in case i forget...

it can be good.

even when i feel so grumpy.

even when i feel hard-done-by.

it can be good.

even when i feel forced.

even when the youngest has expectations as high as the sky.

it can be good.

even when i'm tired.

even when it isn't "working for me."

it can be good.

even when he has another meeting.

even though she snaps at her sibling.

it can be good.

sit and breathe in the Word.

"Do not be afraid, I bring good news..."

Lord, You are good.

and after the good has washed over my soul,

there are cookies to make 

and stories to read.

soft cheeks that still welcome my kisses.

it's all good.

(photo credits: E & C Hall)

small fire

It got so cold so quickly around these parts.
A lovely fall one day, full-on winter the next, it seemed.

Isn't life just like that sometimes?
(and all the Manitobans said, "amen.")

But really, life, isn't it like that sometimes?

You're just walking through a season of beauty and warmth - you feel it all around you....

And suddenly - so very suddenly, it all gets cold.
And you find yourself in winter.
Not the winter that will go away by tomorrow, and you'll see grass again.  The one where the coldness gets colder and the showers are always flakes and pile and pile and pile.


But the warmth isn't all gone.


There's a small fire - a glimmer of grace, a feeling of love.  It pours down from heaven and this you hope will pile up and overflow.

And as you wait, it does overflow.

Truth and mercy.
Grace and goodness.


And it's still winter, but
the Light of love has come
and isn't going anywhere.


So all that's left to do is praise.

thinking about thinking

Sunday morning as we drove to church, my son commented on a few geese we saw in the sky.  "It's amazing, isn't it, that God made animals' brains to know when to go and when to stay, even though they don't think like humans?" he said.  We agreed.  "The human brain is even more amazing," he continued, "That in itself is proof that there is a Creator."  We agreed again.

It got me to thinking...

The human brain is an amazing thing, and yet at the same time, it can sometimes feel like our undoing.

Thinking thoughts... always thinking.

Good thoughts, happy memories, dreams and positivity.

But all to often...

Angry mental tirades, regrets, worry and negative thinking.

Thoughts seem to come out of nowhere, and in the past few days I've been burdened by thoughts that are bringing me down and I can't explain why these things have popped up.  Every time these unwelcome thoughts enter my mind, I pray they would just as quickly leave.  And when they return, I pray again.

Where do thoughts come from and how do we manage our thought life?

Scripture says to "take every thought captive" (2 Corinthians 10:5)... That came to mind right away, and I believe it!  I also believe that in order to get rid of ugly thoughts, I need to replace them with positive things.

So I searched biblegateway.com.

thoughts, think, mind...

The Bible has much to say on these topics!

The book of Romans contrasts a mind set on fleshly desires (worldly things) vs. a mind set on spiritual things and describes the mind as the starting point of my actions. (Romans 8:5)  It also challenges me to "renew" my mind (Romans 12:2), for that is the way to true transformation to becoming more like Christ.

When Colossians 3:2 tells me to "set my mind on things above," does it mean to think about pearly gates and streets of gold?

I guess that could be part of it, but I think it's more about training myself not to dwell on unlovely thoughts.  By that I don't mean unconfessed sin or something of that nature (because those things would need to be dealt with before the Lord), but anything that is untrue or discouraging  - things that make me feel like a failure, or unloveable.

When unexpected thoughts come into my mind, I shoo them away by replacing them with Truth!  I remind myself of Who God is and what He has done in my life and in the world.  I look to the Word or sing praise songs to His name.  I fix my heart and mind on the saving work of Jesus.  I recite one of the verses I haven't forgotten (Phil 4:8).

I don't know why these thoughts come in when they are never entertained for long and are certainly not welcome - you'd think they'd get the hint!  But I do believe Isaiah 26:3 is true:

You will keep in perfect peace

those whose minds are steadfast,

because they trust in you.

And so I trust, I train myself to focus on His good and I thank God for a reasonably sound mind (most days!)

How do you keep yourself from drowning in your thoughts?

one word

have you heard of this?

are you part of it?

i've never done it before, but as i sit here on day 4 of the new year with little motivation 

to write lists, 

or purge and clean,

or do other productive-type things 

that i normally am glad to do at this time of year...

i'm thinking about one word.

could one word make a difference in my life this year?

2013.

