i wish i were one of those people who could read book after book after book, gaining entertainment and/or knowledge at a rapid pace....but i'm not.  i like to read, but i'm slow.  i'm too easily distracted to read when there are people (ie, KIDS) around and i fall asleep with a book on my face most nights.  it's a great sleep aide, but not super productive in getting books read.

so when i finally finish a book, it's time to celebrate!

last night i finished reading MWF seeking BFF by Rachel Bertsche.  the subheading is 'my yearlong search for a new best friend.'  friendship is something i've been thinking about for quite a while and i'm obsessed with "one year project" types of books, even though i'm pretty sure it's just a writing gimmick.  i figure whatever the motivation to start (and finish) the project, it's still interesting to read about someone's life for a year.

as i read the final pages last night (trying so hard to keep myself awake to finish!), something she said twigged a memory of an evening a couple of months ago.

i was asked to do a demonstration of felt flower making for a ladies event at a church out of town.  my good friend was singing and another friend was sharing her story, so we all drove out together.   i was pretty unsure about doing the demo, because while i've done the singing and the sharing, this was out of my comfort zone!  i had all my stuff ready and figured it would be what it would be...

as i got behind the table, glue gun poised, i saw my two aunts, my cousin and my granny smiling back at me (they go to that church).  suddenly i found myself reverting back to my childhood self - the one who would put on a show for a laugh any ol' time.  my energy was waaay up and i joked as i burned myself.  the whole room was killing themselves laughing and i felt completely at ease - even when i had no idea how to answer their questions. (go figure, i don't craft for a living!)

me and my oldest friend, who lives too far away.
on the way home, my story-sharing friend commented that she thought i was hilarious and that she'd never seen me like that before!  she knows me only from church, from working in ministry together, from doing bible study together.  my singing friend remarked that my performance was the becky she knew and loved.

in the book MWF seeking BFF, Bertsche makes observations about the differences between old friends (from college age or before) and new friends (that are made in adult hood).  she looks at the benefits of people who knew you when you were 16 as well as the drawbacks.  making new friends, as she discovers takes work and a whole lot of effort, but it seems to be something that many women lack in their lives.

i'm not a great friend.  it's ok, i can admit it.

i think i used to be at some point, and i've spent a lot of time thinking about what keeps me from being a great friend.  time?  emotional security?  selfishness?  never knowing the right thing to say?

or is it that this season of life, with busy kids, a household to run, a ministry calling - is just not the right time?  (unfortunately, i can't really buy that one because i see loads of other people that seem to be able to add being a good friend into the mix.)

it seems i'm still on the hunt for answers - so of course, i'll pick up another book!  The Friendship Factor by Alan Loy McGinnis was the first non-fiction book that i ever requested for a gift.  my mom gave it to me and wrote an inscription inside (dated 1994!).  she wrote that she prayed i would have many meaningful friendships throughout my life but that my relationship with my Saviour would always be the most meaningful.   yes!  it was around this time of my life that i first underlined all the friendship verses in proverbs.

"there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."  
- proverbs 18:24b - 

His name is Jesus and i'm so thankful to have Him in my life...closer than any other friend.


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