I praise God because the cloud is lifting and I've been given a fresh realization of who He is and how He is at work in and around me.  I thank Him for the many times He gave me the power to live beyond my circumstances and do the work He has called me to do - in my home, in my church.  I'm grateful that even though the waters felt deep, I did not drown.  I am not drowning.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; 
       my hope comes from him.

  He alone is my rock and my salvation; 
       he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

  My salvation and my honor depend on God
       he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

  Trust in him at all times, O people; 
       pour out your hearts to him, 
       for God is our refuge. 
       psalm 62:5-8


  1. Deanne3.10.10

    I wonder how things would change if we were really honest with how we were feeling. I was where you were, just recently and before. I don't why it's so hard to admit, or share. But this past time I was honest with a few people and it was amazing and that 2 of them said they had been there and they got it. It was so awesome to know I was not alone/crazy! :) I find it very tiring putting on a front.
    thanks for the blog today!

  2. Deanne3.10.10

    PS I'm glad that things are looking brighter for you and that God is teaching you more of himself through all of this. Love to you!

  3. Pauline W5.10.10

    "Now we see thru a glass darkly...but then face to face."

    Especially in the 'dark' times, we yearn for the clarity of transparency, yet choose the anonymity of seclusion. May God restore His Spirit-joy to your heart and fill you beyond your expectations.

    As I've learned, there is MUCH to be learned in 'the dark nights of the soul'. God bless


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