(didn't you think we'd be driving spaceships by now?)

i had a word in mind

(& i still like that word),

but another word kept popping up in front of me.

literally.

like when i picked up the sign my folks gave me for Christmas to consider where i'd like to hang it...

and when i clicked on sevenly.org to see what charity they're supporting and what tshirt they've made...

sevenly.org

and then i looked around my house and saw it again and again...

do you think the Lord is trying to lead me in a particular direction? ;)

hope

— n
1.	a feeling of desire for something and confidence in the possibility of its fulfilment
2.	a reasonable ground for this feeling
3.	a person or thing that gives cause for hope
4.	a thing, situation, or event that is desired
— vb  (often foll by for )
6.	to desire (something) with some possibility of fulfilment
7.	to have a wish (for a future event, situation, etc)
8.	to trust, expect, or believe

my favourite definition is #8.

my desire for 2013 is to live out the hope that is within me
because of my relationship with Jesus.

(i need to spend some more time thinking about what that will look like.)

hope - a strong and trustworthy anchor

Have you chosen one word for 2013?

restless

credit

"let all that I am wait quietly for God for my hope is in Him."

Psalm 62:5

wakey-wakey

I never cease to be amazed at how the Lord works.

I started a new Bible Study with the women from my church this morning.  It's been over a year since I've been in group Bible study, and I'm already glad that I was lead to this one.  It's a study on James by Beth Moore and even though we've only just watched the intro dvd, I know God has things to teach me. 

(Likely, by the time I finish the study, you may feel like you've also done it - I can't help but talk about the things I'm learning...)

Today, I'm marvelling how the Lord has worked together the final point Beth made on the video today with the main point Louie Giglio made in his openning talk at Passion 2012. (I wonder if Beth noticed it, since she was there too?)

Louie made reference to Ephesians 5:14, where it says:

"Wake up, O sleeper,

rise from the dead 

and Christ will shine on you."

Beth didn't mention this verse but the last point of the listening guide was this:

"The power of the resurrection means that nothing 

but the tomb is meant to be empty."

Let that sink in for a moment.  

Nothing but the tomb is meant to be empty.

 A friend at the study reflected on this by saying that it's the things we hate about ourselves that make the empty place, that make room for us to be filled with God's grace.  If we were full on our own, we wouldn't need Jesus.

Immediately, Matt Maher's song "Christ is Risen" came to mind, which led me to think of the verse in Ephesians.  

Wake up, Becky!  

Let Christ fill the empty places in your heart!

He has risen and by His power, I can be resurrected with Him.

Come awake!

And I am left to ponder the words of Philippians again:

"I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection"

(3:10a)

Jan 16

Do you KNOW that it's the middle of January already?  Where has the time gone?

I haven't written here for 3 weeks, and yet it feels like I just posted.  I've barely even read any of the blogs I follow because many have been about new year's resolutions and goals and fresh starts and I just keep thinking "i'm not ready!"

2012 started very early in the morning for me - 5:30am, to be precise!  A quick shower and packing the last-minute items, a short drive to meet 10 other sleepy friends. A long drive, a shorter flight, shuttles and trains and buses.  Four days in Atlanta where the weather felt like home.  Trains, and shuttles, a short flight, a very long drive.  Saying farewell to 10 sleepy friends.  A short drive home, a kiss for my children, a warm bed - the suitcases can wait - good night. 4am.
That was our trip to Passion 2012 with a group of young adults from our church.  The part I haven't yet mentioned was the worship - led by Chris Tomlin, Christy Knockles, Matt Redman and others.  Not just singing the songs they've written, as we do every Sunday, being led by them and singing in a football stadium full of people.  I still need to tell you about Louie Giglio, Francis Chan, Beth Moore and others, teaching and encouraging - not via skype or video - LIVE.  That's a pretty big deal to me! There was much to see and more to do, but not so much time for thinking and processing, I feel like I'm still trying to do that.

And since then, I've been trying to catch up on my sleep, catch up on my housework and home-work (that's how I like to refer to my frequent purge-and-organizing fits).  I've been trying to get the kids back into routine and trying to find a good rhythm for our home.  I've been getting back to work in my ministry and I spoke at a Ladies event last week.

But I still feel like I'm not quite there - not quite together in myself.  I still feel a little flounder-y.  All that I've been doing, trying to get everyone and everything organized, I've left myself until the middle of January.  I haven't really spent too much time thinking about goals, or resolutions or a vision for the new year.  I don't have a verse for the year yet, or and idea of what the Lord has for me....

Today I woke up feeling good.  As I got ready and headed into the church office, my mind felt clear and ready for action.  I think it's literally the first time in 2012! :)  So hopefully, as I 'get my act together' we can continue to journey together, friends and strangers, and watch for what the Lord has in store!

It's January 16th, are you ready for action already this new year?

not just for easter

We showed this video at church on Easter Sunday and then sang the song...I read around blog land at the time that many others had the same special experience that morning. 

