a day changes everything
But on Monday I got to wondering what my life would be like if I tried a little harder with my body - how I fill it, how I use it. I felt like I got the 'go-ahead' from the Lord and so....I went ahead!
Today is Thursday and I'm already struggling. I have done workout dvds, gone for walks in our city's beautiful park, and used the quality equipment at the Y (where we've had a membership since SEPTEMBER and I only JUST stepped on that side of the building TUESDAY!).
My problem is not my body, the stiff muscles actually feel kind of good.
My problem is my heart.
Yesterday morning a phonecall came to the house to let me know that my Grandmother is in the hospital. But I didn't get that phonecall because I was at the Y on the eliptical machine. There was no message - I found out today through my sister-in-law.
I know most people would say "you have to take time for yourself" and "exercise is important." But today I wonder. I have a preschooler who's at home 3 1/2 days of the school week, and while she enjoys exercising with me, it's really hard in a small space and I usually try to do it while she watches tv or is at school. I also have a part time job with very flexible hours, which is great but also requires discpline to spend my time working. I also have a home to take care of and a family to feed....
....oh yeah, and pay attention to.
I've recently been wondering if people see me as selfish, or like the world revolves around me. (Not in a pity-party kind of way, because of some remarks I've heard.)
My body is not in bad shape. Sure, I'd like to lose a couple of pounds but I know I don't NEED to. I really just wanted to see if anything would happen to my thighs if I tried exercising.
Now I don't think it's worth it.
My house is a mess because for 3 DAYS I prioritized exercise. I feel frustrated trying to find the right time do it (being neither an early morning OR late night kind of girl). My Grandma is in the hospital and I wasn't home to get the call because I was "taking care of myself."
This is one of those days I wish the Lord were right beside me so I could talk to Him and hear Him talk right back to me. So He could help me work it out. (haha, play on words.)
I know Paul says: "physical training has some value, but godliness has value for all things holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." (1 Tim 4:8)
Does that mean exercise is ok if it doesn't take away from other things? Should it be on the priority list at all for me? Perhaps this is the Lord's way of pointing out my vanity.
But I really was enjoying it.