hello again

It's been a few weeks since I've posted here, but this place has often been on my mind.  I've been wondering ~again~ if I should bother with this writing.... what's the point, why not just journal for myself, blah, blah, blah.  Same old.

But each time I consider walking away, there's something that pulls me back.  I read around the blogosphere that I am what they call a "bad blogger."  I don't post often enough, or predictably enough, or maybe I haven't found my niche.

Well, I'm here to say that I will continue to resist that label and I will continue to resist being bound by those rules.

Rules are typically a comfort to me, but those rules make me want to rebel!

And I've also decided ~again~ that I'm not going to worry too much about what you, dear reader, think.  Harsh?  I hope you don't hear that way!  What I mean is that I'm going to be as honest as I feel called and trust that you will receive it with grace and understanding.

I've said before, that I'm guilty of caring too much about what people think, about pleasing someone-everyone.

But one of my goals is to release myself from thinking too much of what others think of me.  I am prone to worry if someone doesn't respond well to me in any given situation (did I offend them??) and can spend days obsessing wondering what it could have been that made them not like me.  Sadly, I wish everyone liked me.  Is that normal?  (maybe don't answer...)

The thing I'm learning, and am working on continuing to learn, is that everyone has their own stuff going on.  Just because someone seems annoyed or distant or unfriendly or ambivilant toward me, it's not necessarily a reflection on me.  It could have been the traffic they just faced, the bad news they just received, the argument they just had, the heartbreak they've had, the toe they just stubbed....

nothing remotely about ME.

The Lord has been showing me that it is my PRIDE that needs to be released.  While it feels like insecurity, it's actually pride.  How else could one define the notion that everyone around you is thinking about you all the time??

Romans 12:3 (NIV)

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.

Proverbs 29:25 (CEB)

 People are trapped by their fear of others;
    those who trust the Lord are secure.

Huh!  So there goes God's Word perfectly describing my circumstance again!  I feel trapped by worry and performance anxiety when I think only of what people think of me.  Security comes from trusting in the Lord alone.  Thank you gracious Lord!

And so, the blog stays and along with it comes all the familiar inconsistancy and irregularity.  Like it or lump it, as they say!

May we continue to keep in step with the Spirit, looking to Him for our sense of acceptance and approval above and beyond all else!