But as my husband showed it to a group of teens at camp this week I was reminded again that this message isn't just for Easter, it is my life breath each day.  "The resurrection is the sermon I need to preach to myself every day," my friend shared one morning.

"I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection..." Phil 3:10a

"And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, then He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of His Spirit who lives in you." Rom 8:11

As a follower of Christ, I long for the victory that having "fellowship in his suffering" brings! I want to rise each morning, renewed and refreshed - AWAKE - to what God has for me, and ready to receive His power to accomplish it.

Because I am His and He is mine.

cashmere in may

Waking up Sunday morning to a thick covering of snow was not my idea...

but I hoped it would melt within the day.

Waking up Monday morning to a thinner, but still present covering of snow was not in my plans... 

but I had hope that today would be the day it left us for good.

Pulling out a cashmere sweater on the second day of May was not what I expected...

but I was glad I hadn't put my warmest sweaters into storage yet.

Looking at snow in May is depressing, I have to admit.  It actually is kind of confusing to my brain and emotions -  should I be spring cleaning or Christmas baking??  But it's a resonable metaphor for life - for my life in the last couple of weeks.  Things pop up and disappear. Hopes raised, dashed and raised again. Fuzzy directions turn into clear signs.

This is life.

At least, this is my life - can you relate?

The writer of Lamentations knows this part of life:

"I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is. So I say, "My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the Lord..."

Have you been there?  How do you respond?

"I well remember...yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, 'the Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.' " (Lam 3:17-24)

Cashmere in May was not my plan but it's warmth surrounds me and even better, it reminds me that my God's love and presence in my life is all I need.

waiting for spring

It's never good to live in the past, but today I'm lamenting celebrating one year since I took two very special trips out to the West Coast.  My March blog header has just a few images from the sights and experiences I had with two dear friends within two months - I know, it was a real treat!

The snow is still piled so high up here, just slightly above the 49th parallel, and I've had enough.  I thought I would escape the winter without too much SAD-ness (seasonal affective disorder), but now that it's March - MARCH! - and it looks and feels like January, I'm struggling.  I know winter can be difficult for many people and I talked about it last year, too.  It is a little mind-boggling to me how connected the weather can be to my mood.  I really dislike that - I wish I could always  rise above external circumstances...

I do my best to focus on the good - I know there is plenty!
~the days are getting longer, that really helps
~there's often lots of sunshine
~the birds continue to find my feeder, watching them from inside is how I prefer it anyway!
~I still have time to: plan the flowers for my planters, register the kids for soccer and camp, pretend like I'll exercise my body for swimsuit readiness....

And the best thing of all is that my Lord is not affected by the weather.  His warm love surrounds me, fills and flows through me, no matter how cold it is.

Desperate, I throw myself on you: 

      you are my God! 

   Hour by hour I place my days in your hand, 

      safe from the hands out to get me. 

   Warm me, your servant, with a smile;

save me because you love me.

Psalm 31:14-16 (Msg)

As I long for spring, waiting in anticipation of parka-free and sock-less weather,

I decided to give myself a pedicure using the colour I bought on one of the trips last spring...

*not the "springiest" hue, I'll acknowledge, but it works for me!

maybe it was the oranges...

Last night as I was driving to the Prayer Supper, I was thinking about this blog and how long it's been since I've posted and how I have nothing (good) to say and so what's the point...  I was trying to figure out why I seem to have nothing to offer in this place and a word popped into my head:

navel gazing 





I received this cute card years ago from a cousin.
I wish I could remember what it said, but
I think she gave it to me, because this exactly
what I looked like as a child! :)

Maybe it was because I bought some big, beautiful navel oranges at the supermarket that morning, but as this term rolled around in my mind, I thought of how preoccupied I've been with myself; how I've been looking at the world, my circumstances, things and people through my own eyes of discontent.  Who wants to read about that?? 



Part of the reason I took a break from blogging last spring, was because I was beginning to notice a trend toward the negative in my writing.  (Unfortunately, this comes all to easily.)  While I have no desire to try and paint a "my life is so rosy and perfect" picture, I also committed to refraining from what I call "rebellious ranting."  This is where I just tell you all the junk in my life and leave it there.  I don't believe that's what God wants for me to share here or to live in my life.  Yes, there is junk.  Plenty!  But I refuse to dump my troubles off here without any sense of hope... I'm afraid if I started that, I would never ever stop.



So as I reached the half-way point of my drive to the church, I wondered what the opposite of navel gazing would be and immediately one word came to mind:

WORSHIP

Hmm.  Not service?  Not peace?

