But on Monday I got to wondering what my life would be like if I tried a little harder with my body - how I fill it, how I use it. I felt like I got the 'go-ahead' from the Lord and so....I went ahead!
Today is Thursday and I'm already struggling. I have done workout dvds, gone for walks in our city's beautiful park, and used the quality equipment at the Y (where we've had a membership since SEPTEMBER and I only JUST stepped on that side of the building TUESDAY!).
My problem is not my body, the stiff muscles actually feel kind of good.
My problem is my heart.
Yesterday morning a phonecall came to the house to let me know that my Grandmother is in the hospital. But I didn't get that phonecall because I was at the Y on the eliptical machine. There was no message - I found out today through my sister-in-law.
I know most people would say "you have to take time for yourself" and "exercise is important." But today I wonder. I have a preschooler who's at home 3 1/2 days of the school week, and while she enjoys exercising with me, it's really hard in a small space and I usually try to do it while she watches tv or is at school. I also have a part time job with very flexible hours, which is great but also requires discpline to spend my time working. I also have a home to take care of and a family to feed....
....oh yeah, and pay attention to.
I've recently been wondering if people see me as selfish, or like the world revolves around me. (Not in a pity-party kind of way, because of some remarks I've heard.)
My body is not in bad shape. Sure, I'd like to lose a couple of pounds but I know I don't NEED to. I really just wanted to see if anything would happen to my thighs if I tried exercising.
Now I don't think it's worth it.
My house is a mess because for 3 DAYS I prioritized exercise. I feel frustrated trying to find the right time do it (being neither an early morning OR late night kind of girl). My Grandma is in the hospital and I wasn't home to get the call because I was "taking care of myself."
for what?
This is one of those days I wish the Lord were right beside me so I could talk to Him and hear Him talk right back to me. So He could help me work it out. (haha, play on words.)
I know Paul says: "physical training has some value, but godliness has value for all things holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." (1 Tim 4:8)
Does that mean exercise is ok if it doesn't take away from other things? Should it be on the priority list at all for me? Perhaps this is the Lord's way of pointing out my vanity.
But I really was enjoying it.
I am by far NO Expert on this topic and almost shudder to be handing out advice (mostly because i also struggle with the commitment exercise involves). BUT I'll just share that i've noticed over the last 2 years that my life flows through "seasons" when it comes to "putting my body first". There are chunks of time (let's say 2 or 3 months)where exercising incorporated into my daily life is literally impossible! It just would not benefit myself or anyone else living with me. So, it's really hard for me to stop working out and not feel guilty...but i try to accept that my days at that time are just too full. the key for me during those seasons is NOT to be hard on myself. I (not you) am the one who needs to shead pounds, and even then I can't always do what i'd like.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's being vain if you have goals for your body, as long as it's being realistic (Did I/me just write that?), but seriously Becky, you look really wonderful.
IF exercise is the only thing to provide you with calmness,the only thing that gives you a clear head and energy, THEN I would say prioritize exercise in your life. However,if at this "season" it's more of an obsticle, I'd put it aside for now.
Focus on family, that's ALWAYS rewarding....sorry to hear about your gRandma! :( keep us posted how she is please.
p.s.I am typing on a computer without spell check so i have no idea if i'm writing something that makes sense or is even legible. PLUS i'm ironiclly procrastinating from going down to the gym, by reading my favorite blogs. Aren't you glad i stopped by?
oh, i forgot to add. You were blessed with arms that make you LOOK like you spend time strength training 24x7. i'm not jealous at all!!!!! :)
ReplyDeletethighs? what kind of mirrors do you have at your place??
wonderful indeed
my friend.
toss the eliptical aside.
pull out the bathing suit and enjoy!!
o.k. now i really must go for my walk.
I totally hear you on that one. Totally. Only this last year did I finally decided that there would be no scripted plan for my work out schedule. I'll do it when I can, how I can, and it will come after everything else. Now, of course it means I do need to watch what I eat, and when I eat it (at least I really should watch it), and that I better not complain about what I see in the mirror, b/c I made a conscience choice. But, at the end of the day I know, and have a real sense of peace that this is the right thing for me...for now...this too shall pass. Keep working it out Becky, the Lord will lead you to peace also, even if it may look very different from mine :)
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