No, I thought, for only when my eyes are fixed on the Lord can I truly see life and the world, my circumstances and people as He sees them.  Only when I truly understand who He is, what He's done and is doing, will my life have meaning and purpose and value.

I almost wanted to keep driving past Charleswood Road so I could continue thinking and praying about these things, but alas, my van automatically turned into the parking lot where I arrived late to the teaching time of our monthly prayer supper nights.  It was 15 minutes into the Prayer:Remix DVD we had planned to watch, and I settled in quickly to try and figure out what Louie Giglio was going to share about prayer.

Giglio confronted the idea of how we usually pray (Dear Lord, thank you for this day, bless me, my family, the events of the day, forgive my sins, in Jesus' name, amen.) and suggested we start by understanding and acknowledging that we are blessed.  That the blessing promised to Abraham was fulfilled in Jesus and poured out on us, His followers, and that there is no further need to request God's blessing.  He has already given us everything we need!

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ."

Ephesians 1:3

This is worship!  Eyes off of me, and on to Him.



What if we chose to "remix" the way we pray and begin and end by acknowledging all we have and all we are in and through Christ? 

Would I even be able to begin to look for my navel?

for myself

for the one with many hopes

who feels hopeless....

for the one who longs to have peace

but feels burdened....

for the one who wants be good-natured and fun

but sees what is dark and what is wrong...

"It is easy to be heavy; hard to be light."

G.K. Chesterson

"Take my yoke upon and learn from me,

for I am gentle and humble in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls.

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Jesus

Matthew 11:29-30

for those who want to believe

and are plagued with unbelief...

"I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!"

Mark 9:24

for the one who needs the reassurance,

again and again and again...

"The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying,

'I have loved you with and everlasting love;

I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.' "

Jeremiah 31:3

A friend gave me a necklace made by this artist.
Check out her website to understand the meaning behind this wearable art. 

"My heart says of you, 'Seek His face!' Your face, LORD, I will seek."

Psalm 27:8

thank you, Lord. 

in advance

Back from the road trip and feeling blessed to be home.  I love being on the road and having time with my family (although my son was....excited? tired?...can't seem to find the loving way to say 'completely off kilter and super frustrating'...oh well, we all have our days, right? but I digress..)...

I love being on the road and having time without the phone ringing and everyone running in a million different directions.  I was going to take LOTS of pictures to post and commerate the family times.  was.  I took two.  2.  Maybe I was living in the moment and not worrying about capturing each turn?  More likely I just kept forgetting I even brought the camera and didn't want it turned back on me while I was sailing down waterslides in all my white-flesh wonder.

Anyway, this isn't what I'm really thinking about today.

Today I'm thinking about a song I just listened to on the new CD I bought while away.  Apparently the song isn't new, but the CD compilation is fairly recent.  I absolutely love compilation CDs because you get a taste of many different artists, and usually it's the best song of their latest album.  The WOW people do these best, so when I saw WOW Gospel 2010, it mysteriously popped into my shopping cart!

Third song, first album - Marvin Sapp sings a song called Praise Him in Advance.  Check out these lyrics:

i've had my share of ups and downs

times when there was no one around

God came and spoke these words to me

praise will confuse the enemy

so i started singing, i started clapping

i started dancing, people were laughing

they knew my problems, they knew my pain

but i knew God would take them away

that's why i praise Him with my hands

that's why i praise Him with my dance

He's given me a second chance

come on let's praise Him in advance

that's why I praise Him with a song

when things are right and when things are wrong

He's given me a second chance

come on let's praise Him in advance

Sometimes when I'm wading through the waters of life, I look forward knowing the Lord will bring me through and have hope for the praise I will be able to offer.  I have seen Him at work enough times (and have read enough of Deuteronomy) to know of His faithfulness even amid my faithlessness.  I know when I come through to the other side, I will see all the reasons to lift His name high and rejoice at His goodness.

But what if we chose to praise Him in advance?  That takes trust to the next level, don't you think?  What if, like the prophet Habakkuk, we chose to rejoice and be joyful in the Lord even when everything was falling down around us?

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,

though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,

YET I will rejoice in the Lord,

I will be joyful in God my Saviour."

Habakkuk 3:17-18

It makes me wonder - where in my life do I need to praise Him in advance?

Maybe it's because of an extended time of "togetherness" with my kids that they come to mind.  It's so hard to be a parent that's intentional and perservering in patience and grace when there are seasons that show little fruit.  Yet today the Lord tells me that I can praise Him in advance for what He is doing and will do in and through these lives entrusted to me for a little while.

Are you praising in advance in the middle of your own storm?



it's winter

it's winter.

ok, so I know that's not exactly new information, but there's something about the first couple of weeks of January that cause an unsettled feeling in me.

I love to be surrounded by things that are pretty, and as I've said many a time, I consider it my mission to create a home that is warm and inviting, comfortable and cozy.

In the Fall the gardens peak and then fade, but the glory of autumn colours come alive on the trees surrounding our home.  As the last leaves are falling, it's time to pull out all things red and green, berries and pine.  The house comes alive with colours of Christmas and the scents of cinnamon and baking!  By January, I have packed away our decorations and usually what follows is a good clean and purge!  (I just can't bare to have too much "stuff" around me.)  Then...

it becomes painfully obvious....

it's winter

I can think about my flower gardens and what I'd like to plant this year, and how I might try to keep it alive for the whole summer, but  I can't do a thing about it.  The snow fills my flower box, tops the deck, covers the trees.

This year in preparation for Advent, I read a book I mysteriously found on our bookshelf (I literally have no idea where it came from) called A Winter Name for God by R. Scott Colglazier.  While I didn't quite do all the daily readings (so busy, that Christmas season!), I was blessed and encouraged by these devotions.  Each chapter is dated for the days of December and it really helped me shift my focus toward the purpose of Advent.

But it was more than that.  It spoke of the winter we can often experience in our souls.  Those cold, dark times where the night is so much longer than the day; where "the leaves of what we have believed might be stripped and blown away but the tree remains, as do the branches and roots." (p 97)

There is a corner of my heart that has had winter for quite some time.  I try to stay positive and I try to trust and seek the Lord, but without warning it can appear - like a shiver down my spine.

On day 23 of his book, Colglazier suggests that a spiritual winter is a good time to ask, "What do I most believe about life?"  He goes on from there to talk about HOPE.

Hope is not necessarily the same as optimism. It's the choice to believe God is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do.  It's knowing that He has laid out the paths of our lives and desires for us live in the fullness of His joy.  (see Psalm 16:11)

During the winter times of my faith journey, I choose to believe.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

Hebrews 11:1

"I said to the Lord, 'You are my Lord;

apart from you I have no good thing.'"

Psalm 16:2

"You will be secure,

because there is hope."

Job 11:18a

And until I can plant flowers in my window box, I'll pile up the softest blankets and light many fragrant candles.  I'll hunker down and get cozy until the winter passes again.

a work in progress

So yesterday I snuck out for an hour to "run some errands" (which my husband clearly understands as "window shop").

I popped into to FabricLand in a seemingly unending pursuit of material to use for a slipcover for my livingroom sofa. As I browsed the clearance bolts I found the CUTEST fabric for the chair in my rec room that is also in desperate need of a new cover.

The material has little roosters embroidered all over (which won't do a thing for my continuing insistance that I don't collect roosters!) and is trés french country!

I have a million things to do before camp, but I couldn't resist getting started on the cover.

I pinned and sewed...

pinned and sewed...

pinned and - whaaaa??? Oh yeah, I don't actually KNOW how to sew!

I know that will seem falsely humble as you're looking at the picture of my chair, but there are too many times that I get to a place that I have no clue how navigate the next stitches. It's sew frustrating! (bah-hahaha!)

On a separate (yet in my mind, completely related) note, today I attended the first day of sessions for the 2009 Leadership Summit. I wondered how "into" it I could get, considering it was a simul-cast, but was it powerful!

One speaker in particular spoke on Spiritual deadness/transformation based on the story of the Prodigal Son. It wasn't the first time I've heard this type of message, where they look more at the role of the Elder Son, but this time it was like it was just for me! He spoke of how to know if you are "the elder son" (check, check, check....) and why it separates you from the Father (hello, perfectionism, my old friend), and how to combat it! He described how to get to a deeper level of faith through repentance.

Repentance.

Not only for the wrong I do,

But for doing the right thing for the wrong reason.

Do I serve, obey and attempt to discipline my life in order to gain God's favour, thus putting Him into my tidy box and waiting for my "just" reward?

the right thing for the wrong reason.

There were so many other things that spoke into my heart and life that I had to repeatedly remind myself of my new motto-cum-blog title: a little bit more.

baby steps

small changes

bit by bit

Like my slipcover, I too am a work in progress - but thankfully my God knows exactly how to handle the next stitches in my heart; and what it will take to make my life in to what will hopefully one day become a lovely heirloom quilt. A legacy.

"He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6